covert fog
The future will not be grasped,
But known - it's an opposite of the past.
So the secrets lay, remained unmarked,
A truth you need to have - embarked.
The present is a costly gift - very random,
But don't let that hold you at ransom,
For even if you indeed are a troublesome,
Then even then, you can change to winsome.
The past could have been distort -
a deepened reality, left distraught,
that even if it lures to be enticing;
debts you, at the cost of its pricing.
covert fog
you up for a bit of insults included at the feedback
Go ahead
I'm ready
I'm up for it
covert bison
First of all your mid at this. Mid by the sense of beginner poems usually rhyme or lack rhymes but you rhymed too much, common mistake, but you miraculously made it average. Too obvious, it sucks to suck
tulip cargo
very detailed criticism
covert bison
(But
known-)
it ruins ur structure and the overall flow of the poem and it makes it worse. you don't look unique you look quite confusing
you can do it on other specific needed ideas tho, js not this one
tulip cargo
cool
covert bison
two: you rhymed too much. Notice on the second paragraph every last word per line is rhymed. Rhyming makes flow good, but it also breaks
You sound stupid if you rhyme too much
Learn to balance it
(by the way one and two and three and four references on the picture)
Thtee
covert fog
Learn to balance it
Got it
covert bison
Three: I noticed how you do "-" there. I like it, it gives more flavor to the poem.
Tho if you added two, I'm pretty sure you noticed that. When writing a poem, gotta keep track on which things are nice and which things to let go.
For this one, if you added more adjectives and like those "-" stuff, it would've been better
Just not too much though
Like three to five lines with "-"
And put it on the right timing
covert fog
Three: I noticed how you do "-" there. I like it, it gives more flavor to the po...
Got it
covert fog
Just not too much though
Understood
covert bison
Four, you made the same mistake with two. You start sounding like your rambling, and it's connected to second stanza which is good
But that thing
Drriiifted
It away
From the original idea
From ur first stanza
Remember the first stanza always gives off the vibe and idea of ur poem
If you can't connect it well with the second stanza and the rest of the poem
Consider removing ur first stanza
That's all
oh
covert fog
Alright
covert bison
and ur stanzas are too random
goes ideas to ideas
stick to one topic
if ur gonna switch
then stay a bit related
at least one line related
helps a ton
goodluck on ur journey on the server
covert fog
stick to one topic
I might slightly slightly argue with this line of feedback, because the topic of the poem was meant to be 'time', hence why each stanza goes in the structure of [ The time period > A detail about it > A conclusion ], but even then, I can see through your lens and now my poem really does match the feedbak you've provided. Cheers 🫰