Slave to freedom

[limber vapor]

Slave to freedom

On the other side of the wall.
Is there a chance to reach so called freedom?
I don't want to be in the same position anymore...

On the other side of the wall.
Will I find freedom there?
That's where are stakes all!

Fear, emotion that I can only feel.
I need to find the wall before I kneel..

I have never reached it...```

[snow notch]

I really like it! It's short but effective! I would move the words around at places like in the line 'that's where are stakes all". It's a little bit of a mouthful. Maybe try "that's where all stakes are" ? Also I really like the line "Is there a chance to reach the so called freedom?" It really drives home the feeling of uncertainty and fear.

[vapid pelican]

stakes fall would fit quite nicely i think

that's where the stakes fall

[prisma kayak]

This body once embodied such philosophies and has long since freed itself, spiritually speaking, it's all a matter of turning from the observer into the experiencer.

I will go into general appraisal now, allow me a few moments please, :).

Freedom Vs. Enslavement Duality:

• I really like the contrast and usage of the concept of Freedom vs. Enslavement, it almost criticizes the idea of freedom because in what essence is anything truly free is forced to adhere to their ordained natures?

Usage of Punctuation:

• I really like the use of ellipses, periods, and exclamation points, while simple, it adds to the piece.

The Metaphors and Analogies:

• Your piece also employs many good usages of physical metaphors to convey deeper existential and human thinking, this is certainly a human experience.

#peki-feedback (tagged in this way for others to view my feedbacks,)

@limber vapor if you have any questions/would like clarification regarding my feedback, please do lmk, :).

[snow notch]

Thank you sir, I owe you so much!

[prisma kayak]

I also pen poetry of similar essence, my posted works are

• #1178415668895424533
• #1180799978944344135
• My more formal work includes
• https://idealmemoir.carrd.co
• https://aucaregia.carrd.co

I get really existential and philosophical, so if you like thinking in such a manner, read my poetry, :).

[prisma kayak]

You are very welcome, but I'm afraid I did nothing for you, :0

[snow notch]

For my friend