rues/journal

[abstract tartan]

also this is fully just talking about my mom here, not some random person

i also tend to forget what i mean when i re read things

i realized a pattern in my brothers actions three years ago, i didn’t get past it, but i don’t relate him to anything causing me a problem

i subconsciously notice things around that, and basically what he does by now doesn’t have an affect on me

[abstract tartan]

not saying it can’t, but he as well as my cousins are the only people i’m fine with being around

[abstract tartan]

so not to say i ignore what’s said or done, but i don’t notice it as much as normal

whether that’s eating or any other sound

uhh

hii dudde..

[feral meteor]

even if you're not one to admit it all the time i think it's a good trait that you can notice things, especially small things

[feral meteor]

hi

[abstract tartan]

i’m sorry if that sounded unsure, i didn’t really know what you were gonna say 😓

[abstract tartan]

i’m sorry i’m not fully sure what to say on this, but thank you for understanding it & replying!

[feral meteor]

its okay

[abstract tartan]

thank youu!! 😓

i’m sorry about how long it’s been, how are you doing?

[feral meteor]

its okay dw and ive been great

gonna be doing restaurant service soon

[abstract tartan]

glad to hear that!!

[abstract tartan]

that’s awesome, hope it goes well! do you know around when it’ll be? 😓

[feral meteor]

sorry i went to sleep, it's sometime in december, i think the 11th? i'm not 100% sure

[abstract tartan]

all good no worries, i wish you the best on it tho!

also i’m sorry about the late reply on my side 😓

[feral meteor]

its ok

[abstract tartan]

thank youu!!

[abstract tartan]

bitt of a break off, i’m sorry to end the conversation above

[abstract tartan]

i ended up changing my roblox username, i was going to like three months ago but i decided it wasn’t worth it

not a full point in it now mainly as i’ve had another account for a year or so, it wasn’t my main around then tho

[abstract tartan]

& here’s where we go into actual talk i guess

[abstract tartan]

i used to somewhat base what i did off of who was active, like i’d only have the energy to be online when they were, & i mean, i still care about them it’s just i feel like it’s decreasing, my energy and actions, not my care for them, i could of been going through any mental state & they’d be able to say anything & i’d take it to the best understanding i could, & have no “bad” reaction to it, regardless of what it was, & this may seem obsessive, but i don’t think it was ever about obsession, it was comfort & who i was by, which was them

[abstract tartan]

which on this, i cared more than i was ever able to show or explain, i was never really worried about how i came off to anybody else, but when it had a possibility to affect them negatively i knew it wasn’t worth it

[abstract tartan]

& this also doesn’t say i only ever checked on them or noticed what was wrong because of this, i notice a lot of things, i’m just not great at bringing it up

i’ve never been great at messaging people, & i do check in on a lot of people, i was just worried about how it’d seem asking if they were okay that often, or saying i care about them as often as i once did

[abstract tartan]

i don’t think what i say is always that close to reality, i have no problem with directly messaging people & asking if they’re okay, but some people & involving them in this case, i find it hard to message

mainly worrying i’ll bother them, or come off wrong

[abstract tartan]

on this i can promise i’ve wrote out more messages then i’d never have the courage to actually send

i basically send a message & keep out of the chat until it’s either replied to or i have to check it, like no matter now long ago it was i will not be opening it unless i know they haven’t been active, & i’m actually concerned by their activity

[abstract tartan]

this goes for any kind of message actually

[abstract tartan]

it’s like partly saying, i never actually trusted or cared for anybody in the same sense

my activity by itself wasn’t involved in that, as i was still active in this server as well as others in the same manner

[abstract tartan]

i have no point in pretending to feel something i don’t either way, although i did care for the people around me around then & even now, they were never considered somebody i trusted

[abstract tartan]

basic parting, i knew we weren’t going to last as friends due to multiple reasons

not that i didn’t truly care, i just didn’t have a point in caring more than i did, so i kept distance for a reason

therefore it was like staying by somebody knowing all ends of it, & i mean sure eventually everything does regardless of what it is

[abstract tartan]

but having no real connection & overall just talking for the fun of it

[abstract tartan]

basic ending on it, somebody involved in this basically stayed & ended up becoming a real friend to me, although they fully hated me before

it was like force feeding a child i swear

[abstract tartan]

all good though, how things went throughout it was fine, i knew what could of happened & it went down how i assumed it would

there’s no point in holding anything against anyone either way, it’s really just childish

i got kind of sidetracked but uh

i did care in a way, but it was honestly just about their wellbeing rather than anything else in the situation
it stayed that way throughout all of it, & it still is the same, i just don’t look into it or check anything regarding them

