Sunrise’s Journal

[eager bronze]

Upupup take meds and face the shame to get it over with

[eager bronze]

Meds taken, I haven’t quite forgiven myself but it’s time to go face my parents cuz food is almost done

-# something went wrong downstairs and idk what but I heard my mom yell “oh my god” then later a little quieter “well…” and now I’ve lost all motivation to go down

[eager bronze]

No one’s mad at me except myself, and I feel better about it after telling my parents what happened and having them just laugh about it

Thanksgiving dinner itself was meh, didn’t like the way some of the stuff turned out this year but my favorite sides were still amazing, and my parents sent me some money to get through the next couple weeks until I’m getting paid again

Also got my parents to fake order some stuff from my jobs menu so I could practice writing orders

[eager bronze]

I’ve played game for a couple hours, but now I dont want to stop🥲

[eager bronze]

-# I am still awake

[eager bronze]

I couldn’t fall asleep for so long, I tried to sleep while listening to a movie like I did yesterday and I just ended up rewatching the end of it😅 so I put on a childhood favorite I knew better and put my phone upside down and I remember getting almost half an hour into it before I stopped registering it. I’m tired but I have to drive back and work and actually serve a table today

11/28 goals

• shower
• meds (late enough that they’ll stick through work)
• pack
• leave before 12:30ish so I can stop for gas
• get to work and actually survive serving 1 table (it’s gonna be fine it’s just talking to people which you’ve done at other jobs it’s not as scary and different as it feels) it is as scary and different as it feels
• go to bed early for opening shift tomorrow
  -# the sequel visual novel I love got a demo update today but I have to wait until tomorrow after work to play

[eager bronze]

Showered and packed

[eager bronze]

I am so tired and feel so gross

Left in a reasonable amount of time tho, got gas, and made it to work. And took meds

[eager bronze]

Today is also Not Good™️

I’m not even on the floor and I’ve already cried but I have to take a table

-# also the person doing book work with me left but I’m done with all the solo stuff

-# I need an adult

[tranquil scarab]

you got this! be yourself and breathe. tell them it’s your first time and they’ll be much nicer i promise. just repeat their order back, confirm and check on them often, and you got this!!!!

you’re gonna do great they’ll adore you!!!

take your time and try not to rush through things, you know your stuff!

[eager bronze]

-# so I’m not gonna be a server anymore

I’m trying so hard not to think so I dont cry but it’s not working

They’re gonna switch me somewhere else and I want to go try it but my body just won’t stop crying

[eager bronze]

I didn’t survive serving 1 table, because I didn’t even make it to bookwork before I started crying again, so now I’m no longer training to be a server and the change has me even more confused and overwhelmed. I feel like I’m not supposed to be there. To go is easier for me but I’m still just as lost and out of place because it still feels like no one’s explained what’s going on to me. And I’m upset with myself for being unable to go through with the server thing because I was ready for it, I wanted to learn and figure it out and eventually do it well, I was looking forward to it, planning to continue with it after I move, but instead, everything this week just said no you dont get to be happy or feel safe or confident. You only get anxiety and confusion and a sense that you dont belong no matter where you go

And it feels like every person in that building knows I’ve now cried 2 shifts in a row, and it’s so horrible to be trying to move past it and yet another manager/trainer asks me what happened Wednesday and I just fall apart again because they cut the one string holding me together. I already look younger than I am, I hate when people only see this overwhelmed crying side of me because that’s not how I want to approach problems or things that overwhelm me. I don’t want to be known as the person who cries and shuts down when they get overwhelmed and needs to be handled carefully and cant do a bunch of tasks. If I have to be crying, I’d rather be known for being the person who’s clearly overwhelmed and crying but is doing the thing through it anyway
-# I have a story about where that came from that I’m gonna share to make myself feel better about my existence
That’s not really possible as a server though. My “training” is helping actual people get actual meals, that’s not real training that’s just throwing me into the job with no practice
I want to figure out how to be a server, and I think I could if I had enough time and space to actually learn and practice, but I only get 4-5 days to get to a point where I can run 2-3 tables alone, and there’s no calm learning environment or even a back room to escape to, it’s just chaos everywhere, people everywhere, nonstop things happening, and idk if I can do it. Idk if I can even do the to go thing I was put on today. There’s so much happening in the kitchen, it’s nonstop stimulation, and it just tears at my resolve the entire time I’m there, breaks me down until I feel like I’m gonna cry just from standing there with people moving around me. Server was almost better in that regard because it’s a pretty even split between the kitchen chaos and getting to be out in the dining areas where it’s calmer on the surface at least

