My first ever love poem

[dull coral]

Feedback is always welcome!

In shadows of dreams, a girl so divine,
With eyes that sparkle like stars in a celestial line.
Her laughter, a melody, soft and pure,
Yet love remains a dream, an unreachable allure.

In a world of 'what ifs' and 'could it be true',
She remains the star that my heart continues to pursue.

Distance separates us, like oceans vast and wide,
A love story that thrives solely in the realm of mind.
In my heart, she persists, a dream of an impossible domain,
A thought cherished, an eternal flame.

Though I'll never hold her hand in the sun's warm embrace,
She remains my inspiration, my solace, my grace.
Love is a journey, sometimes filled with pain,
But in my heart, she'll forever reign.

[woven ice]

I love the way you describe your love for this girl and the depth of these words. If it's based on a real relationship you should definitely share this with her!

[dull coral]

Sadly it isn't based on a real relationship but i got more of this sort of poems

[summer fern]

for your first love poem this is insanely good

[dull coral]

Thanks

[livid cairn]

I was so excited when I saw "first ever love poem" ...

Unfortunately, I am struggling to feel anything when I read this poem. The second stanza seems to be original. However, the other stanzas feel generated by a machine. An over use of rhymes and not enough use of your own voice can harm the emotional or human impact of a poem. Also, not saying you did, but for those who tend to use ai, prompting ai, it is not writing. I worry ai is really harming creative writing.

[livid cairn]

It seems like a a poem about an unreciprocated crush

[dull coral]

Ye something like that

[dull coral]

I used ai to translate because english is not my first language and therefore i'm afraid i couldn't quite convey my words

[dull coral]

It is harming indeed but on every dark side of the coin there is a light side yes we would get a lot "AI created" poetry but i think its also helping for some people

[livid cairn]

I worry the AI took a lot of your original voice out of the poem. It reads like a standard AI poem. consider taking the time to translate on your own with some help from google translate. Or revise your prompt to keep your original phrasing.

[dull coral]

Yes, I think so too, unfortunately, i will see if chatgpt can do some magic with the phrasing

[livid cairn]

Anyhow, nothing wrong with the theme, do you have the original poem before translation? mind sharing?

[dull coral]

In the light of dreams, a girl so magnificent,
With eyes that will glitter like stars in gleam.
Her laughter, a melody, so gentle and o so pure,
But the love remains a thought a dream, an impossible adventure.

In a world of 'what ifs' and 'could it be true',
She remains the star that makes my heart shine through.

Our difference`s separates us, like oceans deep and wide,
A love story that only exists in the thought of dreams.
In my heart, she will continue as dream of an impossible realm,
A thought i will cherished, like an eternal flame

Though I'll never hold her hand in the sun's rays,
She will remains the inspiration, my source of inspiration.
Love is like a journey, sometimes filled with pain,
But in my heart, she'll will always remain.

This looks like it more but not there yet

[dull coral]

Ofc

In schaduwen van dromen, een meisje zo prachtig
Met ogen die schitteren als sterren in schijn.
Haar lach als melodie, zo zacht en puur,
Maar liefde blijft een droom, een onbereikbaar avontuur.

In een wereld van 'wat als' en 'kon het maar zijn',
Blijft zij de ster die mijn hart doet schijn.

Afstand scheidt ons, als oceanen diep en wijd,
Een liefdesverhaal dat enkel in gedachten gedijt.
In mijn hart blijft zij de droom van een onmogelijk rijk,
Een gedachten die word gekoesterd als eeuwig vuur.

Hoewel ik haar hand nooit zal vasthouden in de zon,
Blijft zij de inspiratie, mijn bron.
De liefde is een reis, soms vol van pijn,
Maar in mijn hart zal zij er altijd zijn

[dull coral]

@trail perch

The one on top

[trail perch]

Ooh, bro. This caught me tearing in 4k, this poem is so relatable. Its coincidence that i have th same story, this poem shows the struggle and pursue of a person for a person that will not come to them

I honestly don't think it's just a love poem

[dull coral]

Ye okay

[scarlet laurel]

Wonderful! @dull coral has just pregressed to level 1!

[dull coral]

You okay bro?

