I was suddenly in a bad(?) mood.
#Bel's Journal
atomic girder
I don't know why.
I find it rather tiring to even hold a proper conversation with my friends.
But it went better as the day passed.
My friends noticed the change in me and asked if I was alright.
I did say that I'm fine, but I genuinely don't know if I am or not.
I feel ridiculous.
I also noticed that I had ill feelings towards some of my teachers.
I know I'm not supposed to, but it feels like I hate them so much.
And I don't know why.
I prefer my Mr. R for math class and Ms. U for Japanese class rather than Mr. I and Ms. V 
I'm sorry, but the way they teach are way different and you can tell by how the boys in the back pay attention or not.
They did not respect Mr. I and Ms. V at all, I can tell.
I feel so awful, I shouldn't hate on them so much but I do 
I should fix how I feel.
Like, really soon.
I had a conversation with my friend from my previous school.
A lot has changed.
They changed.
And I did too.
I always dreaded this day.
I never wanted us to grow apart, but we did.
Even with K, whom I assumed was my best friend.
We just don't click anymore.
It kind of made me sad, to be honest.
atomic girder
I didn't end my day with a great ending.
I had another argument with mother and my sister.
I feel terrible.
I wish I can just hold it in every time something bothers me.
That way, maybe I can avoid these types of petty fights.
atomic girder
I finally opened instagram after a long while.
I saw K's recent post.
She looks a lot more happier than I remembered.
I'm really glad she's happy here.
I'm just really sad we grew apart.
But it's all for the better, right? 
atomic girder
Sometimes, I wish I can just be the child my parents wanted me to be.
The sibling my sister and brother needed me to be.
And the friend that my friends wish I was.
I've been feeling really out of place recently.
It's kind of tiring and worrying for some reason 
atomic girder
I'm so nervous.
Today, I'll be visiting pre UNI alone, without any of my friends.
I did sign up out of spite.
But I can't stop getting nervous for being alone.
And talking to new people.
I overthink the conversations that I might have and wouldn't have.
This is so tiring.
But hey, this is one way to deal with what I'm not good at 
I'm excited to see how I'll do today.
atomic girder
I'm planning on making another account.
I wanted some space from the people I've interacted with this account but still update my journal.
I also want to add my irl friends on discord and hang
So I'll keep this account restrictly for my online friends and the other for my irl friends.
I don't know why I need to differentiate between the two.
But in my country, they view online friends as strangers that we need to be aware of.
You know, like stranger danger. I don't want them to view me as a weird person.
I wonder what username I should come up with.
I'm so excited to hang with my friends.
atomic girder
I didn't expect to see MK here at all.
I never knew he was into these kind of stuff.
It turns out, I have nothing to be afraid of.
I managed to socialize.
Sort of.
Well, they were the one who initiated the conversation.
odd oriole
Well, that wasn't so hard after all
I thought I had to do a lot more than verifying my email, but turns out it's a lot easier than I remembered.
I miss this pfp so much, it's been so long since I had put this on.
I have trouble refusing whenever someone wanted to match with me.
I'm most likely going to make this account my main.
odd oriole
Yesterday went well!
Kind of.
I finally tried swimming again.
I also paid a membership for the gym near my house.
I had a good laugh with my friend for hours.
And I even finished a movie.
It wasn't much, but I enjoyed yersteday a lot.
Today wasn't that great, though.
I feel a bit of a distance between me and my close friends.
Maybe it was just me.
Then again, I do feel too much sometimes.
I also encountered something extremely concerning which involves my little brother.
I talked it out with him.
Told him I was disappointed by his act.
We both agreed to keep this between us, to avoid any conflicts in the house between him and our parents.
Mother was furious today.
Apparently, she thought her phone was dead dead.
I told her that her phone was perfectly fine, it just ran out of battery.
But she was extremely worried and restless.
I would like to believe I handled the situation well.
I didn't raise my voice at all and kept it neutral.
She kinda did, but it's alright.
I'm trying my best not to be bothered by it.
Well, not even a few minutes later, I had another argument with mother and sister.
I was exhausted already.
So yeah, I did raise my voice a bit.
I shouldn't have done that, I know.
I should've been the bigger person and held back.
fixing myself is so hard.
odd oriole
I don't really remember what happened before I passed out.
But I think mother was yelling at me too wake me up.
I couldn't get up, though.
I was dead tired.
I feel awful.
