#The Worst Thing Happened

60 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

inner maple
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I feel like a fool. I wanna cry. It hurts so much. I wanna die.
When I turn back the pages and study the lines
The mind wanders to how the hell could have I been so blind?
We met and you saw how I couldn’t hide my scars
Somehow the message didn’t send that it meant to stay far.

I’m not known to get naked. The water’s too cold so I hate it.
Though, I thought you were warm. So now Im just a fool.
But you wouldn’t know how low it feels to be used like a tool
At least, I’m speaking for me specifically.

Why’d I decide to play a game you rigged so I’d always lose.
Why’d you step on me and rubbed me down with your shoes.
Didn’t you see I was crying?
Did you even care that I was dying?
And now when our eyes meet, all I can see are your words of deceit.

And Id say “Apologies are a foreign language to boys”
Said it loud so I could block out the inside noise.
I wanted to be happy through me softly hearing static.
I thought I’ve done it, my optimism was tragic.

Nothing you do could ever be real
All this work now, desperate to be healed.
I’m exhausted from burning
I get blistered for yearning.
God, please protect me.
I don’t want these losers to digest me.

sullen island
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hey I think this is more like a long poem

inner maple
sullen island
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do you like the song fool by frankie

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if you don't know it I suggest it

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fits the poem

inner maple
cerulean inletBOT
stark berry
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Also this poem, I relate to it. I feel you man, hits home fr, It's really good and id say revisit the part about apologies being foreign and stuff, I think it could be improved

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Including the inside noise part too

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just my opinion tho, if u don't want to its fine

inner maple
stark berry
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Yeah that part doesn't fit a bit

inner maple
stark berry
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Yeah

sullen island
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yes

inner maple
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And Id say, Apologies are a foreign language to boys
Loudly so I blocked out the inside noise.
I wanted to be happy through me softly hearing static.

stark berry
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How about

I'd say,
"Sorry" seems,
too strange to boys.
Loudly, I silenced my inner noise.
I longed for joy, amidst the gentle static noise.

That fits better I'd say

inner maple
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okay ill keep the words the og poem said

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but ill take note how it got revised

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since i dint come up with it

stark berry
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Yeah I hope it helped you tho!

inner maple
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thanks glad u liked other parts of the poem

inner maple
opal orchid
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strong sense of musicality with the rhythm and rhyme. i would change it in a way where you don't directly say how you feel. there are no hard rules in writing but i try to avoid that in general

inner maple
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poetry ppl so against direct speaking

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ill add sum imagery in a poem n theyll say add more

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its just n ibservation

opal orchid
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i can't speak for others but my personal thoughts on it

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in general you want what you say to be interesting and memorable. so if you directly say how you feel, you're missing out on the chance to create something unique to you

inner maple
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long for me is over 3 pages generally

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and I believe that tracks with published works

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2-3 pages maybe

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Just my own opinion ofc, I'm often wrong hehe

inner maple
inner maple
inner maple
inner maple
# inner maple I feel like a fool. I wanna cry. It hurts so much. I wanna die. When I turn back...

Lots of dope stacked rhymes within poem, and a lot of awesome slant rhymes! The consonance here is really spectacular I feel especially: "I’m not known to get naked." and the NEXT line is really thought provoking with how that fits in.

Over all I just really enjoy this piece, I'd be curious about different typographical ideas? But I'm pretty biased (and just bored of endline rhymes at this point in my journey, but to MANY they are preferrable, so I like to think, thinking of your audience can help here - and also doing what you want to do ❤️ ).

silent holly
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hi val

inner maple
inner maple
# silent holly hi val

hiya! Excited to read some more of your stuff sometime soon too btw! Hope I haven't missed any dm's I'm uber behind from taking some time off and just getting into lots of trouble.

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Fun trouble though!

silent holly
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i havent written a poem in so long

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i never post them here

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but i write them

silent holly
inner maple
# silent holly ill post one rn

Sure gimme a tag pretty plox! I find it impossible to keep up with the poems as they get posted and I gotta hop off here ❤️ I can't wait! I'd also suggest putting 'Jax' in the title to make them searchable more easily perhaps! I use 'Val' in my own for that reason.

inner maple
inner maple
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this bloke is one of the rapscallions of a bit back in the dizzay

jovial mortarBOT
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*this bloke is one of

the rapscallions of a bit

back in the dizzay*

- valhallatchyagirl
inner maple
inner maple
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Typography is any arrangement of the page to my knowledge generally

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that's a spicier version of it however

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The sky is the limit a bit with typography, but editing it if you get a nice form but have to change stuff can be miserable, so use caution!

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It can be subtle too, and often that's my more favorite type ❤️