#War.

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

light quartz
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War.
Sometimes, Sometimes I think of war. 
Going off, with meaning added to my existence.
A sense of respect and accomplishment. A brotherhood.
Sometimes, Sometimes I think of going to war.
To leave society, To fight. To do more than exist.
I want to be more, I want to live, Yet I want to die.
Sometimes, Sometimes I think of going to war to die.

My second ever poem, would love some comments, I’m always trying to improve

median stratus
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One huge recommendation of mine if you're trying to improve especially is to poke around, whether through published or non published poets, and see what you like and then think about how maybe you could do it in your own way - there's a lot of poets who do stuff I CAN'T do as well as them - but I can still usually take something away - and usually if you check out their work they'll help you with yours too! It's really surreal to have someone be a fan of your work whom you're a fan of!

median stratus
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Main advice is to play with the form IMO

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CHeck out what I did over in umm... what's it

light quartz
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Yeah awesome, I kindof just write poetry when I’m down, I have 0 experience with learning anything about it

median stratus
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ahh 'love' - I gave a big example for funsies - that should help you get some ideas!

light quartz
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Just my thoughts n feelings yknoe

median stratus
light quartz
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Yeah for sure man thanks

median stratus
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like the last two poems - if you change them, I'd keep backups because I feel like the ones you posted are really, really punchy, organic, and just 'you' - and you do it in this subtle way that I feel is conducive to letting the message stand up for itself while the devices support it

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I'm definitely excited to see how you grow as a writer and what fun stuff you can get into!

light quartz
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Really appreciate your feed back, I’ll definitely read into a few of the the things you’ve talked of me about. Thanks a lot