#The Art of Divine Strength (my first poem)

138 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

dapper mist
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[Part 1]:

Though existence woven, behold the art of divine strength, a symphony of valorous hearts entwined in purpose profound. Each sinewy sinew, a thread of courage, a time shaped with resilience's grace, emboldened by the very essence of our souls, echoing with the tenor of unwavering resolve.

God baptized you in that fire, made you one of us, where fears are not shunned but beckoned forth, embraced with fervor as the crucible of transformation. It is here, within the forge of adversity, that mortal flesh and ethereal will conflate, forging a spirit ablaze with purpose, a beacon undimmed by shadows' dance.

In the coliseum of doubt, we face the nemesis, the Goliath of uncertainty, wielding the slingshot of audacity, the stone of conviction aimed at the heart of trepidation. We run into the battle. We run into the fire, our steps unerring, for in the cauldron of trials, we are forged not solely for victory but for the testimony of our mettle.

Towers of fear, once towering, now crumble as we ascend their heights, daring the plummet of doubt with wings spread wide, touching the horizons of our potential. The enemy is not just vanquished, but understood, its gnarled roots unearthed, for in comprehending the darkness, we better grasp the radiant sanctity of the light.

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[Part 2]:

Not the survival of the fittest, but the ascendancy of compassion's creed, where strong arms are not lifted to oppress but to uplift, where the aegis shelters not just the self, but the huddled masses yearning to breathe free. We stand as sentinels, wielding not only the sword of our prowess but the lantern of empathy, casting beams that obliterate shadows of despair.

How noble to stand not as solitary titans, but as a mosaic, where unity paints the triumph over discord, where the art of divine strength is etched in letters bold across the parchment of existence. Our purpose transcends the mere instinct for survival; it resounds as a melody harmonizing with the cosmos, a sonnet that resonates across time.

So, let the symphony of valorous hearts resound, for we are not mere mortals but conduits of resilience's grace. God baptized you in that fire, made you one of us, to stand as a testament to the art of divine strength, where battles are not just won, but souls are ignited, fears are tamed, and the world is kindled anew.

delicate apex
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Holy, thats beautiful. I wish, i could write like that.

dapper mist
delicate apex
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@dapper mist I have none. If i would nitpick, i would still have nothing.
Maybe a bit too long for my taste, but that is'nt a critic, just my preference. Keep going, you're doing great.

dapper mist
rough apex
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Your addition of mythos and religious tones amaze me. It is beautiful friend!

dapper mist
pearl storm
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are you accepting ciritque?

dapper mist
pearl storm
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Its a great poem, but i feel inclined since it reminds me of how i used to write

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Its beautiful, and i can see your mentality, but to me, the larger more complicated words just fir beuatys sake takes away from a message

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somtimes profoundness is found in the way it is written, not in the words we use

dapper mist
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I know what you're getting at though, and I agree to an extent. I'll try to make the diction a bit more legible.

pearl storm
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I see, i rememeber before in high school, i won a nation poerty contest in erber, but the language was so cringey because i used stuff like "abyss of insanity" uhg. You dont do this at all, but i see so much potential in the way you write, it would be a shame not to suggest it

rough apex
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I feel as though that straining becomes a maximalist style of poetry in itself

pearl storm
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it certainly can, if it avoided repitiion

pearl storm
rough apex
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Valid ((: though I’m not one to talk about odes or any fully written pieces such as this - it is well written that’s all I have to say

dapper mist
pearl storm
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well, can you explain what you were trying to say in your lines, and the disction be justified to the message?

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if style alone is what youre after then its very nice, i would still suggest reframing some diction

dapper mist
pearl storm
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i see that! and that was very well done! But for each line, was there purpose? I assume the repititons was for the archaic style which i appreciate

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like "parchment of our existance"
and then that relates to "harmonizing with cosmos"
and then to "times tapestry"
and then the last paragraph is very nice, but why is the world anew? and why is fear tamed if its not apart of "firey existence" and what is "admist the tapestry of existance woven"

dapper mist
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The purpose was, in essence, to progressively get more and more intense as the poem goes on.

pearl storm
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hard to beat that first line

dapper mist
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Lol

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True

pearl storm
dapper mist
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I found the line "God baptized you in that fire, made you one of us" one of the most intense lines

pearl storm
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also the talk of god would be more intense?

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yeah exactly

dapper mist
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I suppose it was to get progressively more intense, then slowly die off in resolution

pearl storm
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so, the message isnt nit picked on your part but otherwise a broad picture of humanity and a specific aspect that you think makes us humans in regards to our culturre, our willpower and our mythilogy?