This entire experience has been awful so far, but I dont feel like I have a choice. I finally got a job and I need the money, I’m not sure I’ll even be able to get enough to move next summer. If I cant do this, that closes off so many options for me and I dont think I’d be able to find another job. I have to do this job even though I feel like I couldn’t be worse for the position
Everything feels bad, I’m disappointed in myself and overwhelmed with the situation and anxious about money and my back hurts which scares me because if my back thing flares up again i won’t be able to move and I just cant see anything working anymore, I cant see myself not feeling awkward and out of place and outcast. It’s only been 3 days of this and I’m so tired

I’m really tired but I said I’d share the story so:
i was attempting a simple toss with a colorguard flag and I kept getting scared of the giant spinning metal pole and jumping away from it, and I had started crying cuz I was frustrated and probably overwhelmed, and the instructor came over and asked if I was ok, said I could go take a break if I needed, and through tears I said something like “I’m ok I want to figure this out” and after the practice they made a comment about it to the group like “[last name] was crying over it and kept spinning anyway” in a way that made me feel so strong for once. And that’s what I want to be. I want to be whatever version of me they saw, jumping away from the scary spinning pole, crying the entire time, not in a “I’m being forced to do this and dont want to” way, but in a “my body is trying to constrain me, but I won’t let it” way. I want people to look at me and rather than seeing someone crying and needing to be comforted or pulled from the thing or slowed down, I want them to see power and determination despite whatever’s going through my head

I want more opportunities to be crying and overwhelmed on the outside while inside I refuse to stop moving and it shows

More often than not though I just get shutdown overwhelmed

-# of I could rant forever but I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open and keep spelling things wrong so it’s bedtime

[eager bronze]

I feel so awful today my back hurts so bad but idk if I’m allowed to call out after everything, and idk how to call out

[eager bronze]

11/29 goal

• survive

I need to leave in half an hour and I’m still in bed

Idk if I can move

But idk how to call out and idk how it would look on me if I did

[eager bronze]

I consumed advil and showed up 10 minutes late to work, and weirdly had a pretty decent day. I think I like the station I was moved to and I like the person I was shadowing today

[eager bronze]

11/30 goals

• wash work clothes
• shower
• little shopping
• ~~bed at a reasonable time even tho I woke up late cuz I have to be awake so early tomorrow ~~
  -# it’s too late for me to take meds with how early I’ll have to take them tomorrow

I forgot I actually technically cleaned my shoes because there were puddles in the driveway and I rubbed the bottoms of my shoes there until it looked clean

-# I need to unpin that day of goals now since I finished it but we lost the permissions to do that at some point

[eager bronze]

Did the shower thing

[eager bronze]

Upup put in laundry then go get the shopping things and pizza

[eager bronze]

Work stuff in, it’s a very small load cuz I was lazy and didn’t want to do a bunch of stuff😅 just enough to make the wash effective

[eager bronze]

Little shopping done

[eager bronze]

Forgot about clothes but they’re in the dryer now so they’ll be ready for me when I have to wake up in less than 7 hrs

I get ready for bed now and turn off lights and hope my body allows me to sleep for more than 4 hrs

-# they really told me 10am was the earliest then I switched to another area and now it’s 9am all week

Upupup need get ready to bed

Upup

[eager bronze]

Ok in bed, not as really as I wanted but normally in still playing a game rn so

[eager bronze]

-# my alarm didn’t go off with sound I’m glad I happened to wake up but I’m tired

-# me and my 15.5 hrs of sleep debt are doing great

[eager bronze]

-# ugh tired and I just heard my roommate get up so now I have half an hour to fight for bathroom space before I have to leave

12/1 goals:

-# happy start of the holiday season

• meds
• survive work
• get the things I couldn’t while out yesterday
• take out little tree and find somewhere to put it the cat won’t try to chew on it

-# up up need to get ready unfortunately

[eager bronze]

