Sibling Rivalry | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

dusk slate Dec 30, 2023, 5:45 AM

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Brothers and sisters,
Bound by love, yet torn apart,
Rivalry takes hold.

Jealous eyes do glare,
Competing for attention,
Siblings at war.

Fierce battles ensue,
Words like sharp arrows they hurl,
Hearts left bruised and scarred.

But beneath the strife,
A deep bond that still lingers,
Love is unbreakable.

Though rivals we be,
In each other's souls we find,
A mirror of self.

Through rivalry's haze,
We learn and grow together,
Sibling love prevails.

<@&1145760802666717234> (If your going to comment please be honest about flaws in my poem and improvements needed.)

short parrot Dec 30, 2023, 5:52 AM

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I feel like this could be longer or shorter. Either shorter and more about the concept of sibling rivalry in the abstract, or longer and more about the chronicle of a more detailed rivalry of some specific siblings. I’d lean the latter because it already feels a bit sappy to me and detailed stories do it more for me in selling a sappy core. Decent as it is, could be great with some more meat.

dusk slate Dec 30, 2023, 5:57 AM

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short parrot I feel like this could be longer or shorter. Either shorter and more about the c...

What do you mean by like sappy?

short parrot Dec 30, 2023, 6:01 AM

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“Love is unbreakable” “sibling love prevails” are a bit simplistic and forced in this narrative of “warring rivals.” It a fine message to push but without development it just kinda falls flat as cliche platitudes. I kinda need to be wooed to buy into this seeming blood feud ending by the “power of love.”

#Sibling Rivalry