a gift of goodbye

[onyx lance]

I think there's a lot of interesting wordplay and structuring-play in this, and I think it conveys emotion well, but some sections are a bit clunky imo

the isolated "beg for it" is my favorite line of the poem

[cyan jay]

*the isolated

"beg for it" is my favorite

line of the poem*

- .rocketdoge

[onyx lance]

the "and again" x2 is also neat

But I don't really understand the point of separating "I hope our goodbye" and "us never truly our last"

I can give smaller nitpicks and praises, but those are the ones that stood out to me

Overall though, a very solid poem

The thing I'd actually recommend is to experiment more with your style

Indents, punctuation, and enjambment in particular are lacking here

I think if you're going to go with the free verse style, go all the way!

That's my thoughts, at least

[past sable]

Thank you for your feedback! What parts would you consider clunky?

[onyx lance]

the two lines mentioned, and the middle part of the penultimate stanza (let x3)

I think I think it reads weird because of the "then" in front of the first let

but these are more minor nitpicks that I'd say are things that come out with a quick editing pass

I think the thematics and actual core of the poem are quite good

[past sable]

Very kind words - Thank you!! I'm very new at poetry so I'm hungry for feedback. I will definitely take your suggestions and play with style a bit more.

[onyx lance]

I thought I'd mention them because generally I don't have too much negative to say about the poem and I like to give actionable items in my feedback

[onyx lance]

feel free to ping me next time! I enjoyed this poem a lot

Though I might be a little time. scheduling is hard eeeeh

[past sable]

Thank you - I will definitely take you up on that!!