homesick

[frigid bluff]

In the quiet of night, a lonesome refrain,
I'm homesick for arms that don't want to hold me again.
Whispers of love lost, like a haunting melody,
Embraces denied, yet etched in my memory.

The moonlight weaves tales of a bittersweet past,
Longing for arms that slipped away, too fast.
A dance with shadows, a yearning untold,
Homesick for embraces, in a love grown cold.

Silent echoes whisper through the soul's hollow,
Craving connection where love chose to swallow.
Yet, in the ache, resilience takes its stand,
For new arms may come, and love will expand.

not my best work but im learning to love everything i write so i hope you enjoy 😊

[shut iris]

this is beautiful poem! very emotive!

maybe rather tha "echoes echo" you could use "whispers echo" or smthn. echoes echo seems a bit repetitive imo but i love it so much

[frigid bluff]

yess i love that actually imma work on it some cause i would like to see it at its full potential

[shut iris]

you got this 💪

[celest briar]

Line by line;

1 Don't love "lonesome refrain"
2 Great line
3 The transition to this line is weird, but otherwise I like it
4. This line can be understood easily, but also bothers me a lot because how can you remember a thing that didn't happen

5. Whose / what's bittersweet past?

6. Great line

7. untold to whom

8. Who is homesick? The moon? Cold is a little vague in regards to love

9. Soul's hollow is a little ambiguous as an expression, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollow

10. Swallow what?

11. Very funny for wording to suggest resilience has a singular stand. Also, where exactly is the ache? Presumably a heart but...

12. "new arms may come" kinda goes without saying, also, what does it mean for love to expand?

Overall there were some issues with clarity, specifically things not be specified when they likely should have. I don't think it would take much to fix this up a bit and make it an easy, moving read.