[abstract tartan]

nor have i with anyone else, its been like two weeks & i don’t think its about energy

i just really don’t care about it, & that’s not meant to come off in any way it’s just how i feel about it in general

it’s disappointing to see really

[abstract tartan]

in a personal sense that is, no idea how it’s perceived but i don’t mind that part

[abstract tartan]

it’s like constantly messing up, regardless of how much of a problem it is

[abstract tartan]

there’s also always a flaw in everything i say, like there’s no mistaking it

i can look at anything however i want but it doesn’t change the reality of it

[abstract tartan]

this also doesn’t mean i’m mad at anything as i promise i’m not, just an explanation of a perspective i guess

we all look at things differently, or at least that’s partly what i hope

this is partly a reaction i have & continue to do

i’ve actually said trying to make somebody hate you just to leave, or any real reason is disruptive & will probably cause worse of a reaction than leaving would

so uh yeah that’s really hypocritical there

[abstract tartan]

this does also depend on the person though, so it won’t always be wrong

technically most things do, like no matter how you say it or look at it

[abstract tartan]

i don’t have the energy to do or continue most things as i did, & i would leave but i continue to say people can talk to me if they ever want to or need to, & i don’t wanna leave knowing there’s a chance i ignore it

[abstract tartan]

i don’t mean this as an excuse in any way, it’s just something i continue to repeat & therefore ends up being an actual problem in my own actions

i’ll basically start ignoring everything other than these kind of messages, as i’m partly doing dm wise with somebody at the moment

[abstract tartan]

i’m actually just fully repeating something i once did & even with realizing how much it could of affected that person then

mainly why i cut contact with people, i’m genuinely gonna get stuck in a loop & take fourteen hours or around it to reply

[feral meteor]

do you like tell yourself that you have to reply as soon as you can or else it'll be awkward to reply 😞

[abstract tartan]

if i’m active & see it yeah 😓

[feral meteor]

its okay if you dont tho

u should be replying when you feel like it and not when you feel like you're putting yourself at gunpoint to do it

[abstract tartan]

thank you, i appreciate you a lot, genuinely 😓

[feral meteor]

i dont have any elaboration to this but i dont think its good or healthy to reply at the exact second 24/7

especially if you feel like you're pressured into it

[abstract tartan]

i try not to, it is a personal problem against it though, if i apologize for a late reply even though it’s only been a few minutes it does mean i saw it before & wasn’t sure how to reply

like i’m sure the people i talk to wouldn’t mind if i just told them this, i’m just not sure how to, it’s also partly just something i overthink

[feral meteor]

u should only rlly apologise if you dissapear like mid sentence

unless you say you'll be right back

but im not the one to boss you around

[abstract tartan]

i get what you mean, & i appreciate you responding & helping, i’ll try to work on it

thank you for explaining this, also for being here 😓

[abstract tartan]

bit of a break off here, i’m sorry to end the conversation above

[abstract tartan]

hey i got a new role color!!

fire stufff

[smoky iris]

ehm i actually just wanna sleep 😞

my brother has been at my grandmothers for likeee three days, so it’s been pretty quiet here 😓

[smoky iris]

considering that good as they’re all doing fine & it’s less to worry about for the moment

[smoky iris]

ookay i’m gonna sleep tbr 😞

gnggnnn!!

[smoky iris]

uuuh this would be considered late

ookay i’m gonna go wash my face n prlly study

[smoky iris]

wow okay holy migraine

no idea when that was as i didn’t notice i don’t have reaction notifications on for this account, but hiii grugru!!

[smoky iris]

ookay uuuh

i lowkey will be messing my sleep schedule up again 😞

[smoky iris]

not fully a fan of how i’ve been wording most things recently so uh i’ll prolly give writing a bit

my shoulder hurts actually no idea why

[smoky iris]

one of those moments where it stays for a few days i swear 😞

[smoky iris]

ekh i should prolly sleep

goodnessok gngnngn!!

[smoky iris]

rah

you being old as hell doesn’t give you the right to act like an asshole

fucksss shit!

anyway uhm..

