#Where I’m From: Competition

96 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

raven wasp
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This is the poem im entering into a competition lmk what you think.

I hail from the oak tree in the park's heart,
Carved with names like Chris, Alex, and Mark, a start.
Where long grasses under the knoll would sway,
And allergies danced as I leaped in play.

"You Kicked It Over," the preschool days recalled,
Chasing soccer balls, adventures uncontrolled.
Ping pong at the gym, my height fell short,
Yet I'd reach for the stars on that table's fort.

Concrete stairs, my makeshift slide,
A sign's warning ignored, on a thrilling ride.
"Slippery when wet," it wisely said,
Splinters in my feet, goals overhead.

Rolling down the grassy dip with glee,
Bindis on my skin, the price to be free.
Chirps of lorikeets and magpies, a daily call,
Begging for crumbs on my balcony, small.

"Big Playground" memories, picnics with delight,
Slim Dusty's "Waltzing Matilda," our car's constant invite.
Tender Buuz, Mongolian dumplings so fine,
Spaghetti with ketchup, a ruse to dine.

Seasonal trips to Wollongong's embrace,
Temples explored, choc chip ice cream's sweet grace.
"Love yourself the most," the mantra we'd shout,
"Try your hardest," without a doubt.

Staying up late, keys rattling the door,
I'd feign slumber, as my parents' steps encore.
Little Bay's beauty, blue bottles by the shore,
Bronte Beach's hidden rocks, where adventures galore.

This is my origin, a tapestry of life's narrative,
Filled with memories and moments, where my heart did live.

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<@&1144090752457113794> <@&1145760802666717234>

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does it sound ai? bc it will be bad if it does since they might not think i wrote it

raven wasp
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tear me apart

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give your straight honest feedback

warm hamlet
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It's not ai.. it's amazing. Just a memoir enchanted with poetry.. I love the last lines.. 'a tapestry of life's narrative'

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Solid 8

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Keep it up!

raven wasp
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out of what?

warm hamlet
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What do you think lol

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8/10, I'll be more specific in the future

raven wasp
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11 maybe 11.2?

warm hamlet
raven wasp
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should i send another poem here?

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the one that valhall really liked

warm hamlet
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uh, idk, your choice

raven wasp
warm hamlet
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My lowest once was a 4, don't ask why

raven wasp
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wait what form of poetry is this

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like ballad or what

warm hamlet
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I can be critically demotivating and optimistically encouraging at the same time, so yea

raven wasp
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it might be a ballad but in aabb

warm hamlet
warm hamlet
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Ballads are in abab though right

flat vine
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not sure what AI sounds like but I'd wager NO! I'd assume AI would be a little surreal and perhaps verbose - but that's only a guess @raven wasp

flat vine
raven wasp
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nno ballads traditionally are in abcb

warm hamlet
flat vine
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are they metered?

warm hamlet
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Must be, I read many in my library in a translated text so I might be mistaken

flat vine
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for most contemporary published poetry I read it's typically free form but flush with devices - so mot ABAB but THERE ARE MORE rhymes generally than 4 over 4 lines

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(depending)

raven wasp
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@raven heath

raven heath
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raven wasp
raven heath
raven wasp
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tyy

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i just started poetry this term

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and my teacher noticed how good i was because i thought so abstractly

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so she encouraged me to try to write poetry as much as i could

raven heath
raven wasp
odd oasisBOT
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*i really want to

use this word in my poem

tomorrow “Saudade”*

raven wasp
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its a very rare word

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Saudade is an emotional state of melancholic or profoundly nostalgic longing for a beloved yet absent something or someone. It is often associated with a repressed understanding that one might never encounter the object of longing ever again.

warm hamlet
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Interesting

raven wasp
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have you ever heard of it?

raven heath
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warm hamlet
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Not till today, thanks for the info

raven wasp
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i usually ask chatgpt for rare words before i start a piece and try to implement those words in my writing

warm hamlet
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That's pretty resourceful

raven heath
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raven wasp
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it should be used as an information tool used to “AID” you in your work

raven heath
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raven wasp
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plus chatgpt is general if you need better ones for specific subjects then make your own

warm hamlet
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I use it for finding arguments to debate about, because I like debating in solitude

raven wasp
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it was studied in a university research

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and 45% of the essays didnt follow the topic asked

warm hamlet
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Really, that's interesting

raven heath
raven wasp
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plus AI is really obvious

raven wasp
warm hamlet
warm hamlet
raven wasp
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i hate ais that feel so “ai’y”

warm hamlet
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Lmao-

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Hmm

raven heath
raven wasp
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stream of conciousness is so fun

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once in 15 minutes i wrote 4 pages

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i think it started with the apple vision pros and ended with hot dog bread

raven heath
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raven wasp
raven heath
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One message removed from a suspended account.

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raven wasp
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no one has read my space poem

raven heath
warm hamlet
raven heath
nocturne violet
# flat vine

If this is your voice, then you should do podcasts and do poetry recitation for poem books. ✨️

flat vine
nocturne violet
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It is..

flat vine
native locust
raven wasp
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@flat vine this is the one i want