Hey Ya Northwest

[stiff tangle]

To the woman who holds
The heart of Seattle
Who knows the still waters
of Puget Sound
the Smell of Teen Spirit
and Castles Made of Sand

You stick out like the needle
In a city full of hay
Leave us wanting to
Say Anything... and Sleepless
With thoughts like
Multi-colored gum on a wall

Rainfall and fog Illuminated
with skyscraper windows
You steadfast the vertical winds
Like a rolling stone
And coast in clear skies
With wine on a Ferris wheel

Oh how everyone you know
Wants your presence
Like the sun through gray clouds
Or cool mist on a hot day
But you swirl, dance, and
Dissipate within arms length

Though allusive like
Underground cities
You’re a bumbling assortment
Of boundless depth
Much like the heart
You were blessed with

<@&1145760802666717234>

[hollow ore]

@Bybz your work is STRIKING! Please feel free to DM me to trade work (I'm particular about formatting so I mostly roll with PDFs and I'm on a narration binge)

Honestly I could POSSIBLY offer some typography suggestions PERHAPS, or MAYBE tweak something tiny but my main criticism is?

WHERE CAN I READ MORE?!!! The depth and variety from this poem and the last, your creativity, and your balance of devices within the forms you use is really, really good I think.

[stiff tangle]

Thank you! Yeah I’ll DM you. One thing I’ve wanted to do is compete in a poetry slam but a lot of my work doesn’t really translate in that setting and I have a bit of stage fright. I was shaking like crazy at the last open mic I went to.

@hollow ore

[hollow ore]

if you want to practice we could do some smaller open mics and you could read to us : ) we could go from voice to video to practice maybe! that's cool you'd like to do slam!!! your content is awesome it deserves to be seen and heard I feel!

[stiff tangle]

Man that was so cool! It really helps me see how I could perform it. Performing is a whole different game for me. Yeah it would be awesome to do some open mics which would help me get out the nervousness.

[hollow ore]

right on! I also think if you'd like, I use a particular grammar mark up for my writing which some LOVE aesthetically and some don't BUT: it ALSO helps me remember where I want to put extra emphasis, where to change speakers, when to pause (and for how long), so I find it SUPREMELY helpful for my chonkier bois!

[hollow ore]

to that end I basically read while I write once the draft is close? then fiddle with the grammar and tailor the 'reading portion' - you may want to take notes for yourself to make it easier perhaps? purely depending on how you want to do it! the cons to grammar mark up can be they pidgeon hole the performance (but also can design it) whereas with less grammar you have almost UNLIMITED freedom - I also find it helpful to try to draw out words or change the speed to add interest and dynamics to make it feel "alive" - one thing I like is to just be impacted by the words themself? So like if a sentence ends on "stings" I'm going to lean into that sibilance typicaly and draw it out a bit for effect (though i might do a stacco effect if it was in the bridge of the poem instead).

[stiff tangle]

Great advice here. A lot of terms I don’t know but I’ll do some homework for sure.