absolute desolation of the heart- written by me
#absolute desolation of the heart- written by me
urban pulsar
vague forge
it s lovely
urban pulsar
it s lovely
thank you ❤️
urban pulsar
I specially love the beginning
thank you ❤️
vague forge
Successfully expresses the strong emotion of hatred to the reader, so that's good.
I also feel some bits and pieces of the poem are off. I liked the starting with father's memory, which adds some substance to it or say backstory aka where you are coming from.
But the part where you express your hatred towards that particular "you" is a bit confusing coupled with "Ive grown to hate...", it leaves reader confused why. Why is there such a shift in you to call yourself someone who is grown to hate. The substance like at the start, could be sprinkled at other parts of story too.
urban pulsar
Successfully expresses the strong emotion of hatred to the reader, so that's goo...
It’s about my father
vague forge
It’s about my father
I felt so , hmm
vague forge
It’s about my father
Dislike towards father, oh, I think we have something in common
I intend to write a poem for ones like us (more like sons), titled "Fatherless sons"
urban pulsar
Dislike towards father, oh, I think we have something in common
We definitely have that in common
You think I stray a bit? Or that I should’ve added more details?
eager raptor
Beautiful, honest and relatable ❤️
vague forge
You think I stray a bit? Or that I should’ve added more details?
More clarity I think would be lovely. You do have a good crispy vocabulary, which I like for example ".... an esoteric tempest of hatred brews..." But do note that, when you ask for opinions, I give them as a reader or what I feel. This also means I can assume you care what the reader feels about your writing, so do see which points you think are right to follow.
weary rampart
It's like if AM from "I have no mouth and I must scream" got bored and tried to pretend to be a human writing poetry