#how do I make my poem more meaningful? (also TW my poem has self harm topics and bad words)

418 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

gusty badger
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What was going through your mind when writing this

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Did you felt like you released bottled up emotions or there still some stuck inside

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I felt the same way so many years ago I never left my mind entirely but somehow I picked up the pieces realize there was a purpose of being alive

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My advice utilizes your poetry to reevaluate your Life and your purpose

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Both positive and negative aspects

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I feel like you're at the start of a journey of discovering you

fresh stagBOT
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*I feel like you're at

the start of a journey of

discovering you*

- pablowheels
gusty badger
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In order to make it more meaningful tap into the entirety of the years of you being alive

trail cradleBOT
gusty badger
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You talked about how death is beautiful but how did death come to be

fresh stagBOT
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*You talked about how

death is beautiful but how

did death come to be*

- pablowheels
gusty badger
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Don't you feel Life is some degree connected to death

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I was not writing but thinking

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Of what you said

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I was trying to give you a good answer

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Do you Believe the “easy” way out is actually easy

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Have you considered looking for professional help

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How about self-care

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Is there a one thing you love about yourself

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Is there someone in your life talk to about this

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You care about poetry

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So use poetry is as a way to talk someone

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Write more about it

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Is there something you wanna write about

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How about your childhood

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For the 13 years you been alive what's one thing you care about

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Is there a show or game

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So write about them

undone crest
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Nah I don't like writing about people

gusty badger
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I got a good book for you it's called Letters to a young poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

undone crest
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I gotta go, bye I gess

gusty badger
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Good luck to you

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Think of what I said OK

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Good night

winter gale
tight dagger
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What nation do you reside, most places have a number you can call to vent or for when you have an emotional crisis.

undone crest
tight dagger
# undone crest I'm in Murica, although I just don't want to live

Discord is partners with Crisis Text Line, a nonprofit that provides 24/7 text-based mental health support and crisis intervention via trained volunteer Crisis Counselors.

If you report a message for self-harm within the Discord mobile app, you will be presented with information on how to connect with a Crisis Text Line volunteer Crisis Counselor. You can also text ‘DISCORD’ to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line counselors available 24/7 to help you or a friend through any mental health crisis. Our goal is to enable users to get the help they need for themselves, or empower others to get help, as quickly as possible.

This Crisis Text Line is available to those in the United States and is offered in English and Spanish.

#

Suicide LifeLines and Crisis Helplines:
If you are going through a difficult time, there is help available. The following resources provide support for individuals dealing with emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, or simply in need of someone to talk to. Remember, reaching out is a sign of strength, and these helplines are here to provide confidential and compassionate assistance. You are not alone, and there is support available for you. Please consider reaching out to these resources or contacting your local emergency services if you are in immediate danger. Your life and well-being matters, and help is only a call or text away.

Please see below:
United States and Territories:

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) for free and confidential support, available 24/7.

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor for free, 24/7.

The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+): Call 1-866-488-7386 or text "START" to 678678 for support.

undone crest
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I don't have the will to get help, sorry for making your life hard but I just don't see why life is something I should care about

trail cradleBOT
undone crest
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Also I'm a teenager, I have no money

tight dagger
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These things do not cost money, all these numbers are free

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please call the number.

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text or call 988

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or text DISCORD to 741741

tight dagger
undone crest
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I'm new in this neighborhood, and also I would have to go up to homes and I am very not social, also I live in Texas, many people have guns and hate people that are annoying

winter gale
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Wait what

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I live in TX myself and don't see much kiddos with guns

undone crest
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I'm an immigrant

winter gale
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oh

undone crest
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Yeah...

winter gale
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Well I've met like lots of immigrants in TX before so it's not that bad, they don't usually get cruel treatment

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unless it's the ones who haven't found a stable housing yet

undone crest
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Idk my parents are protective

winter gale
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It'll develop connections and benefits to your record

