<@&968253730841567284> <@&1116088175618699345>. advice appreciated as to the poems flow as well as its general narrative, especially looking for help pertaining to structure.
#Walking Inn (constructive critique appreciated)
plain star
patent ravine
<@&968253730841567284> <@&1116088175618699345>. advice appreciated as to the poe...
I think the flow of this is very beautiful for this
The different pieces fit together so beautifully
And go so well with the usage of words,(particularly in the fiirst and third parts)
But i think theres something you should try...
i think you should give each part a name
i makes it easier to know what your going into
kind of like a very very very short description of the singular piece by itself
plain star
i think you should give each part a name
like a subtitle for each stanza?
patent ravine
like a subtitle for each stanza?
yeah
vast juniperBOT
patent solar
The imagery conveys a strong sense of familiarity with the place
The vocabulary is also very strong and diverse
It works well as it is, but the strong vocabulary and unique nouns like "Whirinaki" and "Waitawheta" make me think of the kind of great rhyme schemes you could make
plain star
It works well as it is, but the strong vocabulary and unique nouns like "Whirina...
they are Maori place names, I see what you mean though, I would like to play with that at some point