I shouldn't have let my exhaustion get the best of me.
I'm planning on apologizing after she woke up.
But I'm afraid she's going to ignore me or yell at me again.
I dislike it when she yells.
odd oriole
My day just keeps getting worse.
I can't seem to go by a day without an argument with mother.
So much for trying to heal
odd oriole
I think I'm getting better at doing things on my own.
I came to realize that whenever they asked for my help, they never responded when I asked for theirs.
It was kind of frustrating at the start.
But I'm getting the hang of it
I'm sure I can do a lot of things on my own pretty soon
odd oriole
Things hasn't been going well lately.
I don't know where to start.
But my TKA certificate came out.
I got two specials, two greats, and one fail.
Yeah, I failed in chemistry.
I'm not very proud of it.
The numbers aren't exactly something to be proud of either.
My parents care way too much when it comes to numbers.
I took a peek of my friend's certificate.
She had a higher score than me.
She told me she didn't study, which I totally believe her, of course. She wouldn't lie about something like that.
But I feel really awful.
It is my fault, I know.
I should've studied harder.
I gave mother the certificate.
I didn't know what to expect.
But she yelled.
At the numbers, of course.
She didn't even take a lot at my grades' description.
I got two specials and two greats, but she ignored those completely.
All because they're not 8s.
And worst of all, her yelling became louder when she saw how low I scored in chemistry.
I don't know how to feel.
I feel pissed off, yeah.
But maybe I did kind of wish she would compliment me or, I don't know, show her support.
odd oriole
Oh my god.
I finally heard from him after weeks of no contact.
I'm glad he's alright.
He's honestly such a sweet friend and I'd rather not lose that kind of person.
Not that I'd tell him that. He'd make fun of me for sure
odd oriole
I can never forget the day father cried in front of me.
odd oriole
Yesterday went great!
But after pre-uni, I feel really dumb because it shows that I understand nothing at all.
Well, setting that aside, father came home.
He asked the family out for dinner and a movie.
Mothernet's the title, it's a local movie and I LOVED it so much.
I told father and mother I watched it before.
I lied.
And I cried my eyes out.
Everyone was, I'm pretty sure.
Even my father.
My brother kept looking left and right to make sure he wasn't the only one crying. He was so cute.
I can relate to the movie so much, in some aspects.
I'm leaning more to the parents-children relationship.
When Laras was in her deathbed, it reminded me of the time when mother was in hers. Alongside with my sister. Because of the damn covid.
I can't seem to remember if brother was affected or not.
I tend to forget unpleasant memories after all.
And when Hendi secretly cried when Rama was asleep, reminded me of when father cried silently, praying they don't take mother and sister away.
It was around 4 to 5am. I remember it clearly.
For some reason, I can't forget that single memory.
I don't think I want to.
I am extremely introverted.
I realized that when I first attended pre-uni.
This girl next to me single handedly carried the conversation between two introverts (including me).
She was so cool.
I aspire to be like her.
But I get nervous too often.
And my voice shakes whenever I strike a conversation.
Or my awkward demeanor often makes people stay away from me.
odd oriole
My mother
Is certainly someone I do not want to hate.
But she is making it extremely difficult for me to not hate her.
And then she wonders why I'm on my phone a lot.
Well, what she has done speaks louder than words, I am not going to lie.
And all her nagging doesn't really help her case.
I once asked her about it, why she nags so much.
Let's just say she thinks it is the best way for me and my siblings to understand her point of view.
Yeah, I don't think we do.
Because she nags us while looking down on us and in a unappreciative tone.
Yikes, I'm such a bad child. Why can't I just accept this at it is
odd oriole
I hope today ends well.
odd oriole
I'll call him R. Sooo apparently he's G27 and he's in the same club as H but I don't want to ask her about him because I'm shy and I just know she will tell R and ask him questions and I don't want him to get a hint because he knows I'm friends with H. Not to mention, he knows J as well. He knows K too. So like, this is really risky. Because, yk, I don't want him to know that I like him. And I enjoy having a silly crush. It's not like I want to date him or anything. I don't think I'm making any sense, yikes.
I feel so silly tonight.
odd oriole
I remembered reading somewhere that planning ahead on what to do tomorrow can increase your productivity?
I'm not sure.
But I do know that I'll be handling my chemistry presentation tomorrow, attend rg's lt, revise UTBK'S PK PM, and study a few hours about stem cells for pre-UNI. Yeah, that's basically it.