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Easier chances for a stable job

undone crest
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I also have a tight schedule

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I have to practice 1 hour every day

winter gale
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one hour doing what

undone crest
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Cello

winter gale
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ohh

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I have a hard instrument myself so I know your pain

winter gale
undone crest
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No, I wake up late and can't generally go anywhere

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On the weekends I stay at home and go to church

winter gale
undone crest
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I'm not old enough to go anywhere

winter gale
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Hmm, is it too much to ask for your age? Or if you're in high-school ones or not?

undone crest
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13

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Why are we talking about this, y'all are supposed to help me in my poem not say how "valuable" life is

winter gale
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I'm like 15

winter gale
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giving you a better state of mind and stuff

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helps with poetry

undone crest
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Ugh it's just one useless person

winter gale
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You just gotta ask your parents and look for websites and nearby areas

undone crest
winter gale
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You ride a bike?

undone crest
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No

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I'm just a useless kid

winter gale
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hmm unless you search thoroughly and there is nothing close enough to walk to, it can't be settled then right now

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just keep trying

undone crest
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I live in a small place

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It's basically a town

winter gale
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wait that's good then

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thats better than an apartment or normal house because you are near buildings and stuff that's not for housing but for other things

undone crest
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Uhh it's not like that, I'm just close to my school

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Also, let me be miserable

winter gale
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you can probably volunteer for stuff in your school then

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it might not seem like much, but it also shows in the records

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and connections can be made in school

winter gale
tight dagger
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Sometimes, A positive attitude makes all the difference, sometimes.

However, it sounds like what you're experiencing is more than just a low point. Yes, this type of poetry has its place, but obviously you mention it outside the poetry as well. I strongly encourage you to contact the numbers or websites I provided or let your parents know you're having a hard time - If you feel safe enough to do so.

And at your age, you emotions are your worst enemy. But your health is on your side, so if there is anything productive in addition to poetry, and other than death, that you can focus on, Please do. I understand you play an instrument, do you have any athletic activities or groups you participate in?

stiff latch
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Just let me say that what you're feeling is very natural, and can be very understandable to people who have or are in your situation. Talking with someone who gets that might help alot. I am very close with someone who has thought very similar things to what you've typed out, and let me say it can get better and you can make it better.

But it doesnt have to be today, just eventually whenever you feel ready.

I think calling the hotline is a good way to find someone who gets what you're going through, so you can ask them ways of how of how not to always feel like you currently are @undone crest

undone crest
tight dagger
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Do what you want.

stoic vortex
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I think no matter what you write as long as it comes from your heart and you really hurt and feel what you write than it has all the meaning in the word

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Most important thing is you relate to it

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I feel what you're going through and I will be happy to be here for any validation you need. I struggle with bpd and it's been tough. If you ever want to discuss what you're going through, I'm always here

undone crest
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I'm ||fine||

stoic vortex
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I find writing as a place to express my feelings, I hope it helps you too. Poetry is an amazing tool, writing or reading it can make you feel better

tight dagger
undone crest
slate quest
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So like, say "I feel X" or "I think I might be worrying about Y" or use dm's or modmail - but yeah! reach out for help but mind your words

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there's no excuse after we've been over this, I can't make special exceptions - poetry wise? you can do whatevs, saying TW:SH ||I want to kill myself||? Not cool bro.

slate quest
# undone crest I also have a tight schedule

I'd recommend reaching out to to a variety of us here, I'm burned out and sad lately too, we could complain to each other

the other people here care too ❤️ but yeah strike that balance or I'll have to do stuff I don't wanna do!!! :cries:

slate quest
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It took me many years to be brave enough to reach out professionally or otherwise, I don't want to see you have to deal with that like I did ❤️ you have good options and you can still split the difference and do this or that - also I'm deleting the triggering content then searching your name to check if you're behaving : P

slate quest
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if you want to be miserable do it somewhere else and stop hurting our users - I'll help you as I can - this isn't right

slate quest
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Seriously this deserves a ban - you're on the thinnest of ice

