#help me improve this

16 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

young ibex
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sometimes back I wrote a poem on imaginary friend but it had la t of things that needed to be changed so I made some changes can any one tell anything else that can be done in it

Many times, I find myself alone,
Even in the midst of crowded spaces known,
And tears escape, yearning for a presence,
Then a beloved friend appears, my solace and essence.

From childhood, he has been by my side,
His laughter, the most beautiful, cannot hide,
Whenever tears stream down my face,
He lingers behind, offering solace and grace.

We used to spend countless hours together,
But as time passed, attention seemed to wither,
With work and life's demands taking their toll,
Still, we shared precious moments that made me whole.

Yet, he was never real, a figment of my mind,
An imaginary friend, a companion I designed,
When loneliness prevailed, and friendship seemed scarce,
I created him to remind myself, "You have a friend who cares."

He still visits, though things have changed,
The dynamics altered, the connection rearranged,
He used to wear a black shirt, so striking and bold,
And his infectious laughter would declare me a fool, I'm told.

His games were unique, his thoughts profound,
Now, he's gone, leaving memories to be found,

cedar dagger
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I think the idea of this poem is really strong, but would benefit from showing more action. Instead of telling us things have changed between the narrator and the imaginary friend, show the reader that one of them has become more distant. One thing I'm curious about is who pulled away first, the narrator or the friend. Is it because the narrator found more people and he's lamenting over his inability to spend more time with his imaginary friend? Or is the imaginary friend pulling himself away purposefully so that the narrator can make real friends? Also, in the beginning of the poem you noted that the imaginary friend appears and disappears, I'm curious as to what that means for the type of relationship they have.

young ibex
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okay

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I would surely add more details to it

pliant crest
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@young ibexBut I still cherish the moments we had,
The laughter, the adventures, the good and the bad,
In my heart, he remains, a cherished part,
An imaginary friend who touched my soul and left a mark.

As I revisit this poem, I notice a few areas where further changes or additions could enhance the overall narrative and emotional impact. Here are some suggestions:

Elaborate on the feelings of loneliness and the need for a companion in the opening lines. This will help set the tone and establish a stronger emotional connection with the reader.

Explore the characteristics and unique qualities of the imaginary friend in more detail. This could include describing their appearance, personality traits, or even their imaginary world. Adding specific anecdotes or memories that showcase their bond and the impact they had on the narrator's life will make the friend more vivid and relatable.

Reflect on how the friendship evolved over time. Describe the challenges and changes that occurred as the narrator grew older. Did the friend become less prominent in their life? How did the dynamic shift? This will add depth and nuance to the narrative.

Consider including a stanza or two about the lessons or wisdom the imaginary friend imparted to the narrator. This could be a reflection on the imaginary friend's unique perspective, their ability to offer comfort or guidance during difficult times, or the valuable insights they shared

Conclude the poem with a sense of closure or reflection. How does the narrator feel now that the imaginary friend is gone? Are they grateful for the memories or still yearning for their presence? This final stanza can provide a sense of resolution and leave the reader with a lasting impression.

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Also sorry the spelling if i made any

young ibex
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no you didn't

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made any changes

pliant crest
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whats that mean?

young ibex
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sorry

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typo errors

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you did thr best work

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the

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thank you so much

pliant crest