#Hand't'hold; of brittle bone he made you be

14 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

keen lake
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Hand't'hold; of brittle bone he made you be.

I mold my face as though it were dry clay,
For tears that stream along my face leave paths
Like mudded moisture left fro' grounded day.
That beating heat upon the clearing bath

So silent is this garden's air, that as
Water flows, the birdies' laughter is blank.
Perhaps I need a hand. So God flawless,
All-knowing, he forsaw; what I did lack.

And so, pulling hand did taketh away.
The lordship spoke: "Oh ye rib - turned to life..."
And that hand materialised, as we lay.
With brittle bone he made you. No more strife

Between with him. For now, I peer the world;
With a hand't'hold. Thy life a gift't dear hold.

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<@&1116088175618699345> ,
@marsh light I've finished it!
Though I'm not fully sure if the iambic pentameter is fully constant throughout the sonnet.

grim jacinth
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ah i love the symbolism in this. very very cool

keen lake
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Yes very cool

uneven estuary
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The language in this is so great, the word choice is very affective with furthering the theme. The rhyme scheme is also amazing, I’m always so impressed when people are able to make rhyming poems flow this well!

nimble vine
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It seems to be in iambic pentameter, so you are good there

keen lake
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The title itself follows iambic pentameter (no real reason why but I thought it helped to solidify the fact iambic pentameter is being used throughout the poem)

The poem itself is in traditional sonnet form (so it follows a set ABAB CDCD EFEF GG rhyme scheme, in the 3x quatrain and 1x couplet form. It is also about bonds, relationship and love. It also has a volta on line 9 - with lines 8 and below leading to it)

-> The story itself is about God, Adam and Eve.
To alert the reader of this in the first stanza, I create a strong lexical field to give vivid imagery of "clay". Clay is what I believe God used to create Adam. There is also a clear imagery of water, "tears that stream...leave paths + "clearing bath". This establishes a sense of serenity and calm. There is also a strong imagery of the Sun, "dry" + "grounded day" + "beating heat". This creates a tone of perfection in my opinion but also a tone of attack, as though the sun is attacking him.

The second stanza transitions to focus more upon the garden (of eden). It talks about how even though it is perfect, with peaceful sounds like "water flow"ing, birds laughing - it is all blank.
It then becomes more suggestive, "perhaps I need a hand". This foreshadows to the leading volta, but also alludes to eve's creation.
God is called flawless and all-knowing. He foresaw what adam lacked (in his perspective in the poem). This shows Adam regarded God as knowledgeable, but also creates god to be a nurturing figure that wants to help him.

In the 3rd stanza, the volta occurs on line 9. Where something is taken from adam, which is later known to be his rib "turned to life". He still regards god highly, calling him lordship.
"That hand" refers to Eve being the hand adam needs, and how she was created. "Materialised" also adds onto this theme of creation, as though god created her immediately.

"No more strife

Between with him"
This suggests there was a form of distance between God and adam before eve's conception.

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I see this as Adam not being complete without eve, and so his relationship with god is not complete without her.

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The enjambement carrying on to the next stanza helps solidify this almost before and after effect.

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And then adam calls eve his hand't'hold and calls her a gift to hold dear

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So it establishes the importance of romantic relationships, and also how eve completed adam. How adam is grateful to god for creating eve as a hand (to hold) for him.

uneven estuary
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The fact you thought of all of these factors and incorporated them all, along with the theme of the poem itself is quite genius

keen lake
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Ty