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You were discussing... materials for something

undone crest
slate quest
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Anyways - THERE YOU ARE

undone crest
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Sorry

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I was eating breakfast

slate quest
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YOU LITTLE SPIDER MONKEY - I DONT KNOW IF I SHOULDNHUG YOU ORNHUG YOU

undone crest
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I'm happy

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I don't have school today

slate quest
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well it's okay but try to avoid the hardcore stuff! I'll show you how to ask for help or be edgy witjout triggering the rules if you like

slate quest
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want to go to dms? I'm making foood too

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and dw about it

undone crest
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Ok

slate quest
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reach out to those people imo

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seunchi is close to your age

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ans you both write well ❤️

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I also have room in my class maybe if you want to join us

undone crest
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I already think I got help

undone crest
slate quest
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I'd jusr join for fun tbh!

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it's mostlt writing and whatevs! it's on saturdays and sundays at 6:30-7:30 EST

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and it just covers lots of poetry! but less lecture than workshop

fresh stagBOT
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*and it just covers

lots of poetry! but less

lecture than workshop*

- valhallatchyagirl
slate quest
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and all the materials will be there toooo

undone crest
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Ok

slate quest
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for anyone ❤️

undone crest
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Idk

slate quest
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man I'm sad lately hallo

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sad but happy both! weird mood

undone crest
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Why u sad :[

slate quest
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I'm making pizza to cope - oh I got this crush on a friend and I just dont want stuff to gwt weird! she's reallt cool and studd but AHGKDHDBCKFJF

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I'm hanging in there though

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Did anything happen for ya lately? I respect the dark poetry btw, we wont ever censor ya there

undone crest
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I ate pizza in the ER!!

slate quest
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I'm down to help ❤️ excited to read!

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WHAT NO WAY!!! thats dope

undone crest
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It was so yummy

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Ik

slate quest
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did you get any ginger ale? I love ginger ale in the hospital

undone crest
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But they didn't have Dr pepper

slate quest
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booooo

mortal veldt
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I love hospital Chai Latte ;-;

undone crest
slate quest
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reminds me of my one friend, they always only drank dr pepper

fresh stagBOT
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*reminds me of my

one friend, they always only

drank dr pepper*

- valhallatchyagirl
mortal veldt
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It's just so different compared to normal Chai Latte

slate quest
undone crest
mortal veldt
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Val can you check staff chat rq? ^^

slate quest
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sure! scared but okay! LOL

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oh daily time too blegh, hehehe

slate quest
winter gale
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Unless you're just talking about chats and stuff

slate quest
loud vortex
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hey! ik theres a bunch of replies to your poem (like 200+ rn) so since i havent gotten around to reading them all i apologize if i say something anyone else already said!!

i saw in one of your messages that you said youre 13 and this writing is very similar to how i was feeling at 13.

your writing is really great; you have a real knack for expressing internal dialogue. its a very immersive piece! i like how the actions of the POV are secondary to all of the feelings and thoughts. like the actions seem so minimally present or important as apposed to the inner reactions to everything. (until the end! in the end theres a stark contrast from the day. i will get to that in a sec)

a great example of a smart poetic decision is your use of formatting/line breaks/etc. like this below stood out to me:

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like as a reader i can physically see the interruption.

fresh stagBOT
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*like as a reader

i can physically see

the interruption.*

- audreyaudrey123
loud vortex
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i think another immersive aspect is your intentional use of stanza breaks to break up the parts of day. and the like "titles" of each class. as a reader, it puts me back in school, like im walking through with/as the POV!

ugh if you cant tell im a sucker for immersive writing! another thing i like is when you impliment "show don't tell." a great example is when you don't just state "my name is" but instead write this:

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as a reader, i truly feel as though i'm in the POV's environment!!

