Desire. | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

graceful cedar · 2024-01-02T04:47:12.569Z

Wonderful! has just pregressed to **level 2**!

graceful cedarBOT Jan 2, 2024, 4:47 AM

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Wonderful! @shy kelp has just pregressed to level 2!

shut surge Jan 2, 2024, 4:56 AM

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I like it, but some of the repetition doesn’t work well imo. I think a bit of a changeup in the language could add improvement, right now the repetition just feels a bit overdone

shy kelp Jan 2, 2024, 4:58 AM

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imo the repetition adds emphasize thank for your feedback.

ripe zinc Jan 2, 2024, 5:06 AM

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I agree with mayhaps. Repetition adds emphasis up to a certain point, but too much repetition is worse than none a lot of the times. It feels like there's a lack of diversity in language due to that, but I really like the heartfelt emotions of the poem. I like the poem, and it could easily be changed to be even better.

sleek sedge Jan 2, 2024, 5:26 AM

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Deep lines

shy kelp Jan 2, 2024, 5:28 AM

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ripe zinc I agree with mayhaps. Repetition adds emphasis up to a certain point, but too mu...

yea i tried something new with this poem, all my others don't rhyme let alone have repetition, while I understand your pov's \for the time being I'll leave the repetition. Might revive in the future. thank you for the feedback!

shy kelp Jan 2, 2024, 5:29 AM

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sleek sedge Deep lines

thank you!

ripe zinc Jan 2, 2024, 5:29 AM

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It's a really good poem, don't get me wrong

sleek sedge Jan 2, 2024, 5:30 AM

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shy kelp thank you!

You really deserves this appreciation 👏

shy kelp Jan 2, 2024, 5:31 AM

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i always imagine I'm reading my poems to others, so due to the lack of grammar the repetition might seem more intense that i intended again thanks for the feedback!

#Desire.