Wonderful! @lean tiger has just pregressed to level 1!
#really appreciate a word of advice or feedback
ashen stagBOT
abstract salmon
I think “for a teacup of tea” is a disconcerting detail to include.
I’d just say tea
Second stanza not well transitioned to from first.
Why us the sun smirking? Feels off
The meaning of the tea fading in color is unclear / the analogy doesn’t work well and is hard to parse
lean tiger
I think “for a teacup of tea” is a disconcerting detail to include.
thank you! that was the point
lean tiger
Why us the sun smirking? Feels off
that was also the point
im glad to know i created an unsettling atmosphere in my poem 🙂
lean tiger
The meaning of the tea fading in color is unclear / the analogy doesn’t work wel...
i agree. thanks
lean tiger
Second stanza not well transitioned to from first.
what do you mean?
abstract salmon
what do you mean?
Subject of first sentence / beginning of first sentence is v disconnected from last sentence of prior stanza, for example. It feels it could be about a totally different situation, until around the end of the sentence when my, porridge show up.
Makes it more burdensome to read, likely less impactful