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I also think repitition is a really great device for storytelling. and i think you use it well here:

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you use it a lot throughout your writing, but i like the hate/wish contrast

i also think its VERY representative of how mental health disorders manifest. i have struggled w my fair share of mh issues, and i see my self represented accurately in your writing. its very realistic in how obsessive and incessant the negative thoughts are-- and how truly debilitating they feel

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this part stuck out to me.i looove symbolism and the inner light flickering is a great way of showing how it feels for your inner light-- happiness, life, motivation-- to be on its way out

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"I want the universe to forget me" is a line that hits hard. it strengthens the line putting it at the bottom of the stanza. it definitely adds power and importance concluding that stanza with it

i can also entirely connect with this! when i was your age and even up until not that long ago i felt this same way

i am turning 18 in a month, and its truly crazy how time (and therapy and sometimes medication) heals. i cant recommend help enough (although im not here to preach at you. im here to give feedback on poetry!!)

undone crest
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I was just eating pasta, but dang

loud vortex
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hey!

undone crest
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Ello

loud vortex
# loud vortex

this scene you set is very strong. i can envision the POV daydreaming in class about this. its a very scary idea, but the way the POV approaches the subject so casually is not lost on me. each line is simple and minimal. the non-challant-ness about this subject definietly gives me as a reader major insight into the POV's psyche

i like how you set up the scene and then the POV relfects on the scene after "death." (plus bonus points for the repitition!!!) its very accurate in my experience to suicidality. its almost like this sad fantasy, but always sounds a lot better in our heads than out in real life unfortunately

undone crest
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Yeah

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I have a whole another poem about how I see myself dead and think it's "paradise"

loud vortex
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i just about screamed reading the start of the PE one because i LOVE how the verbs here match the class. "chase'!! yes!! its very physical and its a very smart decision.

I also like the physical seperation "But I" to seperate others and the POV. your use of formating is very unique and inventive, and so poetic. i love the added layer here. it reads very well.

image.png
loud vortex
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those topics are always hard

undone crest
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Idk

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For me it's casual

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Also

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I can always distinguish people that actually want to die and people who just want attention

loud vortex
trail cradleBOT
mortal veldt
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Erm

undone crest
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They announce it like a big deal

loud vortex
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oh yea i understand that. i think sometimes though when people want "attention" from saying stuff like that, really they are seeking support

mortal veldt
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If y'all have read it I'll delete that message.

static echo
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the example you gave was obvious but it’s not always that clear

fresh stagBOT
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*the example you

gave was obvious but it’s

not always that clear*

- kitpawsu
undone crest
mortal veldt
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If y'all wanna discuss in heavier detail please take it to DMs or a GC.

undone crest
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Oh yeah I'm out

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Not exactly but yk

loud vortex
mortal veldt
loud vortex
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okay thanks sm!!

mortal veldt
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I just don't want too heavy discussions since this is a partnered server with alot of youth ^^

undone crest
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I didn't like the ending

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It seemed cringe in some way

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idk why

loud vortex
mortal veldt
undone crest
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Yeah

static echo
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i suck at poetry and stuff so i don’t know a lot about it but i like this part

IMG_1539.png
loud vortex
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i like that there is an after-death stanza.

loud vortex
mortal veldt
loud vortex
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and more focused on the physical than the POV's internal thoughts (for the most part)

undone crest
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I don't like any of my writing

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Anyway

static echo
mortal veldt
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Are you going for a really simplistic poem @undone crest?

static echo
mortal veldt
undone crest
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I was originally going to put some German in the end

static echo
mortal veldt
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It is a pretty good poem but it could be improved in many ways.

loud vortex
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i agree w kit! i think the repitition works in your favor

undone crest
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Not much

static echo
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i use repetition in a lot of my poems

undone crest
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Yeah but I've overdone it

loud vortex
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repitition is great for emphasis and voice. i like how in this one it's great for representing the incessance of that depressive monologue

undone crest
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I might go in and change it

static echo
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i like the way u use repetition

mortal veldt
undone crest
loud vortex
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it reads smooth

undone crest
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I'm new to poetry

mortal veldt
undone crest
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No