Let's hope tomorrow goes as planned
Good night!
odd oriole
Didn't start it off with a great morning today!
But I have a great feeling my day is going to be great.
So I'm not going to encourage this ugly encounter.
odd oriole
Today went great!
Sort of.
I mean, everything went great in school.
The new sub for biology was super kind.
I actually found myself active more than I used to.
I told H about my silly crush with R and of course he has a girlfriend
Well, not that I'm surprised.
Every Rs I fell for are either taken or not interested.
I'm beginning to see a pattern here.
Anyway, school ended with a heavy rain.
Lucky for me, I don't need to pick my sister up.
I was about to go home with a clear mind when my tire got stuck in a hole
I felt super embarrassed, I had to ask one of the boys who were laughing at me to help me pull it out.
Oh dear, I don't think I can forget this moment in the near future.
odd oriole
Father left while I was asleep.
Again.
I kind of wished he woke me up so I can say my goodbyes.
Oh well 
odd oriole
I got myself a month trial of nitro!
I didn't know this existed for recently created accounts.
I'm having so much fun decorating my profile 
odd oriole
I just woke up
I wanted to log my day, but I sort of fell asleep.
Things didn't really go well.
I had no desire to talk to my friends about it, so I sort of ignored them.
I should stop doing that, though.
I might develope an avoiding habit of some sort.
So, halfway through school, I forced myself to feel alright.
And yeah, things went super great for a while.
Had a good laugh.
Sort of overexerted myself during pe and now I can't walk
It was raining heavily after school ended.
Honestly, I really wish my sister would ride the motorcycle home.
I did remember her telling me that she would be willing to take control when it rains, knowing my history of falling over and tripping on wet roads.
Well, she went against her own words.
I was exhausted and tired.
And I wore my new shoes today.
I wanted to keep them safe but couldn't.
Puddles were everywhere and other bikers and cars were speeding up.
I was bound to get splashed on 
I think I began crashing out, then.
I didn't mean to rant to her.
That was really immature of me.
Thankfully she didn't take it to heart.
She never does.
Maybe that's why I felt safe ranting to her and telling her about my problems and concerns rather than mother.
I should stop, though.
I should never burden her with my problems.
I wish someone taught me how to be a proper eldest child without problems or anger issues that your siblings would look up to and your parents would be proud of.
I still have a long way to go.
But I'm sure I'll make it
odd oriole
Today was a roller-coaster
I lost 6k rupiah on my school's printing machine because it was under maintenance.
But I needed to get my report printed asap, so I ordered online printing which cost me around 17k rupiah for the delivery fee and service.
When I got back, the printing machine was up and running again
If only I was patient enough.
Not to mention, I spilled coffee all over my white skirt
Had a good laugh, tho.
Neither me or my friend expected that.
We were talking about me accidentally spilling coffee but then it actually happened and we were dying LMAO
odd oriole
I'm still working on this project that is due today but I'm out of glue and it's 3am
I haven't slept a wink and I'm exhausted.
I have to wake up at 5 though
odd oriole
For some reason, I wish today didn't happen at all.
I feel like crying but I can't, and it kind of hurts.
It's alright. Things will improve pretty soon, I'm sure of it
odd oriole
So, yesterday did not went well at all.
But I started this morning with a better feeling.
And confusion.
For some reason, my sister felt I was being unfair because I promised my brother I'd buy him necessities for school.
I didn't get what she meant at first because I don't see a reason why she was upset about it.
He's 8 and she's 17.
He doesn't have his own allowance yet, so of course it falls to me to buy his stuff.
So when I asked her about it, apparently she felt jealous because when we were kids, I'd give her my money that I got from an errand I completed.
It wasn't just once or twice, but on random days I'd just give her Rp50k.
That was a lot, mind you.
So now that my brother's at the age where we were at back then, I feel like it's fair if I did the same to him.
Besides, both me and my sister both received the same amount of allowance every month.
I don't see why she can't just use her own money instead.
But then she sort of crashed out saying my brother stole the spotlight and I stopped giving her money because of him.
Which is totally not the case.
We're both not kids anymore, we have our own allowance. So why is she so hung up on receiving money from me when she can just ask for an extra allowance from father?
Though, it did hurt when she implied that she wished he wasn't born at all so she can stay as the youngest child.
I love them both. But I don't think he deserves to be hated just because it's his turn I give my money to.
