Idk

[vague bobcat]

I was trying to not make one of these but here we aee
TW:s.h/sexual topics/suicide

I just feel hollow rn, I just don't wanna live anymore. Like they expect so so so much from me and when I don't get as good as they wanted it's all my fault and I become the reason their life is a living hell and the reason they wanna kill themselves

Everytime I'm just slightly improving they have to ruin it by saying things like go kys and I wish you were never born and if you kys I wouldn't care I'd help you to do so

And I try so hard to ignore them and not cut myself, I just wanna be normal for once, be loved, be treated as a person

I js wanna end it all but I also don't want to end it all bc of some ppl

I feel like everything has just lost its meaning to me

Everyday, every hour, every minute, and every second I feel like absolute shit

And I hate when someone asks me if I'm okay and I say yea even tho I'm not I hate it so much bc what if they call me attention seeking

Everyday I feel like shit I don't wanna do this anymore istg I don't want to live anymore

I had a whole plan for it

I had notes ready

[summer abyss]

hi

[vague bobcat]

Hi

[summer abyss]

can i help you with smthing?

[vague bobcat]

Idk anymore ive tried everything but nthn has helped

[summer abyss]

I was in your skin

I also wanted/want to ||suicide|| and I know how it feels

[vague bobcat]

Yea

[summer abyss]

Look, I do somethings to keep me up in life

[vague bobcat]

Like what

[summer abyss]

1º. There is always people that is living worst than you and want also to ||suicide|| but they dont, allways remember that so you dont give up and the second

is that I remember like Im in a film, did you watch the Truman Show?

[vague bobcat]

Yea

That used to be my fav show

[summer abyss]

well imagine all the people at the cinema shouting do it! for example you dont want to study: Get up to study! ok?

[summer abyss]

I really like it

@vague bobcat btw how old are you?

[vague bobcat]

The last thing I need rn is to study

[summer abyss]

it was just an example

[vague bobcat]

I'm under 16 why?

[vague bobcat]

Yea ik ik dw

[summer abyss]

Look! You have a LOT of life!

[vague bobcat]

But I don't want to live, not this life

[summer abyss]

Do you have any hobbies?

[vague bobcat]

I used to have some but now I don't anymore

I just lost interest in them ig

[summer abyss]

Do you like technoology?

Sports?

A thing that helped me a lot is talking to someone that you know

[vague bobcat]

Yea I like both

[summer abyss]

You shoud try coding

Or go to like football or alethism

[vague bobcat]

But who and how do I tt them, like I wanna talk to someone I js don't know how to start the conversation

[vague bobcat]

I used to code

[vague bobcat]

I used to do both but I just lost interest in them

[summer abyss]

Look at mine

[vague bobcat]

So like do I js tell them hi and start venting to them

Like

Idk

[summer abyss]

My girlfriend lefted me and this is what I texted her. Try to sayto your best friend. Hey, look I have something serius in my mind right now. I need to talk...

[vague bobcat]

Yea I mean I'll try

[summer abyss]

Btw... what lenguaje? I have curiosity

[vague bobcat]

Wdym

Like what language?

[summer abyss]

yea sorry, im spanish i dont speak english very well

[vague bobcat]

It's ok

[summer abyss]

thx 😄

[vague bobcat]

I used to code in English but it was only for a short time

[vague bobcat]

Yw

[summer abyss]

but like html?

[vague bobcat]

Yup

[summer abyss]

thats good! you shoud try to go another time to a hobby

[vague bobcat]

Idk maybe but I don't have time to do so bc im studying a lot

[summer abyss]

Same but remember something, right now for you it is better to do a little bit of your hobbies

[vague bobcat]

Maybe

[summer abyss]

ok

[vague bobcat]

I might be going in a small hiatus

I don't think I'm gonna tell anyone bc its long

[vague bobcat]

I feel like I'm just there

Like I'm a statue

Like if I'll be there or not nothing will change

If I dissapear nothing will happen

[vague bobcat]

Okay ahem gulp

I hope no one I know sees this BUT

This break might be a quit and I might not be back

And one thing I hate like I hate everything about it is that i have like low iron so I keep feeling dizzy af everyday and idk why I keep throwing up blood, it's been a while since it started but I don't know why it's happening I wish I did no one knows ab this only one of my friends bc well he saw me throwing up it I don't wanna tell anyone about it bc what if they say that I'm js lying for attention and it's not acc happening that's why I never tell anyone about anything or how I feel

