#Lament

29 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

light sail
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Lament

I like to go to lounges, just to sit alone on the roof, so I can listen to the sound of people.

I like to go to libraries and sit close to couples to see what it would be like to be whole again.

I like to go to cemeteries and sit criss cross on graves. For just as the buried are, I am also dead.

But in the end the lounge closes, the couples leave and the dead stay buried.

Sometimes I sit alone and wonder.

Is being forgettable worse or better than being invisible?

How is it that I still feel alone when surrounded by people.

I like to lament

~TH

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I am an amateur but I love to express my feels in this sort of format. They won't all be good, hell they all might be bad but I think it's good to expose my feels and work

slim girder
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I think there’s some beautiful imagery here in this style of writing. There’s something universally relevant about really personal experiences and feelings. Thank you for sharing!

light sail
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Tysm

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Any notes?

rancid sigil
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This poem has so much potential

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I would like to stay by saying that the imagery in these lines were the best way to start the poem off:

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I like to go to lounges, just to sit alone on the roof, so I can listen to the sound of people.

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I personally find the poem to have such great moments

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But the dull moments take away from how great this poem can truly be

floral currentBOT
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*But the full moments

take away from how great this

poem can truly be*

- forgottensoldiers
rancid sigil
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Omg not me accidentally making a haiku

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But the dull moments take away from how great this poem can truly be

floral currentBOT
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*But the dull moments

take away from how great this

poem can truly be*

- forgottensoldiers
rancid sigil
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Anyways, here are my notes:

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Lament

I like to go to lounges, just to sit alone on the roof, so I can listen to the sound of people. (Love this)

I like to go to libraries and sit close to couples to see what it would be like to be whole again. (I feel like the image is great but the piece about being whole again can be rephrased)

I like to go to cemeteries and sit criss cross on graves. For just as the buried are, I am also dead. (This is great)

I like sad music because it makes me feel. (I feel like this is kind of out of no where? This is kind of unnecessary)

But in the end the lounge closes, the couples leave and the dead stay buried. (Love the reflection)

Sometimes I sit alone and wonder. (Good)

Is being forgettable worse or better than being invisible? (Good)

Is gray better than black? (Feels a bit cliché and basic. I feel like you could remove or replace this)

How is it that I still feel alone when surrounded by people. (Great ending, could be rephrased but 100 percent can stay this way)

I like to lament (Love this final snippet)

~TH

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@light sail Great job overall with this poem!

light sail
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tysm ❤️ 😁

rancid sigil
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Ofc!

rancid sigil
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The main things were the sad music and the grey and black lines

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Those are what I like to call thorns

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You have this beautiful and incredible poem

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Like a rose

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But there are these little distractions that take away from its beauty

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Because they don’t connect to it fully

vernal galleon
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This is a wonderful poem. Im not quite used to writing or reading in this type of format but seeing you use it so well, i can truly see how it's great. The whole idea/ theme of this poem is so perfectly matched with the words- still giving a sense of comfort and I dont know how you do it but its incredible.

light sail
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I try to evoke melancholy feelings. Both positive and negative

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Almost nostalgic