Guess who didn’t write down what they needed from the store

I know there was more than one thing but one thing is all I have down

Took meds earlier tho (no memory of when but I know I did it) and survived work

[eager bronze]

Got the one thing I know I needed and a couple other things I kinda needed, if I missed something I guess I go back later

[eager bronze]

I remember what it was

[eager bronze]

Blueeeeee

-# hapi

[eager bronze]

12/2 goals

• move car off road
• meds
• get parking permit

It’s not November anymore so I guess I can say I didn’t do nearly as much writing as I wanted to, but at least I got a couple days in. I haven’t been able to get myself on a writing schedule since the first year I started working on this story and I really want to do that. I want to write daily but I think my brain sees it as just another chore and resists doing it because it’s not one I have to do. I dont want to see writing as a chore. I want to enjoy it because there’s no point if I dont enjoy what I’m writing

[eager bronze]

Green green green green

I am lettuce now

[eager bronze]

Permit got

[eager bronze]

When the mental things clash and one person is having an awful time with the way things are currently organized and the other person will fall apart if they’re organized the way the first person needs

-# I feel bad I wish I could say “yeah go for it” but I know my brain will scream and cry and lose it if stuff gets properly organized after getting used to this specific chaos. If it suddenly goes alphabetical I know I’m not gonna be able to use the channel anymore but the other person is having a horrible time with the organized chaos I need

[eager bronze]

Nitro gone🥲

I got like 4 hrs of sleep, I think today might be a good day to stop for breakfast and a drink

12/3 goals

• shower
• meds
• get out of house around 7 to go clean and collect car
• emotional support drink
• work
• buy the things online
• restart finance tracker (log weekly)

Up up

Buy food and drink only if up and shower

[eager bronze]

Showered. Not getting out around 7 but if I’m fast I should still have time before my car needs to be gone

[eager bronze]

Took meds and got the car out only 5 minutes after I was supposed to. But now I’ve been made aware of a mouse in my car and I’m terrified

And I have proof of it not just anxiety, there’s shredded paper and I just found mouse poop. And the paper has been here for a few days

[eager bronze]

Drink acquired

Work is…not open yet even tho the manager should’ve been here 7 minutes ago?

[eager bronze]

I’ll finish all the goal thinfs later I’m epping early

[eager bronze]

-# I don’t like my brain

-# I dont want to feel most of the things I do. Those thoughts dont seem not bother anyone else

[jaunty cedar]

Made me think of this

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GaLV82vOSsQ&list=RDGaLV82vOSsQ&start_radio=1&pp=ygUPYmVhdXRpZnVsIGJyYWluoAcB

[eager bronze]

12/4 goals

• meds
• wash work clothes and dry before 8:30
• pick up food and drink (emotional support stuff after last night)
• work
• find a live mouse trap somewhere
• set up mouse trap in car
• previous goals:
  • online things

[eager bronze]

-# tomorrow goals so I dont forget: oil change and rotation, maybe something else I’m currently forgetting

[eager bronze]

Did all the prep for work stuff and ended up late. Need to make sure I’m on time or early next week, I’ve been late almost every day

[eager bronze]

Survived work (got really busy at my station as soon as we opened so I was alone in the back putting together 3-4 orders at a time and I definitely wasn’t qualified for that but I did it) and got and set a live mouse trap (put some crumbs and a wrapper from my breakfast in there since they seemed interested in the one I left in the car. Hopefully it catches something)

It’s a pretty nice mouse trap, reusable, doesn’t need to be reset after catching something, and seems pretty secure. And large enough to catch multiple at a time

12/5 goals

• meds
• check mouse trap
• make some amount of progress on cleaning room. No specifics, just do what feels right as long as it’s a step toward not living in the middle of a trash dump
• check how many times I can transfer money out of my new work acct, and transfer if it’s a reasonable amount
• finance update in personal channel
• previous goals:
  • finance tracker

-# my shoes and coat are still in the car cuz I forgot them last night and I dont wanna risk running into the mouse so…they’re forfeit for now

[eager bronze]

i wish i had a camera to leave in the car and catch the mouse in action

[eager bronze]

Bought the things I need finally

[eager bronze]