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i get it thats cool

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you have alot of talent if its your first poem, id like to see what you can do with some flexibilty

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i only mention becuase im a judge for the poets and writers eugene paul nassar competition and i think you should enter

rough apex
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2000$ winnings!

pearl storm
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mhmm!

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I judged before for a different contest and i can offer some more tips

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i hate to sound nitpicky, but its important becuase sometimes it leads to real results

dapper mist
dapper mist
pearl storm
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im not the FINAL judge idk who that is

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it depends on the amount of applicants but its always a good learning experience

dapper mist
pearl storm
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you are most likley to win if u do a poem that rymes

dapper mist
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But I don't think I'm too shabby at them

pearl storm
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and somthing that is absolutley not coomon

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common "sorry for typos im tired

pearl storm
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too often are there writers good at one thing when it turns out its only that one thing abd its from cultural osmosis

dapper mist
pearl storm
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i can repeat the same poem to the beat of cold iron over and over, but its not very creative, right?

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imo, u can be a runner up if u really strip some diction

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bc ik for a FACT some judges ignore the poem completley if they see the word "symphony"

dapper mist
pearl storm
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which is unfair bc u have talent

dapper mist
pearl storm
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so for example you can say:
Such strong arm reached from heaven
To kill and wipe with lime
When my body's frail and dying
I will show you true strength through mine

pearl storm
dapper mist
pearl storm
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sometimes people write poem not even knowing what its about and sorta figure out the big picture

dapper mist
rough apex
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writing all of this down for future reference

pearl storm
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unfortunalty they perfer rymed :_:

rough apex
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You’ll make it work

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I believe I believe

pearl storm
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i think more is possible with your style, anything can be poetry

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but people really grasp at straws with ryhmes, but its sometimes easier to pick the message

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like instead of saying somthing more profound, like you wouldve, i suggested that god kills us with war and that real strength is patience and preserverience sorta kinda what you suggested in yours

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however the issue is that mine is reallly a grasp to associate "lime" with culture, while yours is easier to vibe with

dim blaze
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@dapper mist BLESS US WITH A BOOK LORD!

dapper mist
dapper mist
dapper mist
dim blaze
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EXCUSE ME WHAT THE ACTUAL FUC- THIS IS YOUR FIRST POEM?

dapper mist
dapper mist
zenith swallow
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Tho I agree with Spiral, the diction was maybe too well written, being a non English speaker it was tough to put it together, all I could take away was from part2

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Stanza two and three are really lovely in part2

dim blaze
zenith swallow
thorny tulipBOT
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*My first poem was

some bs about human

life decaying lol*

- mothwithoutlight
dim blaze
dim blaze
zenith swallow
dim blaze
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Sister

zenith swallow
dim blaze
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NAAAAAAAAAURRRRR

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Shut

zenith swallow
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🤐

dapper mist
dim blaze
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No no keep it up. It'll help people improve their vocab.

dapper mist
zenith swallow
dapper mist
zenith swallow
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Sinewy sinew unerring sanctity aegis parchment

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Lol

dim blaze
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Parchment? Isn't that some sort of paper lmao

zenith swallow
zenith swallow
dim blaze
zenith swallow
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Cuz I wrote ‘desi’

dim blaze
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FUC- pink Floyd fan?

zenith swallow
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Many Indians don’t speak Hindi.

zenith swallow
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Let’s not ruin this man’s poetry thread

dim blaze
# zenith swallow Duh

BRO IF YOU CUT MY VEINS OPEN AND TAKE A CUP OF MY BLOOD AND LISTEN TO IT, YOU'LL HEAR "the grass was greeneeerrrrr"

pearl storm
dim blaze
zenith swallow
pearl storm
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im glad your practice it, @thorny tulip ig you want u can send to me and ill tell you what i think, becuase if ou do, come juedgment time, ill gove u good reviews!

zenith swallow
pearl storm
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besides theres not alot of judges in the first place

dapper mist
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I'm making a poem about war right now

pearl storm
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nice, send it to me if ur done and want help

dapper mist
pearl storm
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bc if only 1 juge gets u giid reviews u get past the first and seccond trial!

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ok

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i have no access whoops

dapper mist
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Maybe I can get away with posting it in the normal one 🤫

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It might get taken down though

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It's kind of dark

zenith swallow
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So don’t

dapper mist
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Ok ok lol

zenith swallow
dapper mist
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Finished. In my opinion, I don't think it's as good