#Camping Trip

64 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

frozen ether
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my Valentine, dressed halfway to Hell.
once we’re in, I’ll remember your face
and I’ll be a shadow you’ve never met
salivating teeth, trusted eyes
soaring in like a wildfire.

we’ll drive out to where
bodies are marred and buried
as they kick up storms of grief.

where clouds and rivers bend
where clouds and rivers blend
and we’ll watch those waves
from high above them
with fingers entwined while
shimmering ropes explore our arms.

long, darkened masses with
legs like soft homes.
and shining light amongst our figures
and stars like supernovas crashing
across the water’s edge
where leaves are like angels
where leaves are so tangled.

and Valentine, dressed halfway to Hell
once you’re in, I’ll remember your face
and I’ll be a killer you’ve never met
sharpened teeth, drinker’s eyes
soaring in like a wildfire.

we’ll be kissing still
in your silenced grave.

let us stare at clouds
from high above me
and maybe they’ll finally
make you feel Free.

maybe they’ll finally
make me feel Free.

subtle meteor
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I like the irregular structuring here

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It has a super interesting flow

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I think my favorite stanza is the second one

frozen ether
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That’s the one I edited 😭

subtle meteor
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I liked the clown reference really

vast wraith
frozen ether
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yeah maybe I’ll write another poem abt cops being clowns

subtle meteor
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ooh and I see the shimmers reference now

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it's meant to represent shiny little fish?

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I'm imagining minnows

frozen ether
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I think it’s whatever the reader wants

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basically the poem is like

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A couple going out to the woods and dying without realizing it

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they’re buried under a lie

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lake*

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and I imagined the shimmers as some kind of maggots or millipedes or something

subtle meteor
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ah

frozen ether
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but I think it’s kind of

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hard to get that message

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idk

subtle meteor
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if that's what you're going for maybe "ropes"?

frozen ether
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I wrote this very fast 😭

subtle meteor
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also goes with the idea of drowning

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I imagine millipedes as long rope bugs

frozen ether
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I’m going to edit the poem for a bit maybe

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hang on

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Ok I changed a lot

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@subtle meteor I edited it a bit

subtle meteor
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maybe shimmering instead of shimmered?

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it just sounds weird there to me

frozen ether
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oh oops typo

subtle meteor
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ooh the second stanza is still my favorite after the edir

frozen ether
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isn’t it good

subtle meteor
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def improved

topaz maple
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It's very creative

frozen ether
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I think I got the narrative more clear

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as in I turned it into a murder poem

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❤️

subtle meteor
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it's super cool

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the setting and imagery is so vivid

frozen ether
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I really did it with this one

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this one’s a keeper

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wow I’ve been on a streak lately

topaz maple
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definitely

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or

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maybe you're just a good poet

frozen ether
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no

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I’m 14 and this is deep.

topaz maple
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I'm 14 and this deep.

frozen ether
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I’m 14 and this.

topaz maple
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I'm 14 and

frozen ether
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I’m 14.

topaz maple
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I'm

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I am.

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god.

subtle meteor
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m'I

frozen ether
subtle meteor
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m'I 41

frozen ether
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“The earth will stop spinning if I die”

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Ok

subtle meteor
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m'I 41 dna

frozen ether
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like get a grip

topaz maple
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M'lady, noooo