#whispers of unspoken love

39 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

still kestrel
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In the realm of our childhood, we innocently roamed,
Unaware of love's language, yet laughter we owned.
Behind him, I found amusement, a small giggle's delight,
A world of crushes and affection, yet concealed from my sight.

As time carried us apart, to separate domains we grew,
But love's connection endured, stronger and true.
In the corridors, his presence brought forth a smile,
Though I doubted my worth, my heart held him awhile.

Efforts and gestures, small treasures in time,
A love unspoken, a tale of a love so prime.
Yet cowardice held me, my courage kept at bay,
Never daring to confess, to unveil love's display.

Schoolmates and friends, our bond seemingly intact,
But this year, I sought a lasting, cherished act.
A photo, a moment frozen in time's embrace,
To forever hold the memory of my seven-year chase.

Though unspoken, this love etched deep within my core,
A secret I carried, yearning for something more.
That photo shall remain, a symbol of what could have been,
A love unrequited, a silent devotion unseen.

final otter
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Akin to Taylor Swift Timeless

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Nice poem, but doesn’t really innovate with any new ideas or metaphors

tranquil basin
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Not a fan of Taylor Swift. Love the poem.

still kestrel
mellow runeBOT
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*ok actually

I am new to this writing

stuff and still learning*

- sanvi0383
still kestrel
final otter
final otter
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You can develop your metaphors and ideas over time

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Your writing is very enjoyable, just lacks depth

tranquil basin
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@Ean Not disputing anything. Classical music fan. Could you give any examples of new ideas or metaphor s?

still kestrel
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yes

final otter
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Which is natural for a new author

still kestrel
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I think

final otter
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I’d argue that a photograph is a relatively cliche symbol though

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And the metaphors derived from it are frequently repetitive

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In this case, @still kestrel could reference a specific or unique experience they had in school

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Like perhaps finger football

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Something to personalize the poem

tranquil basin
final otter
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You are being defensive for someone else

tranquil basin
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Genuine curiosity.

still kestrel
final otter
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I can’t attest to this poem, I don’t have their experience

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I think it has profound potential

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This is my personal opinion on poetry. I dislike broadly applicable poetry lol

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My advice might not be appropriate for everyone, and it can be rejected if desired

tranquil basin
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Right.

still kestrel
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exactly

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but your advice was usefull

final otter
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Like I said, you wrote a nice poem. 🙂

still kestrel
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no it really was

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and thank you so much

final otter
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Timeless (Taylor’s Version)
/
Lyrics
Down the block, there's an antique shop
And something in my head said, "Stop, " so I walked in
On the counter was a cardboard box
And the sign said, "Photos: twenty-five cents each"
Black and white, saw a '30s bride
And school lovers laughin' on the porch of their first house
The kinda love that you only find once in a lifetime
The kind you don't put down
And that's when I called you and it's so hard to explain
But in those photos, I saw us instead
And, somehow, I know that you and I would've found each other
In another life, you still would've turned my head even if we'd met
On a crowded street in 1944
And you were headed off to fight in the war
You still would've been mine
We would have been timeless
I would've read your love letters every single night
And prayed to God you'd be comin' home all right
And you would've been fine
We would have been timeless
'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this
So, even in a different life, you still would've been mine
We would've been timeless
I had to smile when it caught my eye
There was one of a teenage couple in the driveway
Holdin' hands on the way to a dance
And the date on the back said 1958
Which brought me back to the first time I saw you
Time stood still like somethin' in this old shop
I thought about it as I started lookin' 'round
At these precious things that time forgot
That's when I came upon a book covered in cobwebs
Story of a romance torn apart by fate
Hundreds of years ago, they fell in love, like we did
And I'd die for you in the same way if I first saw your face
In the 1500s off in a foreign land
And I was forced to marry another man
You still would've been mine
We would have been timeless
I would've read your love letters every single night
And run away and left it all behind
You still would've been mine
We would've been timeless
'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this
So, even in a different life, you still would've been mine
We would've been timeless
Time breaks down your mind and body
Don't you let it touch your soul
It was like an age-old classic
The first time that you saw me
The story started when you said, "Hello"
In a crowded room a few short years ago
And sometimes there's no proof, you just know
You're always gonna be mine
We're gonna be
I'm gonna love you when our hair is turnin' gray
We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made
And you'll say, "Oh my, we really were timeless"
We're gonna be timeless, timeless
You still would've been mine
We would've been
Even if we'd met on a crowded street in 1944
You still would've been mine
We would've been
Down the block, there's an antique shop
And somethin' in my head said, "Stop, " so I walked in