I like it a lot, and it doesn't necessarily need changing, but here are my personal thoughts: (have a wall of text lol)
It seems in the first two lines that you're using iambs, which has a nice flow to it, but you lose that later on. I'm generally very strict about rhythm which isn't required of course but I think it's nice to have a clear rhythmic goal. The problem for me in this case is that you seem to want to use iambs but you don't stick to them, leaving you in a sort of limbo.
A specific example:
I'm not a big fan of the rhythm of the "how much I wanted to be like you" lines, although in sentiment I like them a lot. You might consider, "how much I wished to be like you" instead, since it gives it a more longing and bitter tone (imo) to fit better with the piece as a whole and the "wished" is one strong syllable instead of the strong-weak of the "wanted" which throws me off balance.
To be clear, there's no reason that you shouldn't use something other than plain iambs or just abandon rhythm altogether in general, but giving us some rhythm and pattern and then taking it away makes me, at least, feel a little uncomfortable.
I didn't notice the count of the syllables getting in the way of anything, btw, and, of course, if what you're going for is a sort of stressed/uncomfortable tone, using a slightly erratic rhythm might not hurt at all.
Although the general meaning is always clear, and the specific meaning usually clear, there are some lines that just don't mean anything to me. Obviously, that could just be a fault in my understanding, and another person might find them easy to understand.
a. A chokehold under your forever demise.
I get all the rest in this stanza without difficulty, but this line I have no idea. It has the sound of potentially having been chosen simply because it rhymes.
b. My growing despise pushing us askew
Somehow this one doesn't seem right to me, although I think I see what you're getting at. (continued)
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