I'll try

[stiff vale]

It's beautiful message wise

But it could really use some work in constructive writing.

A poem is meant to be verbalized out loud so rhymes and meter would be appreciated.

Try to add rhymes every here and then too. You can always ping me for help/feedback

[left garden]

Hmm. This poem feels like word vomit, unless this was the goal, I'd go back and flesh it out? (hope this wasn't rude)

If your goal is free-verse, it's gotta have more personality within your writing style

[sweet heath]

Thank u guys for the advice i'll try to make a better version out of it

[stiff vale]

2 important reminders

1. Don't be afraid to remove everything you made to make it better, even if whole stanzas. Experiment with it.

2. Listen to your own creativity.
   Advice is good and all, but a poem stems from the creative self, listen to advices but trust your own vision.

[sweet heath]

thank you that's really helpful :)