soul-shaper

[gritty zodiac]

This is beautiful

[opaque birch]

this poem is really good! but I'd suggest trying to change some of "our souls" to just "souls" or maybe even to "minds". I get that trying to establish a nice, thematic pattern is important, but it's just a little repetitive, for my liking. another small thing - the phrase "paid the bill" is a bit odd to me, in this context. would you mind explaining it? I'm not saying it's wrong, just curious!
also, in the fragment of death's ride home and etching in stone - I feel like there's not enough connection between these two paragraphs. I'd change the "for us, two buses await" to "for when two busses open their doors for us" or something like this. you know, just to continue the pattern!
it's completely personal, but I'd change dark, dark to something like dark, gloomy fate, but like I said, it's fine as it is!
small thing, I think that it's better to change "with the love you've given" to "of the love you've given"

other than that's, it's a really nicely written poem, it has many amazing moments and I'm sure your teachers will be proud 🩷

[gritty zodiac]

beautiful poem

[lone geyser]

Wonderful! @gritty zodiac has just pregressed to level 3!

[runic minnow]

hello !! first off, thank you so much for your feedback !! i'll consider all of those :))
secondly, for the paid the bill part, it was supposed something like "jesus paid the bill of dying to save us from our sins" any ideas on what i can replace it with??

[oblique relic]

"Jezus paid with his demise, to salvage us from the wrath of our sins."

[shut shadow]

*"Jezus paid with his

demise, to salvage us from

the wrath of our sins."*

- kelvinvcmp