It really is scary what money can do to a person.
Of course, I'd stop buying him things when he has his own allowance. So why can't she see that I did the same to her back when we were kids?
No allowance, but I still made sure she received what I earned from errands.
I sort of lost it when she yelled that she never wanted to become a big sister.
I never wanted to become one either.
But here I am, with both of you as my siblings.
You think I have it easy, don't you?
I have always put you both first above everything else every single time, but all you care about is this?
You hate your own brother over money. Do you hear how childish that sounds?
You don't think I find it exhausting every single time you both fight, asking me to pick sides? Stop asking me to pick sides.
You've only been a big sister for 8 years. I've been one for like forever.
I didn't even get the luxury to live as an only child because a year later, you came to my life.
I get blamed for almost everything you did back then. You didn't even get blamed for what brother did.
So I don't think it's fair for you to complain about being a big sister to him, because what have you done for him? You know what I think? I think you're so hung up about the things you might lose because he's in our life now. But have you ever paid attention that I still treat you the same? But then you'd push me away because, I don't know, puberty? You're so stuck with your thoughts thinking you're the unluckiest, most depressive child in this family when mother gave you everything, father listened to your every request, and you never get blamed for the things you've done. You're not even blamed for what brother has done, so why are you acting like you're the one who suffered the most? What the hell has he done to you? What, are you scared of me replacing my attention from you to him? You know that'll never happen. Ever. Despiter everything, I still help you with your homeworks. I stayed up to study with you because you hate being alone. I ride you to school and back because I have to and because I love you all the same. We switched chores because you hated yours even though I loved mine, but I did anyway. So don't you dare hate your own brother just because of those silly thoughts.
But I would never tell her this.
She wouldn't understand anyway. I've tried before.
odd oriole
I know mother can be a bit too much sometimes.
But I don't think it was right for my sister to do what she did to her.
To all of us actually.
I kind of feel bad for her, but honestly I'm pissed of at her as well.
I just know she locked me, mother, and my brother out of the house as a way to tell mother that she's mad.
But she probably didn't expect herself to fall asleep.
Mother and brother was soaked, they were out of the pool and went straight home thinking they could get a warm shower.
We were locked outside for around two to three hours.
The wind was pretty strong and it was really late.
I was really pissed off at her, knowing that mother and brother can catch a cold.
I even asked father's help, knowing it was useless because he's out of town
When she woke up, she practically bolted outside and opened the door for us.
Boy, she looked panicked.
I'm guessing she didn't expect this to happen.
But I was far too pissed at her to actually feel empathy for her.
We were starving, we missed our Maghrib, and she locked the door as a prank.
Mother was furious when she opened the door.
I couldn't help but turn away as she yelled at my sister.
But yeah, I feel like my sister's action were too much.
I still can't bring myself to talk to her.
But I feel so bad for ignoring her.
Unlike her, I can't give someone the silent treatment for too long.
Because I know it hurts, I've been the victim of it since I was a child.
odd oriole
I can't sleep tonight.
I know, I have to. But I can't bring myself to close my eyes
I finally cried tonight! It felt so good and wrong at the same time
I don't know, maybe I sort of believed that I don't deserve to feel this way.
It's really hard trying to love myself when everything feels so wrong
I made a mistake to a bunch of my friends and I apologized.
However, I don't know how to act tomorrow.
And I don't want to come off as awkward.
I wish I can just curl up into a ball somehwere hidden.
odd oriole
Things has been a total rollercoaster, lately.
It just seems to be getting worse and worse.
I don't even know how to handle this, to be honest
I promised myself it'll get better soon, but I don't think that's the case here 
odd oriole
I don't like how busy I am.
I rarely have time to write down my day anymore
It's either assignments or I fell asleep on the couch, which is a habit I should stop
Today just makes me feel a lot less appreciative of myself. Damn, I want to go home so badly.
odd oriole
A week of day off.
I've been waiting for this day for like ages.
But I think I'd be spending it with studying
That's one way to clear my head.
odd oriole
I haven't logged my day in a while.
Things went up and down.
61 until entrance exam.
And I've started to try and take better care of myself.
It was sort of awkward when I do things at first, but now I'm getting a hang of it.
Ramadhan starts today!
Didn't get the luxury to fast in the first day because of my period, though.
I reconnected with my online friends and I'm feeling really happy.
odd oriole
Me and my family went to pay our respects to my grandparents.