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I just don't know that many words

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Maybe I could change the end to make it about non-existence forever

mortal veldt
loud vortex
undone crest
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Idk

loud vortex
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like he said somewhere earlier that he approaches this topic causually (as i apposed to me when i said it was a heavy one!)

mortal veldt
undone crest
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It's just part of my life

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"it is what it is"

mortal veldt
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I'm currently trying to look at ways to improve this part with a larger vocabulary.

IMG_1539.png
undone crest
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I'm just gon chance that all together

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I tried to be gory but it's just trash

loud vortex
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its vivid. you could try replacing "is" with the stronger verb

like instead of "my body is hanging," you'd write, "my body hangs/ My body rots" and so forth. its more immediate (plus blends right into when you say "my neck snaps"!

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i dont know how you feel about prose rules controversy haha but i find minimizing my -ing verbs to be helpful w flow

undone crest
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Meh, I think I have a better idea

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You'll see later

loud vortex
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looking forward to it!

mortal veldt
# mortal veldt I'm currently trying to look at ways to improve this part with a larger vocabula...

If I were to change this to make it more "meaningful" I would do it in a way such as this;
(Just something I wrote quickly ontop of my head so it's not that great)

My body-
It reaks of rot-
My body-
Lost in this space
I've been forsaken
I'm left hanging
My neck lets out a slight snap as my body falls limp.
I am becoming one with nature-
My body-
Disintegrating
Bugs devour my body once so lively;
Compost lays left with a few- bare- bones.

undone crest
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I changed it already... Sorry 😔

mortal veldt
undone crest
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I think I'm done

loud vortex
loud vortex
undone crest
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I tried to do something I did on another poem

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Idk if it's good

loud vortex
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i like it! i find the black highlight distracting, but i do like the light/darkness themes in the content!

trail cradleBOT
undone crest
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It's not that good

loud vortex
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i really enjoyed the rotting imagery of your prior ending because it gave me as a reader something to envision and connect to the POV

undone crest
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Idk

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I didn't like that part, I just always see the bad stuff

loud vortex
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yea i get that. its hard to look at our own writing clearly

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self deprication's a jerk!

undone crest
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It's not only writing, but anyway

mortal veldt
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There are very few bad poems

loud vortex
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sometimes i put a piece away for like a week and then look back at it with fresh eyes and see things i didnt see before

mortal veldt
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We mostly write poems to reflect our feelnigs

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Feelings

undone crest
loud vortex
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charpa's right

mortal veldt
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A poem you write that you see as bad usually is because it doesn't reflect what you want it to reflect in the right way.

loud vortex
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thats so insightful omg

undone crest
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Yeah, I don't know how I feel

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I change emotions a lot quickly

mortal veldt
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You should try looking a little more at what you're trying to reflect with your poem.

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I think that would help!

undone crest
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I don't know how or what I feel because it changes all the time

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There's very few feelings I have that don't change, like hating pinnaple on pizza

mortal veldt
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Ah I feel that, you don't know how many poems I've thrown away haha.

fresh stagBOT
#

*Ah I feel that, you

don't know how many poems I've

thrown away haha.*

- charpa.
loud vortex
mortal veldt
undone crest
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So im just blue and orange?

loud vortex
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well you start in the middle and then move towards the outside

mortal veldt
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Hallo if you continue writing on this poem and you get done please ping me! I have to go for now.

loud vortex
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so like sometimes i feel"sad" but really i feel guilty, yk?

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sometimes its multiple emotions!

undone crest
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Ye

loud vortex
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take care charpa!!

undone crest
#

Bye

mortal veldt
mortal veldt
undone crest
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What if I feel the whole blue section?

