Does the silence grow for the crew who misunderstood the row?
This boat, a gathering supposedly thought stable
and now uncertain in unknown waters previously said to be known.
Some delirious jump overboard, with map and compass and run amok.
The captain tries to sort it out and though rebel fight and shoot, none can grab the helm from him.
The wrong way, the wrong way.
Every man holds his map.
With rumours of mutiny in full swing.
It was supposed to be an easy win.
And with prophecies about the ship's demise
and every sailor a captain, with treasure in glittering eyes,
lifeboats sink and some come ashore.
Every man knows the way,
that wayward turn
Thousands of ways.
Every man a captain.
Every man a leader.
Direction had never been freer.
Yet after all is said and done
with shipwrecks everywhere and men undone.
That old ship goes forth, throwing rebels overboard.
Their captains are always at the helm.
And despite rumours of its sinking-
let him judge who has diven deep
into the waters of history and
plucked his own wreck from the darkest depths.
#Barque
idle bolt
2019 poem with minor edits
gray falcon
Does the silence grow for the crew who misunderstood the row?
This boat, a gathe...
I just started reading this and I just want to say
The one trap to fall into is that opening sentence
The opening sentence is WAY to long
I feel although there was a way to split this into two, it feels like I am reading a novel so far
gray falcon
Does the silence grow for the crew who misunderstood the row?
This boat, a gathe...
“Every man a captain
Every man a leader”
I LOVE the use of accents here
It sounds like a pirate is talking
Really well done there
I think the poem in itself is great
However, similar to what I said at the start, there are many sentences in here that seem like descriptions in a novel rather than a poem
Which can be fine in some poems, as long as they’re executed well
zinc monolithBOT
gray falcon
These do feel more like descriptions than anything
So i’d recommend either splitting them into different segments
zinc monolithBOT
gray falcon
Or making the longer sentences come to life a little bit
Think of “My last duchess” (If you have ever seen it)
The speaker uses longer sentences to increase the tempo of reading speed, which presents his anger caused through his jealousy
idle bolt