#How is this Poem? I'm looking for any Flaws...

8 messages Β· Page 1 of 1 (latest)

turbid epoch
#

I wrote this Poem a few months ago, I found no One who could critique it for me.
But I need Criticism in order to Improve my writing.
So here is that Poem-

If the world is full of lovers
and it not includes you and me,
would you hold my hand? Will you
Watch the moon with me?
And Yes I'll be sworn upon it
that I'm in love with Moon, But
when I look at you I grasp, your beauty's
more than the Moon.
The moon's Silver light does
lit up your Eyes,
am slowly drowning in which
I deep down.
And then, when My heart says,
β€œThe moon is beautiful, isn't it?”
Yes, for sure it is.
But you are more than it.
Won't wanna be your lover, for there
will be a many for thee,
But would you hold my hand? Willl you
watch the moon with me?
-π’πšπ‘π’π₯ 𝐌𝐚π₯𝐒

turbid epoch
#

How is this Poem? I'm looking for any Flaws...

dapper bison
#

i think that it is a bit difficult to understand. the capitalisation doesn't always make sense and there are some weird formulations here and there. is english your first language?

turbid epoch
dapper bison
#

my recommendation for future improvement is that you read english books that'll help a lot

turbid epoch
#

Thanks for your Recommendation<3

dapper bison
#

i'll get to help you with the poem but it might take some time

turbid epoch
#

Yes please, i would be grateful πŸ₯Ή