#Anhelo

44 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

long mirage
#

I long,
For the day where I
Don't have to pick up,
The fragmented pieces
Of my sanity,
Ever again.

I long,
For the day I find peace again,
Where the tranquility
So good that my body
Won't hurt me,
Ever again.

I long,
For the day where I can live
With my past again.
Regret sinks its claws
Deep in old pages as I bleed,
The same old pages that I
Enjoyed in the moment but
Now dread in the already happened.
I don't want to regret my past, ever again.

I long,
For the day my past truamas
Leave me be.
Setting me free
Like the leaves
Carried by the breeze
As they unshackle me.
I want to be set free,
And not be burden by them,
Ever again.

I long,
For the day my future remains obscure
And my mind not make it clear,
As every event and outcome my mind conjures,
It always happens the same way,
My mind conjured.
I want to not worry about the future,
And when I do,
I want it to not happen
The same way my mind conjured it,
Ever again.

All these chains,
The same kind
But not the same name.
All these things I yearn,
But this feeling of longing
Keeps fading away, as my voice slowly fails me.
I scream for help as these chains
Bind me more fiercely as nobody helps me,
I'm growing weak,
These chains are burying me.
Going underground,
Whilst I start to drown,
Vitality leaving my body,
Ever so slowly.

exotic sequoia
#

This is sad 😔

#

You must have a troubled mind…

#

Like a lot of us you have somewhat of a fractured mind it seems

#

Broken up between all the conflicting emotions

#

This was pretty long, I think you did good in it fr 👍

#

Hope to see something of yours that’s alittle more happy in the future.

long mirage
#

Thank you, and yeah I tried to convey my problems through the poem. I'll try to write a happy one since I've been better these days

jade plinthBOT
regal sorrel
#

i like this a lot, especially the imagery and how its woven into the language to create smooth feelings. i really like the writing style too. woo !

long mirage
#

Thank you! Would you believe me if I said this is my first time writing a poem lmao. Well I had some experience from reading Shakespeare stuff here and there

regal sorrel
#

yooo for first time that pretty good 😭 my first poem was something silly with rhymes and stuff but this kinda ateeeee

long mirage
#

I'm sure it's because of my emotions. if you feel the emotions when writing the poem then I'd say it will turn out good most of the time!

long mirage
#

@slate talon narration here too!

frigid tinsel
#

why is this so long

#

alright be impressed by my typing skills jkjk

long mirage
#

It's me on display, and im pretty amazing and awesome

#

So it's long

frigid tinsel
#

keep dreaming 🙈🙊🐵

#

joke

long mirage
#

U tanga

frigid tinsel
#

ok wait

#

u bobo

#

First stanza: it's alright, horrible introduction, could've done it better. Where's the rhymes?? I have yet to seen a SINGLE one. bros forgotten it's existence 😢😢, "thy" could be used like "thy fragmented piece" 1st stanza 4th line would be appreciated😊🙏❤

Could use biblical terms a lot more since the poem gives off that vibes.

Lines could improve:

"Where I
Don't have to pick up"

what?? I think it's supposed to be

"For the day,
Where I don't have to pick up the fragmented pieces
Of my sanity
Ever again."

#

complete the sentence in one line

#

Don't cut it off

long mirage
#

Tis my first poem cut me some slack😔

frigid tinsel
#

Second stanza: eh it's not bad, where's ur rhymes!?!?!?, it's okay in describing part, connection part can improve

U coulda used biblical lines (again)

Lines could improve:

"Where the tranquility" something else biblical

"So good that my body"

After that line, you could describe ur body in a better way aside from won't ever hurt me ever again.

frigid tinsel
#

third stanza: ehhh, the story development got better and it made up for the horrible story development in the second stanza 😂, it's definitely improved. Where the f is ur rhymes!?!? 😒😒😒

Lines that could improve: you can find it urself in this stanza 😭🥺🙂

long mirage
#

I didn't rhyme as much since i was more focused on my emotions, I have improved now tho!

frigid tinsel
#

4th, 5th, 6th

what, it's too long for a stanza even though some poems are like that!?!?, WHERE'S UR DAMN RHYMES

lines could improve:

"Conjures" you rushed that rhyme innit? Tried to make it sound nice and unique failed miserably

"conjured", just repeated conjures but past form 😭🤦‍♀️

The story line is good but progressed too fast

You used conjured too much.

"The same kind"

BOY YOU DIDN'T MAKE SENSE

WHATCHU MEAN "all these chains the same kind", WHAT KIND OF CONNECTION IS THAT??

u longing feelings part is fine I GUESS.

The others are mid/okay, could improve

#

okioki

#

im done

long mirage
#

Heheh

frigid tinsel
#

thoroughly.

jade plinthBOT
long mirage
frigid tinsel
#

NOW READ THE MANGA