Im in shock

[hollow sphinx]

My fiance left me Wednesday night. Im tired of talking about or explaining it but basically I never thought hed do this to me. I genuinely believed he wanted to be with me. He showed it with words and actions.
Recently something happened on his end (he got into trouble) and we had to do long distance. We only could see eachother once a week kinda or js not at all.
Hes 23, im almost 19 in like 9/10 days idk when January ends lol
Doesn't rlly matter though since hes basically done with me. I guess it became too boring for him, and we would fight often over text because hed always hurt my feelings and id mention it lightly but he would dismiss my feelings and start making it about him. Called him selfish for that. And he left me because he said I was never considerate of how he felt and I called him selfish. when I always was. It was just disrespectful for him to ignore my needs and then start to talk about himself. When he wouldnt do this id comfort him. Id call him. Anything.
I feel like this is all my fault.
He also seemed to be a different person over text too which I didnt like. He was so sweet in person though.
Im just in shock. I never thought he would leave me. He even told me he wanted a future with me and kids with me daily. He was just so sweet. He seemed to want me. I dont know why he left me so abruptly. The same day he left me he told me I help him not commit suicide. He told me hes only alive because of me-

He told me he loved me and hes never giving up on me no matter how much we quarrel he will always love me. But I guess it was all a lie. Because he fucking left me right after. I swear im unlovable. It always ends up the same way. I thought maybe hes regretting this maybe he doesnt want this but hes blocked me and on sites he doesnt have me blocked on he is just ignoring me.
He promised me hed never leave me. Why did he and why was it that easy? He told me he loves me while breaking up with me. Stating he cant do it anymore.
I was crying one night and he pulled over and parked the car.

Hugged me through it and told me he wouldnt leave me and that hes here and always will be and that im safe. I was in a fucked up mindset , I told him I would kms if he left me. I promised it to him. He told me i wouldnt ever have to do that because hes not going anywhere. Its been hard. Ive been thinking about doing it and its been so loud too. And its scary because im not scared of trying to anymore. I feel like if I did that maybe he would come back to me and realize how much I love him. but I dont think its a good idea. He isnt worth dying for. He betrayed me. He clearly probably played with me and lied about it all.
I will be fine. I will heal with time. Im sorry this is so long but I had to get my frustrations out. Its just bothering me and I have so many questions.

I havent been eating. My head hurts. Ive been crying. Im so hurt idk what to do

[devout sparrow]

I know you will heal over time but I had near same experience as you, I've dropped whatever feeling i had for him, I've dropped the memories, I know it might be hard for you it's based on you i think but it was easy for me, I don't wanna carry a dead weight behind me, I really didn't eat for 1-2 days and I was crying every hour, but I stopped for my own good, you should too, let it go.

[devout sparrow]

It's gonna be okay, just let the time heal you and you will eat

stay hydrated though

I'm here if you need to chat please do reach out to me in dms

[hollow sphinx]

I am dont worry been drinking alot of water

[devout sparrow]

that's perfect

don't let yourself down

life goes on

[hollow sphinx]

I will dont worry, thank you for being here for me

[devout sparrow]

of course :) you're a sweet soul

smile and be happy

[hollow sphinx]

Its really hard to at this time😭😭 nut im trying

[devout sparrow]

don't stop trying okay ? :)