#Dandelion Dreams

16 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

spare dirge
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When I see dandelions sprout through the green
Amidst the rows of manicured lawns and shrubs,
I like to think some child's been blowing them.
But breezes don't disperse them far and wide
As children's breath does. You must have seen them
Dancing in the wind, a summer's day
After a rain. They drift upon the air
As laughter rises, and become a cloud
Of wishes whispered, falling from the sky.
Soon the sun's rays dry their fragile stems
And then they're gone, replaced by countless seeds,
Such dreams of youth to chase and hold so dear
You'd think the very essence of the heart took flight.
They scatter through the grass and find their home,
And they seem not to fade; though once they're blown
So far and wide, they never reunite:
You may find their children sprouting in the fields
Years afterward, holding their heads up high
Like little suns that warm the earth and sky.

But I was going to say when Time broke in
With all its cruel truths about the years,
I should prefer to have some child spread them
As they run through the fields and chase the light—
Some child too young to know the world's harsh ways,
Whose only care was what they found themselves,
Summer or winter, in the wild outdoors.
One by one they'd pluck their mother's blooms
And with a breath set free a thousand dreams,
Until not one remained, not one was left
For them to ponder. They'd learn all there was
To learn about the beauty of letting go
And so not keeping the world to themselves.
They'd always lift their eyes up to the sky,
Imagining the places they might go,
The dreams they'd chase, and even what they'd be.
Then they'd run forward, hearts alight, with hope,
Chasing their dreams down paths yet to be found.

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So was I once myself a dreamer of dreams.
And so I wish to be again someday.
It's when I'm weary of the world's concerns,
And life is too much like a well-worn path
Where your heart aches and longs for simpler times,
And memories are bittersweet and dear.
I'd like to walk again on childhood's road
And then return to it and start anew.
May no fate misinterpret my intent
And grant me only half of what I wish,
Not to return. Earth's the right place for dreams:
I don’t know where they're likely to thrive more.
I'd like to blow a dandelion once more,
And watch its seeds take flight upon the breeze,
Toward heaven, till they find their place to rest,
And bring to life the dreams that once were mine.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a dreamer of dreams.

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<@&1116088175618699345>

heady matrix
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Again strong writing. I felt you went too heavy into the idea of dreams and dreamers in the last stanza. I also think the poem worked best when it was sensory and perspective based, the flip to introspection felt tacked on and shallow. I think the line So was I once a dreamer of dreams does not add to the poem but breaks its immersion, I thing this idea can still work but it should be more show not tell. Something like instead of stating you were a dreamer of dreams open up with a glimpse of a memory of your childhood but make it vague so its open to interpretation. I think your poems tend to veer towards being very literal and that makes them hard to reread. I think you should work on adding more layers to your writing which will greatly improve their rereadability and their maintaining of interest even through the inital read. Currently I feel that when I read your writing I get the gist in the first stanza or two and after that it feels like rehashing which makes me lose interest. your word usage is great though and you have a nack for flow, atleast in your freeverse I cant comment on your work outside that. I'm sorry if that came across harsh I think you have a lot of potential.

spare dirge
heady matrix
spare dirge
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well the poem for me was just meant to be about someone who is old thinking back to their childhood, using dandelions as the symbolism

spare dirge
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I have a few poems I wrote in a style inspired by his

heady matrix
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Not too familiar with american poetry so nope never read his stuff I'll have a quick read of a few pieces by him

spare dirge
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#1134047687210172507 is one of them

heady matrix
spare dirge
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hm maybe bluebird

heady matrix