A blue marmalade with a side of sticks | Huddle | Page 1

frigid geyser Jan 27, 2026, 11:27 PM

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Not sure how I'll start this rn but anyones welcome to send messages whenever they want to

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I guess easiest way to start it rn is just by saying that i often wish my attempt worked just so I wouldnt have to deal with all of this

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Its not like

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A type of "I hate everything" or "im so sad" way

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But more of a "I dont have the energy for this" and "the rest of my life would just be a waste anyway"

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In the country I live in people my age got letters about military service stuff and ive already told myself that if I get forced to join then yeah yk

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I dont have the energy for that

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But they know I got several mental issues so they probably wont

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I guess other things are also things like

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People not taking me and my problems seriously

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A few days ago I tried to vent in another server about how my ocd is convincing me that my life went off script and that I was actually supposed to be severely mentally ill by now (to the point where I was hallucinating and talking to thin air all day) and that because it didnt happen the universe will punish me in some way

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Its like

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I dont believe it 100% but its slowly getting more convincing

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But anyway

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The person just straight up didnt believe me

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I mean my therapist said its my ocd so im guessing my therapist is correct but idk anymore

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I also stopped going to the therapist

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Another thing that people dont take seriously are the addictions ive had

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Currently I dont have any

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But during summer break i was addicted to drugs

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Then at school we had something where we had to argue about if something is right or wrong

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And we got into the territory of drugs

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And I said one or two things that made people realize I took them and stuff

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The teacher atleast didnt

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But had to suffer with my classmates joking about it for a bit

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Then theres also the worst addiction ive ever had that no one seems to take seriously cuz they think everyone who has it just wants to seem edgy or somrthing idk

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But its gore

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I didnt like watxhing it

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I felt disgusted by it

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But I couldn't stop

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Idk what it is but im guessing it has somrthing to do with the fact that it was during my lowest point in my life

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And yeah death was something I was thinking of a lot about back then

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I guess now too but

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Yeah

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Uh

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I guess one last thing I could mention today is that ive always had one wish for when I die

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And it is for me to either get decapitated or just shredded to pieces

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I hate the idea of my body being whole

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Especially after death

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I want to atleast be decapitated

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But at best either have all limbs cut off or shredded to small pieces

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Then whats done with it after I dont really care

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Feed me to some wolf's or a bear

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Or maybe just burn me

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Idc just get rid of the rest yk

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Anyways if someone actually read this then thank you and if you have any questions or something then go ahead and ask

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I dont bite

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Goodnight tho

frigid geyser Jan 29, 2026, 2:23 PM

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not sure why but i really want my body to get ruined after i die

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like

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cut into small pieces and burned

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or cooked so that animals can eat me

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if someone can explain why then pls tell me

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anyway

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i feel like my past is haunting me

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i keep meeting new people who at first seem nice to me and talk with me a lot and stuff

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but then they hang out with someone i barely knew years ago and suddenly they find out how i was at my lowest

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im pretty sure no one knows it was my lowest but after that they become dry and stuff yk

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im gonna go visit a few high schools in 2 months and no one that i know of will study (and hopefully no one i knew will study there) so itll be a fresh start when i start studying there

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i got 1 friend thats chill and he said hes down to rent an apartment with me and we live together

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hes gonna be working and ill be studying and working

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so mostly a fresh start

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kinda excited but i gotta fix my social anxiety and stuff so that people actually wanna be with me

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my stepdad has been hinting at me getting kicked out as soon as i turn 18 which i hope isnt true cuz ill still have 1 more year of school then before studying at high school

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or college

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idk what its called in english

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anyway

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have a nice day to anyone who's reading this ✌️

frigid geyser Jan 30, 2026, 7:59 PM

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Took these on the way home from the store today

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Kinda wish I had my camera with me

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I miss going on walks at night

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But it has become boring

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Especially cuz im always alone

sonic fiber Jan 30, 2026, 11:10 PM

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frigid geyser People not taking me and my problems seriously

I get this so much
I feel like barely anyone cares about the way i feel. I have my own server and there is a venting channel i made specifically for myself to put all my frustrations in but now everyone is using it, which is cool, I dont mind but people have stopped replying to me but they reply to others/react to others so I stopped venting in there along time ago. I just joined this last night because I need to vent Hella rn my fiance just broke up w me and im in shock but yeah I get that, its so real

frigid geyser Jan 30, 2026, 11:36 PM

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sonic fiber I get this so much I feel like barely anyone cares about the way i feel. I have...

aye twin im sorry to hear that, you got it tho i believe in you. venting will def help and especially getting peoples responses, my advice would be to join several servers since people dont always reply in these servers so its best to write in several for the highest chance of a response yk

sonic fiber Jan 30, 2026, 11:37 PM

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Yeah thats fair, idk any other good servers to join tho. I definitely need more friends too

frigid geyser Jan 30, 2026, 11:38 PM

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i got like 2 more servers that are decent

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one isnt really a venting server tho but they got an active venting channel

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id say that one is the best

sonic fiber Jan 30, 2026, 11:38 PM

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If you want to send them to me you can :p

frigid geyser Jan 30, 2026, 11:38 PM

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bet hold on

frigid geyser Feb 2, 2026, 11:21 PM

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Anyone else low-key wants to be nice to everyone and friends with everyone as long as theyre nice to you and help as many people as possible and then be remembered forever after you die since youre afraid of being forgotten but also low-key want your body to be completely destroyed after you die

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Idk but ive been feeling a bit better recently

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Better in some aspects atleast

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Worse in the romantic way

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I feel like ill be living alone in the future

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But oh well

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I mean

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My biggest dream has always been to be a dad and give my kids the childhood ive never gotten

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But im not 100% sure if ill be able to achieve that

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I feel like an outcast and that everyone sees that im different wherever I go

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Well if you cant blend in then just stand out more ig

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Anyway

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I dont wanna ruin my mood too much

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And I feel worse by venting

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So ill come back when I feel worse

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Adios

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Have a great day yall

frigid geyser Feb 5, 2026, 9:22 PM

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Well

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Uh

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I meam

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Mean*

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The past few days have been good

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But

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Okay nvm ill keep it private just incase someone ik joins this and sees this

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Anyway

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I found a pic i was looking for

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Ive been looking for it for like a year now

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Took this on a walk in a small polish village

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Was going to the store but then I convinced myself someone was following me so I just walked on the main road instead

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Took me like one and an half hour to get to the store and halfway back and I was sweaty and it was dark and someone honked at me but my stepdad picked me up and his relatives said theyre impressed with how I walked there

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Was worth it tho I bought 2 crossaints and soda and studd

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I miss going on evening walks

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Especially in poland

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Anyway

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Have a nice day to anyone reading this

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Adios 🙏

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Lowkey wanna write like my entire life story

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Or atleast the stuff I remember

#A blue marmalade with a side of sticks