#Ammunition

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

hexed monolith
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The marching of oil crusted boots
on broken wooden pickets
drown out songbirds on an
otherwise contented December morning,
a sound just as deafening as
a mothers cry when watching her
soul carted off.

Their battlefield, nothing but a market,
the currency of blood, bones and bullets
becoming more saturated by the day.

Children, forged into imitators of man
hadn’t time to question their actions,
nor desire to relive memories
swept under floorboards of their consciousness.
Instead placing faith in absent powers, praying,
nay begging they
bring them home
back to bliss.

Until then, they shall continue to march,
without the knowledge that
what would return in the shell of heroic statues,
would be nothing but
rounds of ammunition fired by those negligible,
and desperate, enough
to pull the trigger.

desert glenBOT
misty scaffold
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I really enjoy this!! Don’t think anything needs changing or anything like that. A personal preference would be to change “they bring them back,/ back to bliss” to just being “they bring them/ back to bliss” or “they bring them back…/ to bliss” (/ representing a line break). But that’s a minuscule detail for the whole poem.
Got some Banshee vibes from the first stanza, which I really enjoyed and your emotional imagery, especially at the end, omg, is amazingness

hexed monolith
misty scaffold
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That would definitely be interesting too! Altho, with that, I would then make those two lines isolated:
“nay begging

Bring them home…
Back to bliss

Until then…”

keen flume
sour niche
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Lemme just wander into your past

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Oh wow you did the enjambement thing right from the start

hexed monolith
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Yeah i was taught about that in school rosey

sour niche
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This is great

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Oh I don't think we were, or at least not in depth

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Powerful ending