And I keep getting rape and "I'm gonna touch you with no consent" jokes but it's rlly not fucking funny

It's rlly not funny

I can still hear his voice in my ear and I can still fucking feel his hands on me

I hate every bit of it

I hate every bit of myself

I just wish I could be just a little more tan like just a little

Then maybe all these fucking scars wouldn't show

I just wish I could dissappear

Well technically it's gonna happen soon

Very soon

I alr have it all planned out

Nothing can stop me now

[deep flint]

Stop

Don't play with me rn wdym

Wdym it's gonna happen soon

Don't do this man

[bold herald]

No miral

Why man

U promised me

Please I don’t wanna lose you

[crimson vigil]

Im so sorry for u miral, I know how hard it might be, we all are here to support u please just hang on, please hang in there we care about u ur not alone

Give it one chance please

[torpid gyro]

.

[vague bobcat]

It means what it says dummy

[vague bobcat]

I don't either but what other choice do I have

[vague bobcat]

Look gng you really awesome dude but I've gave it enough chances

[bold herald]

No

Pls

[vague bobcat]

I feel like I'm gonna relapse again

I've been trying so hard to not do it

I've been trying to distract myself from the thoughts

I can't take this anymore

I've been throwing up since I woke up

I can't even stand up straight without feeling like I'm ab to pass out

I'm sick of this

I've been trying too hard to water a dead plant

I feel so worthless I just wanna die

What even am I in this world, if I disappeared would anyone rlly notice?

Or would they just move on

Everytime I gain courage to talk people tell me to shut yp

I'm done with always being silenced I just wanna be silent forever now

This is so corny what the hell

I just wanna be loved for once

Be heard not seen

And just as I thought I was starting to do well again

It all came crashing down

I've started to itch again but instead of my neck I itch this specific part of my head and hands and arms

Omg this is so fucking corny

[vague bobcat]

Im so close to doing it again istg

Everywhere I go

Blades or those eyebrow shapers

Or sharpeners

Everything just reminds me of s.h

It's just a little scar it'll do no harm

Who will even care if I do it

[vague bobcat]

Everytime I wanna relapse I just sleep

My sleep schedule is more fucked than Bonnie blue now

I just wanna go back to the times where I didn't think about it every second

[vague bobcat]

I feel like I'm about to do it again

Like

Idk I feel so bad rn

[vague bobcat]

I feel like all that time being clean is all crashinf down

Like all that time resisting is coming back in one

[vague bobcat]

Uhhh

I uhm

I did it

I kept itching myself

So hard

Too hard

And then I just see

Blood

Everywhere

I can't take this anymore

I just don't know what to do anymore

I have no purpose in my life, I never did it just took me a while to realize that

Because what if I do it again

Who will care

[vague bobcat]

I can't take this anymore

I've tried enough times

I've tried too hard

[vague bobcat]

I'm so done istg

My mental health just keeps getting worse and worse I'm so fucking done with my shit

Even my grades are slipping

I'm just so sick and tired of trying to be perfect and normal when clearly I'm not

Idk why but uhm I'm thinking about doing it again

[vague bobcat]

I feel like I wanna kms again

I seriously can't take this anymore

I was gonna do it yesterday but I chickened out

I might try again this week but I'm not sure

[vague bobcat]

I threw it all out

All

I'm scared if my mom sees it in the trash I'd be so fucking cooked

I remember the last three times I attempted

I didn't regret it

I started to see like everything was so green and alive

Like it hasn't been for forever

I wanna feel that again

But I also wanna die so so bad

Idk what to do anymore

I'm js gonna slowly leave so that they won't realize that I'm not there that I'm gone

I feel so drained

[vague bobcat]

I'm sorry I can't take it anymore

Bye.

[vague bobcat]

I'm back here again

I wish he'd just let me die

No one was supposed to know

Now my mom saw it all

She saw the suicide note she saw all of it

The nicotine

The blades

She keeps asking me why I wrote it, what I meant by it

I forgot to throw the paper away

Now my whole body aches sm

Why am I like this holy fuck

[vague bobcat]

vro today is so fkd up

I found out my sister cuts hereself
I was literally seconds away from jumping off my roof
and idek what to do anymore

[deep flint]

...

What happened