Reasons

[twilit knot]

<@&968253730841567284> <@&1116088175618699345>

[fallen bobcat]

I think “tick tock, tick tock, time passed and passes, message and message that we send each other, being there for each other, respecting our boundaries, i hope you know just how much you matter.” Is a bit unnecessary and a bit ranting bc the rest perfectly explains how much the person matters to u and the part that says spreading butter kinda doesn’t make sense bc u could go back to what you said in the beginning “spread and spread as easy as a wildfire” and it goes perfectly with the rest of the poem. Also, the part that says “take a look back, at the long road you trodded, as if you are a horse etc” can you clarify what do u mean in this part?

[twilit knot]

The horse part is kind of an inside joke. But yh i can see how that paragraph may be ranting a bit, would it be better to like replace the phrases or just downright remove it

I meant like spreading butter though because how easy it spreads and how its you doing it to urself though

[fallen bobcat]

I’d say remove it bc like i said before the rest tells u just how much they mean to u yk? But that’s just my opinion lol if u want to leave it as is u may

[twilit knot]

Mmm alr other than that paragraph though is there anything else in there that could use work

Cos like i said i aint rlly too used to writing poems, i only wrote like 4-5 so..

[fallen bobcat]

It’s pretty good tbh i like it

[twilit knot]

Alright, thanks for the advice though 👌

[fallen bobcat]

Yea ofc atm tryna fix the ending a bit

The ending your sorta going for like even through darkest times they didn’t give up and that’s why their special to u?

[twilit knot]

Theyre special to me, yh but not cos of that (though id be lying if that wasnt a small part of the reason)

I mean yeah its a part of the reason though, but i meant that the fact that theyre not giving up is part of their personality

[fallen bobcat]

Alr I’ll see wha i can do lol

[twilit knot]

Alr alr, it might help w some ideas on what i could add or change

Just @ tho cos like i dont get notifs from normal msgs tho lol

[fallen bobcat]

Ok

[fallen bobcat]

Courageously marching through the daunting path,
Where no light reached.
You didn’t swim to shore even when
Ravenous oceans pounced.
Even with brittle arms,
You found me and nestled me.
As the moon, you sent stars
To lighten my darkest nights.
There, you placed an unwavering
Place in my heart.

Alright so this is just giving ideas

Ig kinda get a feel of it what u like and don’t and go from there to fix ur ending bc its good but i just wanted to go a bit more in depth ig

[twilit knot]

Damn ngl love the darkest night part and unwavering place in my heart

And no dw i alr know using ur one aint a good idea lmao, gotta be genuine

[fallen bobcat]

Yea u can use parts of it if u want

[twilit knot]

Yeah i dont think the ocean would fit tho

But where no light reached, the ocean is dark like below the surface so i get why

[fallen bobcat]

True i was going to put a burning house and “u rescued me etc”

[twilit knot]

Ah

[fallen bobcat]

But anyways its just a rough draft ig spice it up make the ending ur own lol

[twilit knot]

Yeah i will work on it w diff words and stuff, but i do love the idea, ty.

[fallen bobcat]

Ofc np