[feral meteor]

YOU TELL EM

🤼 🤼

[smoky iris]

GIGGLING HIII AIRHEAD??

[feral meteor]

hii

[smoky iris]

howw are you? 😓

[feral meteor]

good!!!!

i opened pinterest but immediately forgot what i was searching for and just started scrolling

[smoky iris]

ooh aw thats fair though, pinterest is a pretty cool app 😓

[smoky iris]

glad to hear!! & i hope it gets better

[feral meteor]

thank you

i will share one picture i got off pinterest and then conmtinue what i was doing

[smoky iris]

ookay!!

[feral meteor]

amazing

[smoky iris]

that’s awesome wait

thank you for sharing

[smoky iris]

it’s actually still snowing

it’s been like eight hours

[smoky iris]

bit of a break off - also i’m sorry to/for ending the conversation above for complete randomness

onto actual talk i guess

[smoky iris]

dunno but why the fuck am i getting asked about this now of any other time possible??

i stayed away from her & everything for the longest time i could, sure shes a parent, & that’d be mine, but it for sure didn’t seem like it throughout most of my life

[smoky iris]

it’s like completely fucking dropping the last kids education

i got two years behind in school, i’m still somewhat stuck catching up on last years but i can tell you it wasn’t fun to relearn

[smoky iris]

the only reason i ever got told to do it was when it was the state test

otherwise there was no care towards it, telling me eight months after knowing i couldn’t work on it wasn’t helpful whatsoever

[smoky iris]

there wasn’t any help on it in the first place, i ditched it for as long as possible & i genuinely just wasn’t doing well around then, i knew what was gonna happen but i never had the energy to worry about it

the divorce between them was finalized three years ago?

[smoky iris]

i get she wasn’t doing well on it, but i saw what he did & i knew of it, i got told about this every fucking day

i deadass cried myself to sleep all of that year & it continued halfway throughout the next

oh & then i got halfway babied throughout that, as she payed less attention to my brothers, i didn’t want ANY of that attention though

[smoky iris]

one, it messed up my mental health & fucked up my relationship with my siblings

venting to a child daily didn’t seem to work out well

& it still gets brought up every time we go somewhere

[smoky iris]

i can also just get random texts on my brothers attitude, so that’s neat i guess

he hates her & that’s clear, mainly because of this kind of stuff but there’s other reasons, he’s moving in with our father as soon as he can

[smoky iris]

i can’t say either are great, but seeing him breakdown after her fuckass flips wasn’t the greatest

validate your fuckass goodjob on cleaning the whatever messages, because you’re equal like that

it wasn’t even related, it never has been

[smoky iris]

it’s always been “ i know i’m not the best “ yet there’s always a but on that, because there’s never been a change

i made the problems very clear to both people, whether it was a personal thought or an explanation on what i thought was right & wrong

[smoky iris]

& it’s been long enough to change or try to, there just wasn’t action then & there isn’t going to be now

i stopped going to my dads on august thirteenth of last year, i went to his every two weeks for two days, & that was for over a year

[smoky iris]

other than camping when i spent the week, like there was a lot of time on this

six months before i stopped going i was dreading it

[smoky iris]

my timing wasn’t ever gonna be great, i talked to his girlfriends kid about something around this once, they had a huge fight n literally everybody heard it

no shame on it actually, that drive home that day was silent as hell

really really immature people in all honesty

[smoky iris]

the day after this i sent him a message & said i was going to take a break from visiting

the message he sent back wasn’t said correctly at all, but i got threatened & then he said he would, & did text my mom about it, which okay i guess

i can also assume that’s because he was drunk

took four hours to respond yet decided that was smart to write & send

[smoky iris]

this was one of the only things i ever asked her for advice on actually

also like freak you i re read what i was saying for hours, multiple different times

i just wanted a few months to think, that lowkey did become a year though
i fear the only thing i got out of this was “maturity” & a fear of people leaving

[smoky iris]

okay i may fall asleep uhm, not sure what to say here

ach weather wise it’s gonna go down to three tomorrow 😞

it’s also supposed to be the same the next day & that’s lowkey not fun

[smoky iris]

convincing myself i should sleep

okay i’m gonna sleep..

[smoky iris]

i need to lose my texting privileges i swear 😞

uuuh

[smoky iris]

hiii ko!! i’m sorry it’s been a bit, i hope you’re doing okay?