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Dark blue

loud vortex
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hmm are you in school?

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maybe you could visit a school counselor?

undone crest
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Meh, I alr did

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I got sent to the ER

loud vortex
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why?

undone crest
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I have "high risk"

loud vortex
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(charpa said if it gets like too detailed abt suicide and stuff we cant talk here! just warning you)

loud vortex
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it sucks

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but sometimes its important to to keep us safe

undone crest
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I had to lie

trail cradleBOT
undone crest
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I don't wanna go to the psych

loud vortex
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psychiatric facilities arent all that bad. i mean they arent great or fun, but sometimes they help you

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sometimes youmake some friends

undone crest
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I don't care, I don't want help

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I want to be miserable

loud vortex
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i understand that feeling. feeling miserable can sometimes feel comforting for me

undone crest
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I just hate myself

loud vortex
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like its all youve known for so long that it feels like home yk

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but its feels sm better not being miserable

undone crest
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It's also expensive

loud vortex
undone crest
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I don't want to be a waste again

loud vortex
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it really is. but if you need it, you shouldnt feel guilty about using it yk?

undone crest
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I should

loud vortex
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like a cancer patient shouldnt feel bad that his medicine and hospital stay costs money, yk?

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neither should you

undone crest
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And I don't matter

loud vortex
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so are psych facilities

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everyone matters

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there are no special people that matter because everyone does

fresh stagBOT
#

*there are no special

people that matter because

everyone does*

- audreyaudrey123
undone crest
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Everyone except me

loud vortex
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youre wrong. your brain is lying to you!

mortal veldt
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I just checked the convo rq I'm on my phone rn so excuse my slow responses but-

loud vortex
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you dont have to believe me

undone crest
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Why do u even matter to you?

mortal veldt
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I do understand how you feel aswell

undone crest
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It's not a dhar mann video

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You don't get anything

mortal veldt
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Hallo are you still in school?

undone crest
#

Yes

loud vortex
trail cradleBOT
undone crest
#

Sorry

loud vortex
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gotcha

loud vortex
#

you are human

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and a child

mortal veldt
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You have a whole life ahead of you.

loud vortex
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i dont need to give you reasons because you inherently matter

undone crest
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who cares?

loud vortex
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i do

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i bet charpa does

mortal veldt
loud vortex
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hundred of millions of people cried today over grief

undone crest
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What are you going to do?

loud vortex
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i cant do anything. its in your hands

undone crest
loud vortex
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no they don't

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parents will never recover from the loss of a child

undone crest
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They will laugh after

undone crest
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I'm meaningless

mortal veldt
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Trust me

undone crest
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They do!!!!

loud vortex
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four years ago i ran cross country with a girl for like 3 months after school, and she || killed herself || the next year and i STILL think about her. i wasn't friends w her and barely knew her but when she died everyone cried. she was your age too.

undone crest
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Especially for me,

loud vortex
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charpas right

undone crest
#

I'm nobody

loud vortex
# undone crest They do

they never do. her sister still has an instagram account where she posts photos of her sister because she's still grieving that loss

undone crest
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My friends have many other

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Friends

loud vortex
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and one day shes gonna run out of photos to post and it will be a really sad day

mortal veldt
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Hallo my old best friend ||took her life|| years ago and their parents have only gotten worse

undone crest
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I won't be there to see them cry

loud vortex
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thats so heartbreaking charpa. im so sorry to hear that

and hallo charpa's right

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:(

undone crest
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I'll just be nonexistent

loud vortex
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its really sad and traumatizing stuff

undone crest
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They ain't gon see me

loud vortex
undone crest
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I'll prob run away

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They wouldn't even know if I'm dead

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They'll have hope

loud vortex
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they will never stop missing you

undone crest
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They'll think one day I'll come back, they'll think about me and have hope

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Why we even talking about myself, just let me be, don't they all say that?

loud vortex
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i have to go but be safe

undone crest