the owl's lament—sonnet

[true ermine]

<@&1144090752457113794> <@&1145760802666717234>
i do not want your feedback, I just want your thoughts.

[true ermine]

well, the format is inspired by sonnet 116 and some ideas from Macbeth—one of the finest piece of lit so yeah def not something i would write generally!

[polar void]

My Thoughts: Appreciated the piece as a whole. Sometime's it's refreshing coming across a piece with such a clear and stuck to rhyme scheme. This is clearly a stylistic decision, and I respect it. I think that there could be something said about wanting this rhyme structure to break at some point, especially because this poem is about grief, and essentially this women's broken heart, but again, just a stylistic decision. Very few things are inneherently better in poetry, just a different type of piece. Okay, moving on, I think the reptition of dreams in stanza 2 and 4 could be unnecessary. You already clarify that the women's dreams are dead within herself, so to me, it feels unnecessary to clarify the funeral is a dreamless place, as this is fairly inituitive. If this loss of dreams is a overarching metaphor, that's different of course, but it doesn't seem to be, (unless you are trying to tie together memories and dreams). I thought "a canvas stained with hues of yesteryear's grays," was a phenomenal line, and could be tied to in the last stanza, (gravestones are usually gray/could say the dirt is gray/some other variation of that). Up to you though. Ok finally, in terms of a clear narrative I would ask youreslf the timeframe for this poem. I interpreted this poem to mean that this women lost someone very recently. If that analysis is correct, than the line "brushing off the dust" doesn't really make sense, from a literal standpoint. So, whether you want this to represent the paradoxical nature of lost, want to think about the timeframe, or replace dust with some other metaphor/idea that was shown throughout the poem is up to you. Or do none of the 3! I'm just here to give you ideas.

[true ermine]

Wooow thats rly nice! Its tough to understand for my, but I love it!

[zenith stump]

*Wooow thats rly nice!

Its tough to understand for

my, but I love it!*

- maximumanxiety

[true ermine]

you failed to understand the poemmmm
i'm sadddd
imma explain it

[true ermine]

alr imma explain it eee

[polar void]

Failed?

[true ermine]

No you dont need

Everyone will take its own things from poem

[polar void]

I don't have the knowledge you do while writing it, so if you believed I misinterpreted it to the point of "failure", then I think you should reflect.

[true ermine]

nobody died man
it's the girl herself who saw the tomb with her name engraved on it

For someone this poem is good, for someone bad, for someone happy, for someone sad.

[polar void]

And that means?

[true ermine]

for that i gotta explain the poem, mate

[true ermine]

of course it is

[polar void]

I assume it's something like "I'm dead inside"

idk

[true ermine]

Maybe for him, he felt death inside hime

[true ermine]

yeah you're getting close to it

[polar void]

if that's your analysis

[true ermine]

Try to understand his way of understanding and youll be better writer!

[polar void]

definitely remove "veiled in sorrow'ss somber gown"

cause that's what people wear in funerals, and i get that's your point

but it muddles the narrative, especially because assuming that it's their grave just because they can see their own reflection is not inituitive by any means.

[true ermine]

nah but he interpreted it wrong
he thought someone else died. that's reading the poem wrong.

[polar void]

there's no wrong 💀

[true ermine]

I agree

There is no wrong

[true ermine]

"the woman lost someone recently"
main agenda being she lost herself

[true ermine]

i agree too. i have a bad choice of words in general.

[polar void]

If i wildly misinterpreted to the point that you're annoyed, then your poems simply aren't as approachable as they could be. I promise you that I'm well versed in poetry, so reading a poem that I have no context for, that is what I got. Whether you accept that or not, is up to you. I have no stake in your poem.

Also, all of your lines support the idea that something happened recently.

So, we have to weigh between whether it happened to her or someone else.

And the funeral gown is what pushed me to believe it was someone else.

I get your analysis, and I hope you can understand mine.

[true ermine]

"she finds her name engraved in silent prose" is all that i'd like to say in response to whatever you've written.

however maybe i'm the dumb one here. shouldn't have posted this. this is why i like keeping my poems to myself. really sorry for any inconvenience caused fr. not your fault at all

[polar void]

There's no need to lash out sarcastically. Misinterpretation is common in the poetry world, and it seems I've offended you by not understanding it.

[true ermine]

i'm not being sarcastic fr. i tend to write weird stuff.