On the way, we met our relatives.
It was really awkward, though.
I can feel the tension.
They were speaking in Javanese and I had no clue what they were talking about
I managed to get snips and pieces out of the conversation, though.
But that's basically it.
I hated how awkward I was back then.
odd oriole
I took this pic omw from paying our respect. It looked like a dream.
It was a rare sight here.
I'm really hungry right now, but I'd feel bad eating in front of my family
odd oriole
I don't know how to handle change.
People change, I know that very well.
The person you thought you were close to becomes a stranger in the span of a few months.
It felt awkward, I felt distant from them.
I don't know how to reconcile though, to get back that bond we all used to have.
All this worrying makes me rather sleepy but also restless.
Things went downhill the past few days.
Whether it's with friends, families, or studies.
odd oriole
School was great today.
There was nothing much for me to do, but I enjoyed it.
I spent most of the times watching horror movies with AC, C, and V.
I felt like shitting myself
It amazes me how these horror movies aren't affecting them in any way.
odd oriole
I love my friend so much.
I know me and him ended things on good terms, but I can't help myself feeling guilt thinking we ended because of me.
So I told Sniffy about it and he told me and made me realize that what I had with him was a toxic relationship.
I didn't want to believe it at first, but thanks to him calling me out in his own special way, I now see his vision...
Not to mention, Sniffy told me things about him that I have never heard of.
Turns out he was an absolute garbage of a human being.
I gotta thank Sniffy for this, he's such an awesome person I'm so glad I'm friends with him.
odd oriole
Sniffy went offline for a few days.
He left me a "thank's for everything" message.
While I was asleep too.
It worried me so badly, I spammed his dms until it exploded.
He contacted me a few days later.
I confronted him, of course, because I was worried sick.
It turns out he did try to ||kill himself|| for reasons he did not disclose.
He didn't feel like talking about it, because it made his stomach churn.
He was asleep for 5 days.
And I hated myself because I should've been there for him.
I am trying to be there for him, but he won't let his walls down.
And I'm scared, because what if that happens again?
odd oriole
I was scrolling through tiktok.
Until this one video came into my fyp.
A little child dreaming of her brother.
Her brother passed away when he was 5 years old because of cancer.
And I've been scrolling through the mother's account and I'm sobbing in front of my friends because I can't hold it in.
I feel so sad even though I'm not related to them.
But the little girl told her mother that she would like to visit wherever her brother is and that she missed him.
I showed this to tiktok AC, but she didn't cry as I did.
I guess, she doesn't really feel the grief that I felt.
Maybe her being an only child does play a bit of a role in it.
I felt a bit guilty, though.
Because back then, I always wanted to die while this boy who was even younger than me fought hard to survive.
And my family mourning me never crossed my mind even though I know they loved me dearly.
Thinking back, I was rather selfish.
odd oriole
Didn't start the morning with a great start.
Not even an hour after I woke up, I had another fight with my sister.
This reminds me of what A and AC told me a few days back.
Me and my sister both have high egos.
I guess that's what happens when you practically grew up together.
But I don't think that's the case for everyone.
I wish it wasn't the case for me.
I'm tired of dealing with her crap every day but if I don't she'd get mad at me
And I hate it when she acts like a brat.
But for some reason, I can't hate her as much as she does hate me.
I'm guessing I still love her.
Or probably the eldest child responsibility nagging in the back of my mind even though she never sees me as her sister and only call me out when she desperately needs something.
Hopefully, I'll figure it out as I go.
Oh dear, it's this time already.
I'm going to be late for school
odd oriole
I was listening in to my brother and mother's conversation.
My brother raised his voice at her, which I didn't really appreciate because mother was just reminding him that he spent over 3 hours of screen time.
I chastised him, of course.
Because you don't talk to mother like that, at least that's what I was taught growing up.
She said something about how you're not supposed to aim your frustrations on things they're not related to. If you're mad, then you're mad. But don't you ever frown to her or make faces or scream or slam the door to show that you're angry.
And that was ironic because growing up, I'd get yelled at for something so simple just because mother wasn't in the mood or I'd hear father slam the door when he was mad.
This reminded me of a quote I saw.
Your mood is your problem and your business. Being nice to people is basic manner.
Don't let them suffer just because you're "not in the mood."
Yeah, mother has a point, sort of.
