ash's vents

[fiery sparrow]

so, I'm 13 years old and I'm dealing with mental health. i don't feel like myself this days and losing interest in everything.
I never really gotten the affection from my parents in anything. Here's the things I'm suffering from since I was 6-7
my parents, they want me to be perfect so badly. Like even 78/80 is less for them like I'm not good remembering stuff but I'm trying my best with everything, like I'm not good at sports or anything, except studying in that too, i don't have much interest since i always zone out during classes. I always get verbally abused and sometimes also beaten up just bc of my scores.
My body is really weak, my bones are showing and my health ofc its gonna be bad. So whenever I get sick or injured, my parents they always scold me like they don't even care that I'm blind in one of my eye. I know they are suffering bc of my father's side (my dad's own mother said that he's not her child and did many things which hurted my dad alot)
I know they are going thru alot but what abt me? Like today, i got intense cramps (bc of my period) and I told my mom I don't wanna go to school but instead of that she beaten me up and said that "you took holiday on Monday" (bc we were at the village) so? I literally cried so much in school bc of my cramps like they think I'm acting all of this up.
Next thing is I'm always on my phone, so I won't overthink or talk with the people who understands me alot and I got scolded for that, watching tv, no to them, playing no to them. Study - yes. LIKE I SWEAR TO GOD IM PERFECTLY FINE IN ACADEMICS.

[fiery sparrow]

then an incident happened in September bc of a silly crush of mine.
He made my school life more shittier, made my mental health worse and now the teachers treat me differently and worst of all he knew I was was suffering from depression and anxiety and I would get frequent panic attacks and anxiety attacks too but still he doesn't feel atleast guilt.
Even my frnds (irl) jokes abt me JUST BC I WAS ZONING OUT, and CRYING OVER THE PAIN IM SUFFERING, like they don't treat me the way i treat them.
My whole life is like a joke to them
Do they know this stuff actually hurts me alot?!?
So when I'm trying to defend myself they'll say
"OMG STOP DOING THIS, U JUST WANT ATTETION"
Like i literally didn't study for my midterms just bc my bestie was suffering from cramps, i turned my whole attention to her and when I get sick or injured -ntg "are u okay?" Then that's it and they're in their own world or just tryna annoy me or make jokes abt me.

[fiery sparrow]

Look i know this stuff doesn't matter to anyone but bc of this I sometimes get heart ache and I'm losing all of my hair and trying to stop myself from going to heaven but the treatment i get, it makes me really to do it.