deer poem

[rain elk]

Should I change the e line with the deer and make it less wordy/ spilt up the line?

[nocturne mauve]

Wonderful! @rain elk has just pregressed to level 2!

[true radish]

Nah i think it sets the tone nicely

[rain elk]

Also do I say in too much

[true radish]

Nah

It's twice and it doesn't choke the poem out

[quartz halo]

i think you could add a few more stanzas

but as it is it’s already quite impactful

[rain elk]

This is a alt version

Which version do y’all like better and thank u for da feedback

[true radish]

This one!

It feels more fleshed out

And gives space to that one "too long" verse

Which was fine at first but now it really helps the reader paint the picture

[quartz halo]

i feel you could add another stanza that seems entirely unrelated until further reading

itll go with the overall cryptic feeling i get from the poem

[rotund wedge]

*itll go with the

overall cryptic feeling

i get from the poem*

- hundan94

[rain elk]

Hmmmm if I added one should it go at the end like I have the kind of unrelated one at the beginning