That’s from this one

I want to wait to get the oil change until I’ve caught a mouse. Idk if there’s more than 1 but I dont want to take my car in knowing theres a mouse somewhere. I’d rather be able to say I removed a mouse and if they find more say I didn’t know

So hopefully this mouse isnt skittish and goes into the trap tonight because I’m so late on the oil change

[eager bronze]

I have monies
-# insert bongo pebble I cant use rn

[eager bronze]

Maybe I eep for a little longer tho, I got jumpscared by the alarm I forgot I had set

Nevermind not tired enough to sleep anymore

[eager bronze]

Meds were taken

I realized I also have to disinfect my car because mouse poop

[eager bronze]

Well I cant find any info on transfers between accounts outside of this company so I guess I’ll find out through experience

[eager bronze]

Update sent

[eager bronze]

Restarted finance tracker which is good cuz I had to transfer more of my paycheck to cover all the things. It’s gonna be rough for the next couple weeks but hopefully I can talk to the gm and get more hours after next week so I’m actually making enough to survive (because I cant live on 18 hrs a week)

Time to go face the mouse trap😭

[eager bronze]

No mouse

So no oil change today

If there’s nothing tomorrow I’ll try to bait the trap with something more desirable

-# I have so many messages in this

[eager bronze]

12/6 goals

• meds
• check mouse trap
• laundry
• shower
• get cookie
• previous goals:
  • dishes
  • tree

-# was hoping roommates would be out today but I can hear them

[eager bronze]

Roommates are out today actually, at least for now

[eager bronze]

Meds taken, trap checked, no mouse

I’ve got towels in the wash so I can shower, I think I’ll start dishes while I wait

Not enough dishes to make myself food so…

[eager bronze]

Got like half the dishes done, I’m gonna leave my roommates half but I will do all the silverware (otherwise we will continue to have no silverware cuz my roommate has a tendency to do all the dishes except silverware) I’m just taking a break first. Play a little bit of game then finish my part of dishes while waiting for towels and bath mats to dry. Should’ve grabbed my tree while I was in the basement too but…oh well

[eager bronze]

I preordered cookie, I hope they dont run out🙃

[eager bronze]

-# roommates are home now

-# I don’t want to do things now

I was just about to go finish washing stuff

Now I’m not even sure I’ll be able to shower

Towels are still wet, cant finish washing things because there’s ✨roommates✨ in front of the sink, cant eat food for the same reason…so…

I forgot to grab my tree again

Ig I’ll go find it

[eager bronze]

-# I did not get up to find it

[eager bronze]

Tree

-# I stole the bathroom just in time

[eager bronze]

Showered

I’m gonna count dishes as done cuz I did a lot and I dont wanna feel like I failed if I dont get to the silverware

Look it only said some of the dishes anyway

I’m doing so good today considering I got out of bed at like 2pm

Only have 1 load of clothes then blankets for laundry, gotta put one of those in cuz I left the wash empty while I showered

[eager bronze]

Cookie

-# it’s not as good as I remember

-# but it’s a cookie

[eager bronze]

We’re gonna call laundry done cuz the only think left is blankets and I dont wanna at 1am. Issue for later

Also gonna delete the trash one cuz there’s a really good chance my roommates to that tomorrow before I get up

It would just be a goal I cant complete and that’s sad

[eager bronze]

12/7 goals

• meds
• check mouse trap
• change kitchen trash
• ~~new healthcare ~~
• previous goals:
  • progress on clean room

[eager bronze]

meds taken

-# not complaining about them having flavor but it’s still really weird

[eager bronze]

Kitchen trash readded and crossed off cuz I did it. Roommates are working on other things so I’m running around doing a couple chores (and making myself food)

[eager bronze]

I picked up the trash in my desk and floor. I want to do more but I’m gonna count it for now

[eager bronze]

trap checked, no mouse

Tomorrow I think I’ll move it to the floor of the passenger side and put some leftover pb in it. Should disinfect my passenger seat too, there’s mouse poop all over it

[eager bronze]

12/8 goals:

• meds
• check trap
• find something to spray on passenger seat to deal with mouse poop
• work
• progress on clean room
• do the last bit of my dishes

[eager bronze]

I played game for a while. Time to up

Meds taken

Tomorrow I think I need to set aside time to finish my friends present and prepare to ship it

[eager bronze]

