Direction

[forest stream]

No new beginnings
No need to see what is real
But i'm forced outside

See the southern streets
I met souls of rage, noise... fear.
Cries burned as the air

Edged to eastern ends
Crossed begs, pleas, hurts, woes, false hope.
Oppressive sorrows

Near northern notches
Nothing, Frigid, Deserted
Lost, although, moving

Walk the western willows
Bright, breathing, calm, endurance.
Maybe not the end

[forest stream]

@pure plume just saw that you wanted to be tagged in the compass ones, heres mine!

[inner girder]

here's feedback. Your poem explores a unique perspective, but it could benefit from richer imagery and emotional depth. Consider adding more context or narrative development for clarity, and ensure consistent use of punctuation and capitalization for a polished appearance. The dialogue in the poem is a strong point; you might expand on it to create a deeper connection with the reader.

[proven rock]

I first consider the constant, relentless use of hard, stressed consonants in the language -
Hard consonants: NO new NO need; SEE the, I meet; CROSSED begs, NEAR northern, Nothing, LOST although, WALK the, BRIGHT BREATHing, MAYbe
Constant use of hard stressed consonants create a kind of bitterness which I think mimics the cold environments of the scenery - “forced outside”, “the air”, “Frigid”, “Northern notches”, “western willows” all this setting language creates an air of coldness throughout the poem, this was something I felt on my first fluid reading before I started my analytical inspection - I felt as though I was being given frostbite by the word choice and setting. You have this bitter hard language at every sentence starting and every reference to the setting is using connotations of coldness and winter or a frosty night. I believe this ‘cold’ motif and choice of description for the setting mirrors a ‘coldness felt by the poet who is ‘forced outside’.

One thing to note in this line just referenced is the non-capitalisation of the “i’m” - this seems to be a deliberate choice as the appostrophe’s inclusion seems to rule out grammatical clumsiness. For me, while most of the poem is creating a bitter cold harshness with these hard stressed consonants throughout which mirror well the setting, this minimisation of the ‘I’ seems to suggest a weak retreat into the self, while hardening the environment the poet softens himself, seeming to suggest a feeling of emasculation or minimisation being felt.

Returning to my previous analysis of the unforgiving coldness of the poem, I consider an instance of warmth. “Breathing, calm, endurance” notably this language creates a softer tone with the image of a deep bellowing breath replacing that of a cold harsh wind and a “calm” and an “endurance” being introduced, notably this chosen quote is more unstressed in terms of the word choice and language whereas previous lines are heavy hitting with the ward stress. It’s not a coincidence I feel that this proceeds a consideration from the poet that this is “not the end”.

I feel the hardness of the poem is created in a dark cold winter setting in which the poet feels an “end” has come. We are then thawed out of this bleak bubble in a sense at the conclusion where warm, slow and unstressed language comes forth to sooth us at the exact moment the poet considers this may NOT be an end. In this way setting, word choice, tone and linguistic device (namely word stress) take us on the same rugged, bleak journey to a comforting light as the poet seems to have felt in his own mind considering firstly the winter of an end then a promising hopeful spring in a continuing existence of this thing which once felt lost.

hap-dash analysis from me, but it will do

[pure plume]

Thx 🙂

Good work!!!