kind hinge
A rusted shovel sifts through your eyes,
There is your soul and your brain and the prize.
It waves back and forth like an oceans scene,
Glimmers of hope they sprout out between.
Buried are treasures you wallow below,
I want to find it, to learn and to know.
What secrets you hide beneath that gleam,
I’ll shadow them from the worst to be seen.
My love, I grasp at whatever I see,
and pray I can find it wherever I be;
just don’t lose me in the dead man’s sea.
spare talon
Oooooh, I love that last line!
This is a nice one, and really good if you consider the time frame it was written in!
I'd like to hear your own views on this poem! Explain it to me!
kind hinge
Bare with me a moment haha, I have a bit to say!
spare talon
No worries!
misty quest
I get the image of attempting to know and care about an unbalanced individual
humble harbor
nice rhymes
spare talon
I get the image of attempting to know and care about an unbalanced individual
Ooooh, interesting! I get something similar, but instead of "unbalanced", I get "mysterious"!
So help me god robyn if "dead man's sea" is a metaphor for the friend zone I will lose my ||sh*t|| XD
frank cave
the comparison of an unpredictable person to the sea is so great- calm at times and at others wrathful beyond belief
misty quest
the comparison of an unpredictable person to the sea is so great- calm at times ...
My thoughts exactly
frank cave
Also the idea of riding a ship shows the effort you need to put into relationships like these to make them work at all
kind hinge
Thank you! I kinda jumped back and forth between a few ideas I had. But I ended up sticking on the idea on an almost romantic poem. I love the idea of ‘the eyes being the window to the soul’ and really wanted to expand on that!
It’s the idea that someone you love may hide things from you, but whatever it is, if it’s a true love, you should be able to love that side of them too.
The speaker is wanting to protect the lover from anything that they may want to hide away or bottle up like ‘buried treasure’. The lover is almost unbalanced, sometimes ‘sprouting with hope’ and other times trying to hide.
The speaker wants them to be safe, and let them express these feelings, whilst also not crossing a line.
I really wanted to incorporate the idea of the speaker getting ‘lost in the secrets’ or ‘the lover feeling too overwhelmed’, hence the last line. The speaker wants to stay connected to them, find out whatever they’re hiding, whilst still having a mutual love for one another..
If that at all makes sense 😭
frank cave
My thoughts exactly
we fell into the sea I think
kind hinge
Thank you! I kinda jumped back and forth between a few ideas I had. But I ended ...
Relationships can be hard at times, sometimes they can end badly (like in the dead man’s sea) and the speaker is almost desperately trying to stay away from it
spare talon
Good poem!
kind hinge
It's so much deeper than my poem XD
Paha, my mind just often spirals out
And thank you!
frank cave
love that idea of using the ocean's darkness as the depths of the soul
spare talon
Alrighty, shall we move onto my poem while the others also give their critiques?
humble harbor
sure
kind hinge
I’m good with that!
kind hinge
love that idea of using the ocean's darkness as the depths of the soul
Thank you!
valid mango
I interpret this as a lover trying to grasp at anything that's left of a relationship to not lose their distant or secretive partner, "I grasp at a whatever I see, and pray I can find it wherever I be". The dead man's sea is a great metaphor for the end of a relationship, the emoty6dark sea where the ended relationship would lay.
spare talon
kind hinge
Amazing! I’ll have a read!
kind hinge
I interpret this as a lover trying to grasp at anything that's left of a relatio...
I love that! I love that you’re able to get a really similar idea for what I was going for!