#Just looking for criticism on poem I wrote
7 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)
*Hi! just looking for
critiques on this (be harsh if
you want lol).*
- heylo2982
<@&1116088175618699345>
Lovely idea, I would suggest to have it more rhythmic.
Rhyming is prolly my weak point lol, it just doesnt feel right when i force myself to rhyme it so I just usually 'go with the flow'
i agree
Rhyming isn't the only way to make a poem more sonorous. You can do it by repeating a particular sound, like
"The tulips are too excitable, it is winter here.
Look how white everything is, how quiet, how snowed-in.
I am learning peacefulness, lying by myself quietly
As the light lies on these white walls, this bed, these hands."
Notice how sound of I repeats here, "excitable ", "white", "quite ".....
#!_ the rhythm here, ah.