new to poetry

[wise folio]

“cursed with a heart too big
but a mind too small,
my heart cannot fit
should it not belong?

i feel like two people split
held together so strong.

my mind cannot trust
for it always omits

but with a heart so persistent
i live the life of a hypocrite”

i need help on making this more clear and more uhh… rhymey?? im new to poems so sorry if its a little off track

new to poetry

[fierce sparrow]

I absolutely love first two stanzas !!
But I think there is too much room to interpret in the third stanza, bc I did get confused for a minute there, so I feel like it needs to more clear there, bc as a writer you want to give the room to the readers to imagine and come up with our own interpretations, but also you need guide the them closer towards what you actually meant.

[dark dawn]

I would rate your poem 9 out of 10. Your poem skillfully explores the conflict between the heart and mind and the tension between emotions and logic. The juxtaposition of a heart that is too big and a mind that is too small creates an intriguing contrast, and the imagery of being "cursed" with these opposing traits adds depth to the poem. The use of enjambment, where lines are split and continued onto the next line, creates a sense of disjointedness that mirrors the internal struggle of feeling like two people held together. The repetition of "my heart cannot fit/should it not belong?" adds emphasis to the speaker's sense of unease and uncertainty about where they belong. The contrast between the heart's persistence and the mind's lack of trust is thought-provoking, and the use of "hypocrite" in the closing line adds an interesting layer of self-awareness to the poem. The language used is simple yet powerful, and the poem conveys a sense of emotional complexity and inner turmoil. Overall, your poem effectively captures the conflict between the heart and mind, and the struggle of navigating conflicting emotions and thoughts. The imagery, enjambment, and use of repetition contribute to the overall impact of the poem, making it a compelling and introspective piece of writing.

sorry for the long response

however if you would like some suggestions then just @ me

[wise folio]

thats so nice of u! thank u for the in depth comment
i rlly appreciate it :)