#Love’s Inferno

21 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

hushed adder
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In wistful thoughts, shall I reside,
Or in shadows, shall I depart?
Perhaps I was once yours, it's hard to deny,
Yet, vanish, retreat, I plead, my heart.
Roses parading, trailing behind your way,
Upon the strand, as certain as I beseech,
Withdraw, recede, I implore, I pray,
Like tinder to flame, lessons they teach.

Into the hamlet, our journey unfolds,
Seeking your sanctuary, where spires ascend,
Lost in a terrain where bitterness molds,
To be lost, to wander, our love's bitter end.
Sing in hushed tones, beneath sorrow's yoke,
Pious verses whispered in bliss,
Upon the shores, where these secrets spoke,
Withdraw, recede, my plea, my silent kiss.

Oh, fateful day, when envy did choose,
Shattered by hours, the cruel divide,
All I uttered to you, now it bemuse,
Like kindling to inferno, our love did subside.
Into the township, our fates intertwined,
Seeking your refuge, where aspirations rise,
To be lost, to wander, a love maligned,
Never we discern, the truth in disguise.

Never shall they unveil where fortresses grow,
Only your heart shall heed their silent song,
Sing in muted strains, our past's undertow,
Sing in muted strains, as we both move along.

hoary ginkgo
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beautiful piece filled with complex imagery. feels like that short moment after a break up where you think the last kiss might save things. also love how you repeat 'to be lost, to wander..'

hushed adder
random nova
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I literally fcken love all your poems egg

hushed adder
random nova
hushed adder
random nova
random nova
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^narration

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one flub but I'm getting a great idea of the evocativeness

hushed adder
# random nova

The holistic meaning of the poem was based on the fact ultimately, there are some things that cannot be fully understood or reclaimed. It ends with a bittersweet sense of acceptance and moving forward. The person knows that is best, but they didn't want it to necessarily come to this. Also, it really does emphasize a sense of longing and regret for a past love that was marred by external influences and hidden emotions. This is based on a true, person experience of mine.

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I appreciate the feedback, it does mean a lot!

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Is there anything you think I could necessarily improve upon it?

random nova
hushed adder
random nova
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" I tried to channel my inner egg here a bit - I LIKE the idea of the 8 line stanzas, but for this demo I'll use four lines; my thought process was, to help the clarity potentially WHILE adding more devices, and to also help the enjambment will a little bit more natural if I could. Meterwise I went with whatever felt good enough LOL - I did not go for this exhaustively, it's just too difficult for me because of my current collection and lack of practice lol.

I DID shoot for ten syllables per line to give it a classicalism feel. Now there ARE meters down there are, there always are - they just shift in and out : P - note that's just how I feel, but I like to approach them quantitatively - if I read this and I hated how it flowed, then I'd probably keep tweaking it.

Within wistful thoughts will I now reside,
Or in shadows shall I ev'more depart?
Undeniably I was once alone thine, -
And yet here I ask "Vanish, speak"- my heart.

The roses trailing behind you escape
Farther upon the strand, fiercely fleeing
Like my deepest wishes: "Withdraw, recede"
Like thine lessons born in the briefest flames.

"

hushed adder