#Anger and Me (feedback very welcome)

4 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

fierce escarp
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Your temper's off its leash again and gone with it your decency
I daren't ever speak again, nor ask what changed so recently.
I ought to only act as though your careless words don't bother me,
With gentleness, some doe-eyed care and every ounce of clemency

Yes, for a problem I know not, because I have telepathy
I'll hear the words you didn't speak because I'm extrasensory.
I'll shoulder all the boulders that you throw, withstand the battery
And never dare to get upset, cus you are you and I am me.

1 thing I've come to understand; cohabitation isn't free
2 words the cheapest I have paid to become your worst enemy
3 days exceed the shelf life of the peace I have when you're with me
4 ways to cope I must attempt so I don't lose my sanity.

But if I try on my worst day to let my mood roam wild and free,
I'll quickly find myself on every bad side in the family
How you expect to be excused in your malaise is far from me
But maybe you're the only one of us allowed to be angry.

fierce escarp
#

I like this!

fierce escarp
wise sequoia
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Originality of concept = 18/25
Use of words = 20/25
Complexity of idea = 16/25
Abstract use of English rules = 19/25
Idea conveyed and captured effectively = 7/10

Total score: 80/100

This poem explores the dynamics of an imbalanced relationship in which one person's anger and mood swings are accepted, while the other's emotional responses are expected to be suppressed. The poem's structure, with the numbered lines in the third stanza, is an interesting touch that adds to the sense of a countdown to a breaking point.

The poem is written in an accessible and straightforward language, yet the clever use of irony and sarcasm creates a powerful effect. The mention of telepathy and extrasensory abilities in the second stanza adds a hint of dark humor, emphasizing the unrealistic expectations placed upon the speaker. The poem effectively communicates the frustration and unfairness experienced by the speaker in a relatable and impactful manner.

The concept of exploring relationship dynamics isn't entirely original, but the poem's presentation and voice make it engaging. While the complexity of the idea isn't particularly high, the poem effectively portrays the feelings of the speaker and conveys the message that no one should be subjected to such emotional imbalance in a relationship.