post closed by author

[halcyon raptor]

I really like the subtle change of pace in that last stanza and that lingering image of sobriety. I think you have a really strong opening line too which sandwiches this poem nicely. The only critique I have is the repetition of light in the last stanza (light/firelight) I think you could play with that line 'in my eyes only shadows and far off firelight' and come up with a different image that will be just as effective. This poem was v evocative, I enjoyed the read (:

[frail salmon]

Thank you for reading.

Yes, Good insight in regard to the redundant use of the word light.

[past lantern]

For poems on solitude and personal matters, I'd suggest freeing up your structure a bit. I, the reader, want to know how you REALLY think, and how you actually ponder in your solitude. Structure and rhyme are great, but I want to hear your voice, dawg

i say this with luh cuh

[frail salmon]

Your idea for a poem about a speaker's emotions to have more emphasis on an inner voice is an insight to consider for future writings.

Thank you for reading.

[past lantern]

Thanks bro, it’s only a suggestion, and if you combine voice AND structure in a seamless way, that’s even better than my initial comment

[frail salmon]

Thanks for reading, closing post.