[polar void]

Which is fine, you're allowed to be emotionally connected towards your poetry, but understanding that vague poetry might accompany "wrong" analysis is going to be something that you have to learn. I'm not perfect, clearly, but neither are other people.

(also silent prose literally makes no sense |)

acc ig it does

[wide geyser]

Wonderful! @polar void has just pregressed to level 9!

[true ermine]

i understand, of course. however the main motive of writing it was what people failed to interpret.

[polar void]

cause prose could be written or silent

[true ermine]

i, myself, make no sense. do not worry about it.

i'm really sorry

[polar void]

I think that's fair to be upset over that. When I wrote poetry, I think it helps to have multiple points that people can take out of the piece.

[true ermine]

Np

[polar void]

for example #1181390106280611880

is about a dad beating his kid

[true ermine]

Its good we talked it out!

[polar void]

but there's also the analysis of artistry

or self harm

[true ermine]

imma delete it x.
i got bad problems and i'm kinda weird and dumb. i'm deleting it. thanks for the feedback, people. i'll try to improve. buh-byeeee.

[polar void]

whatever way you go with that analysis is okay, and whilst I intended it to be about paternal abuse, it's whatever someone makes out of it

[polar void]

why?

I think this is a great piece

[true ermine]

of course, i'll check it out!

[polar void]

just because I didn't interpret it the way you had in mind

doesn't make it any less of an artistic beauty

so keep it :)

[true ermine]

no but i don't think so haha

[polar void]

for me :)

ima look back on it when i write my next one

[true ermine]

no it's okay haha
i'll take care of it xD.
alr imma check yoursss
i bet money it's gonna be amazing!!!

@rugged vigil has been typing for so long. i'm literally waiting for you to complete it so i can delete it. all you efforts would go down the drain if i delete it in between

[rugged vigil]

my thoughts : I loved the imagery and symbolism and especially the expression invoking a sense of melancholy and introspection, well i feel its a diverse for emotional responses and the kind of ambiguity it allows for personal connections loved it fr it just makes the reader feel the themes of loss, fate, and the passage of time and reflect on it i guess, well i must say it has its own structural elegance ( well i can go into detail for that if u want)
the progession from reflections i liked this too like the way it goes from life's tapestry to the maiden's name on a tombstone creates a powerful narrative arc, it does add sense of a profound revelation,
well poetic language/description well it did create a vivid and immersive experience for me as a reader, it has kind of cinematic quality to it which made me read a lot more times lol
and i appreciate the skillful use of tension and release tension and the way it has umm like dual prespectives i guess, like external observations and internal reflections...
the words are carefully chosen which gives me muscality vibes to it
and the title is perfect as it truly explains a moment between light and darkness, which mirrors the thematic exploration of life, loss and destiny...

( not sure if my thoughts on this poem are too right tho, well i am try to understand more)

[rugged vigil]

oh sorry

[spice arch]

Remember to use the appropriate tags. Post own does have an AI assisted tag.

[true ermine]

exactly how i expected people to interpret it or maybe how i would interpret it while reading for the first time.
thank you!

[true ermine]

excuse me? what the fnck?
have you ever read Macbeth? or have you read Shakespeare's sonnets?
if you don't know how to appreciate a poem, you're welcome to get the fnck out.

[rugged vigil]

i am glad but yea fr the vocab was bit tough for me but i learnt a lot of new words

[full eagle]

The best maidens are "veiled in sorrow's somber gown' lol. I think this was worded well and paints a clear picture. It's always interesting to see different interpretations of the prospect of awareness of death, because no one knows how aware of it you can be until it is happening.

[full eagle]

Also harbinger is an underused word

[true ermine]

or in this case, a sonnet. i've read 120 of Shakespeare's sonnet. bet you haven't read so much otherwise you wouldn't have written crap like this.

[true ermine]

i use it often.
debates and everything. i use it in my concluding stats

[true ermine]

right!

[true ermine]

happy to know!

[spice arch]

I sure have.

[true ermine]

You can't talk like that here - apologize and delete it please or I'll have to warn you. None of us can get in trouble or one of us can. And it won't be me! LOL

[rugged vigil]

🫡

[true ermine]

i'm happy to be in trouble but i really won't delete that. i'm okay with not being a part of this server or anything close to that. i value my self-respect a lot more than any of the warnings i'm gonna get.

?warn 994426705915686973 evading the profanity filter while harassing staff - disagreements are expected but verbal abuse is not

[analog pasture]

anna.a0_0 has been warned, this is their first warning.

