#Strangers And Subways

80 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

oblique shard
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In the steel hearts of subways, we are
molecules of breath, briefly brilliant,
colliding, our dampened voices
echoing off cold metal walls,
a cacophony of whispers, murmurs,
and the clatter of shoes on tiles.

We are strangers, standing shoulder
to shoulder, our gazes averted, our bodies
pressed together in the crush of
rush hour, the slick of sweat and
unspoken desires.

In the subway, we are briefly human,
a fleeting congregation of unbidden thoughts,
our hearts hidden behind backpacks
and newspapers,
and the rustle of the train on the tracks,
a lullaby of lost connections.

I peer into the lives of others,
the secrets hidden in the folds of coats,
the stories woven into the fabric of
worn-out jeans, the dreams pressed
between pages of yellowing paperbacks,
and wonder if they feel the same ache:
the longing for connection, to be more than
the sum of our parts, the spaces between
the atoms that make us up.

Strangers, pressed against glass,
the damp heat of breath condensing
on the window, as we trace
our fingers through the fog of our existence,
writing in the language of the forgotten,
a calligraphy of chance encounters.

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And your gaze, a slow-motion collision
with mine, as we both reach for the pole,
our hands grazing, electric,
a spark of intimacy in the cold metal,
and I wonder: who are you?
Who are we, when we share the same air,
the same heartbeat of the subway car,
but remain nameless, faceless,
the secrets of our lives buried
within the tunnels of our minds?

I see the crumpled newspaper in the hands
of the man next to me, ink-stained fingers
tracing the lines of a world far away,
and wonder at the events that led him
to this moment, this train car, this seat
beside me, and if he knows that he
is the center of my universe, if only
for the span of a heartbeat.

I watch the woman across the aisle,
her eyes vacant, a thousand-yard stare
that tells of a life lived in shadows,
the weight of her past resting heavy
on her shoulders, and I long to reach out,
to share her burden, to show her
that she is not alone, that we are all
strangers in the dark, searching for
the light of connection, the spark
of understanding that illuminates
the caverns of our souls.

I imagine your life, your loves,
the nights you cried, the days
you laughed, the stories that shaped
the arch of your brow, the curve
of your smile, the rhythm of your breath.
And I wish I could know you,
even for a heartbeat,
in this unending journey
through the labyrinth of humanity.

But we are fleeting, ephemeral,
a momentary constellation of lives
aligned by the whims of fate,
and as the train slows, its brakes
screaming in protest, I know that
we will soon scatter, our paths
diverging like the lines on a map,
each of us returning to our own
solitary orbit.

And so, in the steel hearts of subways,
we are strangers, our lives entwined
for the briefest of moments,
a fleeting dance of atoms in the dark,
a whispered prayer that lingers
long after we are gone.

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But the doors open, and the light pours in,
a cascade of farewells, and we are cast
adrift, like leaves on the wind,
our paths diverging, like shadows
fading in the twilight of the day,
our connection severed by the closing doors,
our silent symphony silenced.

In the subway, we are briefly human,
our lives unfolding in the space between
stations, the moments where we brush
against each other's existence,
and for an instant, we are not strangers,
but echoes of one another,
the unspoken words, the untold stories,
the missed connections that remind us
that we are, after all, human,
and in this vast, uncharted universe,
we are, for a moment,
briefly, beautifully,
together.

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@oblique shard should have let me finish posting it!!
But yes I have, I'm okay haha.

<@&1116088175618699345>

lean raptor
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omfg i love this

oblique shard
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It's okay haha

oblique shard
raw palm
oblique shard
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ty

lean raptor
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my discord audio doesnt work for some reason but im sure its lovely

oblique shard
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it's okay haha

raw palm
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There’s a lot to unwarp in this poem.

oblique shard
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But ye this poem is just about

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Someone evaluating strangers on the subway

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And wondering about their lives

oblique shard
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But I liked all the stanzas so I was like damn well I have to include it all

mystic umbra
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You make long poems aaa

raw palm
oblique shard
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I post on a poetry app so

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These are all previous poems

oblique shard
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Haha it's free verse

raw palm
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I know.

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That’s why it’s hard to read.

oblique shard
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I never had anyone complain about it being hard to read

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sure!

mystic umbra
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I liked the first two stabzas

raw palm
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I can help you with more feedback for the construction itself if you want, since I recall you telling me that you are relatively new to this domain of writing.

mystic umbra
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I'll try read the rest later

oblique shard
raw palm
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Oh no don’t worry. That’s alright!

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Bro.

oblique shard
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Im sure I can do better now but some people on the app said I'm really good for the amount of time I've been writing so some people don't assume that but he

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Ye

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It's easier to read on the app to be honest

mystic umbra
oblique shard
raw palm
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Are you going to give this man an actual feedback or? 😒 Don’t spam the chat.

oblique shard
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😂😂 it's okay

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I'm gonna go jump rope

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will see you guys later!

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New season of baki I have to watch as well

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Haha for sure

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Baki is a fighting anime

night briar
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this is good for an early piece, It is overly long sometimes less is more. when poems are longer you want the idea to expand currently it sort of rehashes its central idea over and over again. each stanza is pretty strong stand alone though. you could alos tag work like this freeverse in the future as thats the catagory its firmly placed in.

oblique shard
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This poem is actually two poems

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And I liked them both

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So I sort of merged the stanzas

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And made it fit

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Well I don't remember but this poem is two poems merged into one, I wrote them about the same thing

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I usually write two and post whichever I like more

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I mean like, stanza 1 could be the first poem, stanza 2 and 3 could be the second poem

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They're all 1 poem now

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haha

night briar
oblique shard
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Yeah I should have done that

oblique shard
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Like part 2 yk

night briar
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keep it up

oblique shard
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Thanks! I will!

night briar
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why are you not doing this in off topic?

mystic umbra
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Whay

night briar
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Okay you are annoying Im blocking you

mystic umbra
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What

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Ur ruining this guys poetry thread

night briar
mystic umbra
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@oblique shard when you are awake please just review this

oblique shard
mystic umbra
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The arguement

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It's clear he is just a troll

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Especially with the fact they just joined today and already causing this stuff

oblique shard
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I think he's just an oddball haha

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ok you might be a troll haha

verbal flint
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Really long poem, but its very beautiful