Roommate cleaned the silverware this morning so I dont have to do that

[eager bronze]

Also dont have to change the trash for the same reason

It’s been too many days since my last shift and now I dont wanna go to work even for 3 hrs

[eager bronze]

Trap checked. No mouse

[eager bronze]

Worked. Got money. I’m officially live as of today so I got tips

[eager bronze]

I dont think I’m gonna do any more tasks today I’m tired

I have tomorrow off so I’ll try to do most of the things then

[eager bronze]

12/9 goals

• meds
• check trap
• finish friends present

[eager bronze]

-# I wonder if I can get in the top 5 in seasonal activity points before the rollover

[eager bronze]

Meds taken. I kept forgetting

I have no motivation today, I cant even find something I want to eat

[eager bronze]

-# just found out that the dice advent calendar I have isnt random dice and I’m upset about it because now it isnt a surprise

[eager bronze]

Trap checked. No mouse. I’m wondering if they left

[eager bronze]

12/10 goals

• meds
• shower
• write note for gm for xmas time off
• work
• previous goals:
  • healthcare

[eager bronze]

I hate being an adult living in the us

Someone explain to me why my estimate for how much I’ll make next year means I’m gonna have to pay full price for healthcare when this month I’m not even sure I’ll get enough to get groceries after setting aside enough for rent

Also someone tell me why I have to include something as unreliable as tips in my income

I’ve gotten tips exactly one time I dont have much to go off of to make an estimate

I’m gonna cry

This is why I didn’t want to do this

Oh look my breakdown made me reach the activity threshold how nice

The feelings and things I’ve said about this entire situation are not loftia appropriate, but let’s just say I’m very mad and very confused and very overwhelmed and crying a bit, but I did technically do half of the healthcare thing and I dont think there’s anything else I’m allowed to do rn so

[eager bronze]

So this is done for now

[eager bronze]

-# I lowered my estimate to the lowest I think I could make, about the same as last years estimate, and I still dont qualify

[eager bronze]

Meds taken

[eager bronze]

-# I hate today

-# I want to stay home and cry

I wrote a note for the gm. Idk if he’s gonna be there but if he is I’ll hand it to him

-# self esteem has sunk to basically nothing now, I’ll just be grateful if nothing makes me cry at work

[eager bronze]

Showered

[eager bronze]

Worked

[eager bronze]

12/11 goals:

-# now that’s its 5pm and I’m still in bed

• check mouse trap
• play game

[eager bronze]

Idk how I’m still tired after sleeping all day

I didn’t even do anything at work yesterday I just stood up front and occasionally walked outside with orders

Upup so I can eat and play game

[eager bronze]

-# I dont want to count 12/11 as complete, I didn’t do anything except sit in bed and play my game. Didn’t even step outside to check the mouse trap

[astral quartz]

-# oh okie dokies, lmk if there are days you would rather not be counted!

[eager bronze]

-# I love having breakdowns at work on a regular basis

-# I got pulled off the drawers early when I was supposed to close because I didn’t know how and the high schooler who was supposed to leave before me got upset over it and it overwhelmed and upset me and now I’m nonfunctional and won’t be productive if I stay

[eager bronze]

12/13 goals:

• meds
• laundry (specifically work stuff including apron but dont forget to empty pockets)
• figure out insurance with dad
• previous goals:
  • dishes

[eager bronze]

Dishes done

Also did insurance stuff with dad and my work stuff is in the dryer

-# and finished watching hazbin hotel s2

-# I have mixed feelings

I removed the Amphibia fic from my goals cuz it being on there isnt inspiring me to finish it

And it’s been over 2 months

[eager bronze]

Will I ever get this birthday present turned xmas present done?

[eager bronze]

12/14:

-# now that I’m no longer working today due to weather

• meds
• shower
• shopping
• make the song ranking video for fun?

