#''I feel thy distance'' (one of my first poems ive ever made)

24 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

ruby mica
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I feel thy distance like a knell;
For without thee, I am the moon without mine sea.
And without thee,
This damned world sentences me to hell.

Yet when I greet thee,
Mine shivers quenched, my spirit lifted;
And still, to high Heaven mine heart would have been gifted.
To remove mine grasp from thee, there ought to be a fee.

Our hands, I noticed, met and mingled as we strolled the street.
In that puddle, like two children our feet pitter-patter.
Walking with thee calmed my mind in its ruthless scatter,
If only this moment in life was on repeat

Alas, thou presence must be renewed at thine abode-
Mine heart shattered, Myself broken and alone.
Thy presence cannot be matched solely by thy voice on the phone.
Leaving once again, myself stranded at the church on the corner of that crossroad.

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''I feel thy distance'' (one of my first poems ive ever made)

ruby mica
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<@&1145760802666717234>

umbral vault
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u gotta ping in general

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otherwise it doesnt work

ruby mica
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oh right

umbral vault
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i llove your rhyme scheme on the third stanza

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abba is unique

ruby mica
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Its ABBA throughout but i thought it worked to like explore that seperation/ long distance in the sense that the a and a lines are seperated by a physical distance [b]

umbral vault
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yea

ruby mica
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ops on the actual poem as a whole?

fringe valve
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For one of your first poems, that's very good

ruby mica
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yipee

ruby mica
fringe valve
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fixed

ruby mica
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my first was this one called ''100,000 men'' and it was a retelling of SA using medieval battle imagery as a euphemism (e.g. drawbridge etc.)

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i'll see if i have a save anywhere because it was also a decent [from my pov] poem

unborn bronzeBOT
ruby mica
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worst case scenerio i cna remake it

potent token
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this is great for being one of your first poems!!!

neat spruce
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Thank you for sharing! I really love it. My first poems are some of my favorites as well. I love going back and reworking with them again

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I especially like how you say in the beginning, this damn world sentences me to hell when thats literally what the poems purpose is to express. it feels as if the poem is this "world"

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Makes me wonder what the other side of the poem is. They are talking to someone on the other side of the phone. Itd be really interesting what that person might say back. Gives me Red Like Roses P2 by Casey Lee Williams vibes... at least the first verse