[trail perch]

It's a sorrowfully enjoyable story too

[trail perch]

Nah I'm good, just this poem caught me off guard, actually my love was unalived in a communal riot right after we met face to face for first time

[dull coral]

Ye it was also written from personal experience

[dull coral]

Wow

I have no words tbh

[dull coral]

May i ask what kinda riot or which country?

[trail perch]

No problem brother, i understand. It's just soul crushing

[trail perch]

Religious, India

[dull coral]

I didnt know that happens in india

[trail perch]

It's the most common problem here nowadays

[dull coral]

Thats very sad

[trail perch]

It sure is, but what can we do, the person who's gone can't be brought back

[slate idol]

*It sure is, but what

can we do, the person who's

gone can't be brought back*

- keshav7436

[dull coral]

But i am happy the poem is understable

[dull coral]

People come and go and we have no control over it

[trail perch]

Apparently i did, i could've stopped her, i could have held her hand for the first time

I could've kissed or hugged her long enough that she didn't go

And leave me for eternity

[dull coral]

Quit, don't quit... Noodles, don't noodles... You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.

• Oogway

[trail perch]

That's why it is called present, but mine doesn't look like a present or gift or anything good

[dull coral]

Your time will come

the one on top

@scarlet shuttle

[scarlet shuttle]

Omg i literally read this already and it’s my favorite poem so far I really enjoyed this poem it gives amazing detail and I love the way you described her

[dull coral]

Wait really?

[scarlet shuttle]

Yes!!!!

[dull coral]

Did you read it here?

[scarlet shuttle]

Yea I read it in post own

[dull coral]

Thanks it means much to me!

[scarlet shuttle]

Yea of course

[dull coral]

Very nice to hear people like it

[scarlet shuttle]

Yea it’s amazing

[dull coral]

I have some poems related to this one

[scarlet laurel]

Wonderful! @dull coral has just pregressed to level 2!

[dull coral]

@uncut herald

[uncut herald]

[ :e: Removed by @thepancake_1 ]

[dull coral]

The pancake😭😂

[trail perch]

Don't worry, just click on new and that coloured circle

[dull coral]

I doesnt remove the pictutr

[sick verge]

man, this is insane, im shaken from this

[dull coral]

Good or bad?

[sick verge]

great

i love this!

[dull coral]

❤️

[trail perch]

So you wanted to remove the pic? That can't be done

[dull coral]

Ohh okay

[dull coral]

Great to hear

@glossy ridge

[glossy ridge]

Ok so usually I do not like love poems but this is amazing gj!

[dull coral]

Thanks!

[fathom jackal]

Bro asking for feedback w 72 comments already. I’ll talk about it in vc if u want but not typing out a line by line review w my thumbs.

[dull coral]

Ye i want some advice on my writing

[fathom jackal]

Ok hop in poetry help vc

[dull coral]

I dont have time right now

[fathom jackal]

k

[dull coral]

But what do you think about my poem
👍👎?

[fathom jackal]

Haven't read it yet. Was gonna first-read it while you listened so you could see any spots where I stumbled / slowed / was off rhythm.

[dull coral]

Ah okay

Then i will wait for when i have time for vc

[fathom jackal]

alright, let me know but, I'll probably be pretty busy today and tomorrow

[dull coral]

Alright

[livid cairn]

An interesting discussion on the use of AI in poetry.

Here is a google translation:

In shadows of dreams, a girl so beautiful
With eyes that shine like stars in the spotlight.
Her laughter as a melody, so soft and pure,
But love remains a dream, an unattainable adventure.

In a world of 'what ifs' and 'could it only be',
She remains the star that makes my heart shine.

Distance separates us, like oceans deep and wide,
A love story that only thrives in thoughts.
In my heart she remains the dream of an impossible realm,
A thought that is cherished like eternal fire.

Though I'll never hold her hand in the sun,
She remains the inspiration, my source.
Love is a journey, sometimes full of pain,
But she will always be there in my heart

In my opinion, the direct tranalation is far better. more beautiful, and more natural as a direct translation. even without the extensive rhyming in your ai generated translation.

However interestingly, a couple lines retain some elements of an AI generated poem.

[dull coral]

We got a 6 hour minimum time zone difference so thats interesting

[slate idol]

*We got a 6 hour

minimum time zone difference

so thats interesting*

- thepancake_1

[dull coral]

Okay