[eager bronze]

I spent my entire afternoon doing the song ranking but it was fun

[eager bronze]

Wait my streak

I lost my streak

I had to be at work early so I didn’t do goals and I haven’t been talking much recently so rip my 2 month streak

[eager bronze]

Oh I did shopping today

[restive grotto]

-# I lost it too Don't worry, we will get it back hopefully <3

[eager bronze]

I guess I’m returning to add a goal today

12/19 goal:

• call company for my work card and figure out why my account is locked and how to fix it
• look into switching to direct deposit

[eager bronze]

Yeahhhh that call isnt happening

I’ll try to look at direct deposit later tho

[eager bronze]

These are now tomorrow (today but not at 1am) goals

12/20 goal

• gift shopping

-# today would’ve been a great day to clean my car if I wasn’t at work and it wasn’t raining

-# was so warm

[eager bronze]

Nvm ig

[eager bronze]

Ok we do the things today, I’m skipping movie night for it so we’re making it happen

12/21 goals:

• shower
• check target again for conditioner (I’m sick of being itchy)
• previous goals:
  • some amount of clean room
  • some amount of put clothes away

• play hundred line?
  -# not an official goal

Oh and ig wash towels too but they’re already in the wash
-# I would’ve showered when I woke up if I had clean towels

[eager bronze]

So…the store I was gonna go to closes sooner than I thought and by the time I get there assuming I leave right now they’d be closing in 10 minutes or less

I can go look for the other stuff tho

…well…one of the other things, I just realized one of the other stores is closed on sundays

CEO of unprepared

Wondering if it’s worth it to go out tbh, I could just go shopping after work tomorrow

[eager bronze]

Cleaned my room a bit more, trash and dishes and started to sort through my junk shelf (rather than a jump drawer it’s just an entire shelf)

Did actually do movie night since I wasn’t busy, very interesting movie

Now I’m kinda tired tho but I should put some clothes away

[eager bronze]

Finally put about half of my laundry away while listening to a session for the other dnd party from one of my groups

[eager bronze]

12/22 goals

• feed boys
• work
• Take out trash
• wash work clothes
• previous goals:
  • gift shopping
  • conditioner

[eager bronze]

One of the boys hasn’t been eating much and his brother likes to eat from every available bowl in the house before finishing his own food (and then going to finish the ones that aren’t his) so I cant leave the food out or else one cat will eat 2 cats worth of food but I’m running late😭

[eager bronze]

Work was shorter than I expected

Made good tips for being open for 2.5 hrs before I was cut and having 3 other people splitting tips with me tho

[eager bronze]

I check for conditioner. I swear they restocked the shampoo but still no conditioner i guess I’m just gonna use the one that makes me itchy again tomorrow and order online when I get back after holidays

[eager bronze]

And I did gift shopping. Spent more than I should’ve but it’ll be ok, I’m just glad I could get a few people gifts this year

Local game shops are so nice

[eager bronze]

I switched to direct deposit

Hopefully that will take affect for fridays paycheck, I got rid of the work account on there so it has nowhere else to go

[eager bronze]

I think I’m gonna wash my work stuff tomorrow morning since I have to wake up to feed the cats anyway, I can throw stuff in after while I do other stuff. I dont have a lot of energy rn especially for mentally difficult tasks

-# I should also do dishes but the reason I dont wanna do that is because I somehow got a cut on my finder during work and I dont want to replace the bandaid again today

Many tasks for tomorrow

[eager bronze]

12/23 goals

-# happy Christmas Eve eve as one of my favorite youtubers would say

• feed boys
• wash work stuff and anything else I want to take (from yesterday)
• disinfect and clean car (from 12/8)
• dishes (from yesterday)
• call work card company and sort out acct lock (from 12/19)
• switch out trash bag (from yesterday)
• litterboxes

6 hrs till I leave for work, 5-6 tasks I need to/should do before then

Boys fed (kinda)

[eager bronze]

Stuff in wash

[eager bronze]

I called the work bank, I feel so bad because I have such a hard time understanding people with accents over the phone and he was also talking fast so my brain only registered half of what he said as English

But hopefully I’ll be able to fix this issue and get my money

[eager bronze]

I believe I’ve got it fixed. Hopefully I’ll have my money by the end of the week or the start of next

[eager bronze]

This done

Once the people upstairs leave the driveway I’ll go clean my car

[eager bronze]

Work clothes are in the dryer and honestly might be done by now. Not that I need them today, I was called to take the day off since it’s gonna snow. Happy and sad. I need the money but it’s gonna be boring if it’s not busy and I didn’t really wanna work this night shift

[eager bronze]

Also took out the trash

[eager bronze]

