How do you like this poem? Any critiques, thoughts, suggestions?

[wooden tulip]

Feel free to critique ruthlessly, would love to hear all thoughts, and thank you for taking the time to read it

[rotund whale]

I truly am a sucker for simplicity in structure and diction. i personally love this, and my favourite part of all this is actually the title. there’s something so nuanced about it. i just would want this to be a little longer; what else about this pond peaks the interest of the observer, what makes looking at this pond in october different to looking at different ponds or the same pond in different months, u know?

[wooden tulip]

Yea, the title I felt torn about, I'm glad the simplicity of it came through. The poem itself I've debated on the length of, I was going for a modern haiku, hard descriptors and nouns without verbs, etc

The title I felt a bit torn with just because it does add a bit more of a specificity about the season, rather than the pond itself

Which I felt the month of october is right before more of the cool greyness of winter, it brings to mind some specific accompting scenery compared to a pond in spring, etc

One working title I liked a bit more was A Pond at Night, just doesn't work that well with the next line

[orchid vapor]

Wonderful! @wooden tulip has just pregressed to level 1!

[wooden tulip]

and I feel like if I say something like an october sky, it doesn't exemplify the darkness of the sky as much as night sky does, especially with the following comparison

[wooden tulip]

sorry for the text wall haha, but I would love to hear your thoughts!

[rotund whale]

understood understood

nah, i agree with u on the title and everything. i myself love incorporating months in my writing rather than mentioning season bcoz i feel it’s more layered than just telling the audience that it’s summer or autumn etc …not sure if that makes sense but yea.

[rotund whale]

i like the current title more bcoz it brings (to me at least) a great sense of intimacy, personal-ness?😂 coz i feel like anyone can relate to looking at a pond at night to a degree, quite general (which may be your goal?) but when i read „a pond in october“ it’s like „whoa, i wonder what meanings this person has attached to observing this body of water in this particular timeframe“ (going back to that nuanced idea)

[rotund whale]

true true.