[true ermine]

thanks val. you literally proved my point.

Just take a break for now.

warnings are only there to warn us more than you

it's not trouvle unless it keeps happening

[rugged vigil]

😭 WAIT I MEAN U COULD HAVE JUST SAID NO OR IGNORE IT FR
dont reply to messages which feel disrespectful i guess so i am not sure
cuz they arent worth replying for! be positive

🫡

[true ermine]

I'm sorry star upset you, you are valid to be upset perhaps - but the f bombs and gtfo part... not cool

[rugged vigil]

hmm

[true ermine]

I'd block people that bother you first and foremost @true ermine

[true ermine]

well that would actually prove their point. i'm actually completely fine with getting kicked out, trust me.

me included if need be - I'm sorry I had to warn you but I don't want to get in trouble either

[true ermine]

I like you! ❤️

[true ermine]

no it's okay. i'm cool with you even kicking me out. i would be proud to get kicked out for defending myself. i really don't care. not upset, don't worry!

[spice arch]

The work is okay, Some of the phrasing could use work perhaps to feel more natural and personal.

Yes I have read those poets. If I am 100% incorrect, there are more appropriate ways to respond. If I am partially correct, than my comment stands.

[true ermine]

it's okay you really don't have to get in trouble for me. i can actually handle it myself. thank you

[true ermine]

I feel you are very, very upset - I have no plans to kick you out as is nor do I want to tbh - I'm having a rough week too

[true ermine]

right, thanks

[true ermine]

no i'm not upset, trust me

why would i be?

there's no reason to be.

[rugged vigil]

hmm i get u but u know like its been a year for me on discord i would always try my best to be who i am not even change my way of words, cuz they disrespected me and i believe it especially for poets cuz come on their words are a kind of grace right ?
the best would be just try once in a peaceful way, 2nd time ignore and third time just say to the mod and block them.... well it wont prove their point as long as we arent bothered by it.... 🫂 but yea i can understand u

[rugged vigil]

😭 oh thank u haha

[spice arch]

When I get those ai vibes, I wont hesitate to let someone know, failing to take critique or write without the use of ai assisted tools is only cheating the writer/yourself.

An AI tag exists so users can experiment with modern tools and not have it be called plagiarism, as a reader I only ask for integrity.

[true ermine]

Yep! if staff would bug any of you guys we'd have to be punished too, usually by the owner:mod

but some discussions are good - but it's up to users if they want to engage

[true ermine]

i really don't wanna be a c-box. i'm okay with everything.

[rugged vigil]

hmm

[true ermine]

that's called "ignoring" which is basically disrespecting.

[rugged vigil]

what is c-box hehe sorry tho but yea

😭

[true ermine]

complaint box

well whatever

[rugged vigil]

oh okay but yea dont feel that way!
haha anyways lets just forget about it my friend 👊
well coming to ur poem it was really good for sure would love to write in that style for once haha

[true ermine]

man i've created too much drama. fun time but i really gotta delete it. whatever y'all have to say, dm. byeeeee

[true ermine]

thanks

[rugged vigil]

🫡

[true ermine]

how do you delete it

I'M SO STUPID

[rugged vigil]

well ig lol

idk how to say it

😭

[true ermine]

naurrrr

[true ermine]

you're not stupid! I can delete the comments that are negative

[rugged vigil]

i mean

go to

[true ermine]

how about that?

[rugged vigil]

3 dots

[true ermine]

like point it out!!

[rugged vigil]

and delete it

[true ermine]

no i don't want to delete negative comments

do not worry

[true ermine]

whereeee

[rugged vigil]

nah ig they want to delete their poem haha as they were saying it before

[rugged vigil]

on right corner

[true ermine]

top right corner i see a person

[rugged vigil]

are u using pc or phone ?

well let me screenshot it ig

[true ermine]

ph

[true ermine]

sure I just inferred it was from the comments ❤️

[true ermine]

no, ofc not
thanks for your concert :•}

[true ermine]

np, sorry for the awkward exchanges!

no i should be the one to apologize. why are you apologizing? do not worry about it, i told ya

[rugged vigil]

here u can see three dots

click on it

and u will see delete option

[true ermine]

it's okies ❤️ ty for being understanding

instead of the dots, i see a person

[true ermine]

are you thanking me for verbally abusing someone?
you really don't have to!

@rugged vigil i figured out a wayyyy
thanks for your helpppppp