And I cleaned and disinfected my car to the best of my ability (meaning I used Clorox wipes in the seats because it’s the only disinfectant we have, and isopropyl alcohol and hot water carried from the kitchen for the mats on the floor)
I dont feel like it’s clean but I have to choose to believe it’s good enough otherwise I’m gonna convince myself I’ll get a disease from a mouse despite the fact that I’ve already driven the car with the mouse poop in it for multiple weeks now and if I was gonna get a disease it would be from that, not the fact that I “didn’t clean up good enough”

-# covid made me overly aware of germs and stuff but in an unrealistic way. Sometimes I just have to convince myself that whatever I did made it clean and everything’s fine now

[eager bronze]

Remaining goals collected to be able to process easier:

• clean room
• shower
• pack
• put away clothes

[eager bronze]

I can do that today

Once the cat allows me to get up

[eager bronze]

I cannot finish that today

I can do the ones I need to do, like dishes, litterboxes, and prepping packing, I might shower tomorrow morning (early), and the others aren’t happening

[eager bronze]

Actually I’m gonna pack after work, I need to wake up in 6 hrs and I actually want to sleep

And I’m still finishing dishes

[eager bronze]

Dishes and litterboxes done

Tomorrow we shower, feed boys, clean snow off car, work, pack, then do drive

[eager bronze]

12/24 goals🎄

• feed boys
• shower
• work
• pack
• make sure house is presentable for pet sitter
• big drive (please leave before 6)
• make key lime pie
• wrap presents

[eager bronze]

Showered. I’m a little behind, hopefully it doesn’t take too long to clean the car

[eager bronze]

Work done, they sent me home early cuz it wasn’t as crazy as they thought

So plenty of time to pack and drive

[eager bronze]

-# I forgot to check off feed boys earlier but they did get fed

I’m glad I have this extra time to pack and get ready because I don’t have the energy to be fast😅

[eager bronze]

-# I napped. Unintentionally

-# now I’m even more tired

[eager bronze]

Lots of things happened. I finished packing (reluctantly), put away dishes and washed the cat food plates for the pet sitter, did drive, and made a pie

Just need to go hope my parents left out the gift wrap so I can do something about their presents

[eager bronze]

I did in fact wrap presents last night, I was just so tired I forgot to check it off. My parents really liked what I got them

[eager bronze]

12/27 goals

• pack
• shower
• pay rent
• ~~drive back ~~
• more hundred line

[eager bronze]

didnt have time to update anything, but I did all the things except rent which I’ll do rn. Too tired to change bedsheets tho, and theres a clingy cat curled into my side anyway

Ok rent paid now

[eager bronze]

Ig that’s it for my 2025 goals. I’ll start them back up for 2026. I’d like to be more on top of cleaning stuff like laundry and keeping my room livable

And keeping my car clean and trash-less

[eager bronze]

Wait why is my green bulb gone but it looks like everyone else’s of other colors are still there

🥬

1/1 goals

• shower
• update apartment sheet
• wash blankets
• clean room a bit more
• previous goals:
  • change bedsheets

[restive grotto]

-# Happy new year Sunrise! I hope you had a good day. A lot of luck for this year

[eager bronze]

Soooo I had a lazy day in bed and cant do shopping now but I’m working on the other tasks

I already showered and changed my bedsheets (finally)

Tasks updated a bit to be achievable

[eager bronze]

About to go switch my blankets to the dryer, I get one blanket to sleep with tonight

[eager bronze]

1/3 goals:

• go look for the thing I want at the store in the other town
• wash clothes
• deposit tips to savings acct before 1
• schedule oil change

Yesterday I did shopping and worked a bit on finishing friends present but I couldn’t stay focused on it

[eager bronze]

Nevermind I deposited money but then everything went wrong and now it’ll be a miracle if anything else gets done today

Oil change for sure isnt happening

Wash clothes kinda has to happen because I need clean work shirts for tomorrow morning but rn I just want to curl up in bed and pretend I’m not human

Change of plans I scheduled an oil change at the normal place (even though I know they’re gonna be like “you know you can do this with no appointment right next door” again and I’m gonna have to explain again why I didn’t do that) so I’m counting that as a task done

Maybe I’ll find the energy to go back out later