But I wish she would listen to her own words sometimes.
odd oriole
I don't understand mother and her obsession with changing the wifi password, thinking it would magically solve things
What happened to talking things out?
I get that my siblings can rather be hard to talk to, but they'll understand if you just put in the effort of trying to strike a conversation without nagging at them.
From what I've seen, mother's approach are rather demanding.
And my siblings didn't take it very well.
Even I used to have a very hard time listening to her.
And she raises her voice a lot.
I always hate when that happens.
odd oriole
It's been a while since I wrote.
Things has been going alright, sort of.
Not really, who am I lying to
I feel like a mess.
I want to rely on my sister but I can't.
Because every time I did, I was let down over and over again.
odd oriole
I didn't get accepted through SNBP.
I'm trying my best to ace this UTBK, though.
Cause that's my only hope for uni.
Things were said and I can feel my parents hope for me to succeed.
It scares me sometimes.
Because even I'm not sure I'll do well.
I'll definitely pass if I get a 800, but I could only score a 600 in mocks I've tried.
I don't feel depressed.
At least that's what I thought at first.
I didn't know my sister would see me as a depressing person.
"I'm ashamed to have a depressing sister like you."
Words were said when we fought, but this one lingers a bit too long in my head.
I used to always forget insults she throws at me, knowing she doesn't mean them.
She's still young after all.
Still, I can't help but feel bad.
odd oriole
I was scrolling through TikTok and saw someone with a perfect score for their entrance last year.
They didn't get accepted.
And it made me second guess myself.
I'm not even close to a perfect score yet.
And it's in 4 days.
I do realize instead of doing this, it's better to just lock in.
So I'll do just that.
odd oriole
Didn't start this morning with a great vibe.
I had a fight with my family
I could've held back but again, I let it get the best of me.
Me and A are supposed to survey UNDIP today, but she fell asleep after I called her
I had a good laugh.
It seemed like she was panicking as well 
I don't mind if we were a bit late.
It's not like we're in a hurry or anything.
I made myself a cup of coffee as well!
It's been a while since I had one for myself
I suppose I can use this free time to study while I wait for A to pick me up 
odd oriole
UNDIP was huge!
Really huge!
Which made me feel a lot more nervous than I was before.
I'm really scared, because I don't know if I'll ever do this well...
I really do hope I can pull it off, though.
odd oriole
Didn't begin the morning with a great start again
I was feeling pretty motivated until mother scolded me again.
It was my fault, though.
I didn't mean to skip meals yesterday.
But the words she chose to convers with me affected me more than I thought it would.
I managed to not let my anger get the best of me though
I feel like I'm improving in managing my emotion.
I hope I can keep this up
odd oriole
Mother called me out on my anger issues and my tendencies to lash out or ruin the mood, as she put it.
That did something in me and I bit back a response to her.
It's not my fault I grew up in a household full of adults who can't keep their shit together when they're mad.
I was really observant as a child and I'm not dense.
The silent treatment, the yelling, and the guilt tripping.
I sort of regretted it, though.
Because no matter how much I want her to understand, she wouldn't.
And I know that very well because I've tried to in the past, several times.
odd oriole
I can't lie any longer.
I can't lie to them or to me.
Not anymore lol.
Oh god, I'm actually really terrified right now it's making me anxious.
I don't know what to do.
I'm scared, lol.
And of course everything came crushing down at 3 am
odd oriole
Having the support mother never gave me did ease my heart a little.
Instead of berating me, father helped me find a solution and motivation.
The contrast in how these two act is very visible, no wonder I try to seek his validation more than hers.
odd oriole
I didn't expect father to cry.
I sobbed in front of everyone and hugged him without thinking.
I was so stressed
odd oriole
I crashed out so bad I said things I didn't mean to my sister.
We got into a huge fight.
I didn't want us living under the same roof still hating each other, but I know I still can't forgive her.
I decided to make the first move and apologize tho.
And then proceeded to cry to sleep
Yesterday was one of the worst days I had.
I still can't make sense why she would send those things while I was outside.
I even rushed home because I got worried.
I got fooled at the end.
odd oriole
Tho I don't accept replies in my journal, but tysm for checking in
I feel a bit better now
odd oriole
I had another quarrel with mother over a silly promise.
Thanks, catbot
She told me I was being childish about it, but I wasn't mad about her watching the movie without me.
I'm just mad she thinks she can break her promise to watch it with me when I held back from watching it without her.