[smoky iris]

i fear i should fix my playlists

wdymm somber was my top artist

i haven’t listened to that guy in forever actually, still great music though

[smoky iris]

my top first & fourth songs were his 😓

hi matrix!!

-also on this thank you for checking this, it’s nice to see you, & i hope you’re doing okay!

[smoky iris]

bit of a break off 😓

i fear i may end up babysitting tomorrow, i do get asked if i want to pretty often though

[smoky iris]

i really don’t understand that uhm

off of that, a friends birthday is in five days

fire stuff

[smoky iris]

i lowkey just wanna sleep but it’s okay 😞

it’s cold as heck tho

i did also just shower so maybe that’s partly why

uuuh

[feral meteor]

how you guys manage to just take random naps during the day i'll never understand

[smoky iris]

i have like

my windows n everything completely blocked off

so when i wanna sleep i just sleep

if there’s any kind of light there’s a low chance i’m able to 😓

[smoky iris]

sorry to like end the conversation above here

yeah uh chat break off

[smoky iris]

there’s been a lot of server issues, & idrk how much longer things are gonna last or stay as is

ex1, two people are in a relationship & their/the friends are really really involved in it, most of their fights happen in the server & people are taking sides & blaming rather than asking if both are doing okay

|| also most people are making jokes about doing self harm ||

so uh not fun whatsoever, lowkey just been overwhelming myself

[smoky iris]

i fear i’m back to feeling fine & energetic & then just heavy depressive for a few hours and i don’t really fan over that, &

i’ve gotten back to a point where i care for absolutely nothing in life as a reason, i care for people but i don’t really mind how i’m seen

gotten could refer to past insight & actions, as it does, although i can’t really say this is an “instant” matter

there’s not really much more to say on this

[smoky iris]

uuh on an actual note i cleaned my room & organized most stuff

ect folding clothing, which is lowkey really boring, i’ll js end up getting a stand or something eventually

yeah i think that’s all..?

[smoky iris]

uh goodnight

[smoky iris]

ex1 i dunno what’s with the images in general media but ok i never wanted to see that 😞

personally no

uuuh

[smoky iris]

it’s like not a personal concern as i’m not involved in it, but i still don’t know if it’s an alt or somebody half vented in a journal that isn’t theirs

like they made their own right before it & didn’t use it

dunno it’s been silent either way

hi jolly..

[feral meteor]

i would lowk hate if that happened to me thats why i try not to make it too much abt myself when i reply to someone on their journal

[feral meteor]

jolly greetings

[smoky iris]

question do you know if livvy is geodabests alt?

[feral meteor]

so theres like

4 ppl named livvy

[smoky iris]

uhh

[feral meteor]

i wouldnt assume so idk

ill ask anyway

[smoky iris]

i don’t think so based off of interests

[feral meteor]

a bit ironic coming from someone with like 3 alt accounts /j

[smoky iris]

no but like

true

[feral meteor]

ya i get u tho

i read the journal

[smoky iris]

that sounded a bit rude with the period, i’m sorry about that

[feral meteor]

nothing wrong with being worried for others

[smoky iris]

thank you airhead!!

also do you go by your display or is airhead okay? 😓

[feral meteor]

airhead!!

[smoky iris]

okay thank you!!

[smoky iris]

my apologies for ending the conversation here

kinda back to random writing i guess

like as in i say stuff at random times* but back on the topic

[smoky iris]

everything may of sounded like a light ending & a low thought of it or against it

but i involved the people i cared for most when I was struggling/trying to cope with something & that was never supposed to be an excuse, it isn’t one

i can also talk about my past mistakes, but i continue to make new ones no matter how much of a problem it is

[smoky iris]

& this is nothing to do with the journal by itself but the way i’ve spoke & replied here was never okay

this isn’t a defense in any way but if i didn’t write it out as i did it wouldn’t of effected me as badly as it did, as i mostly overlooked something & overreacted past comprehension

therefore/overall saying my mental & overall reaction was self caused, & it was never the fault or cause of anybody else

other than family issues most stuff was a self issue, it’s never been the same with friends & it never should of had to be said

there’s genuinely no excuse for either of it

[smoky iris]

overall inf on this, yes things affect me but if i didn’t explain it then wouldn’t of been as personal against it

the partial exlp/thought against it being an overreaction & unkept problem versus mental issues taking affect because of

[smoky iris]

technically saying my main issue was due to past problems/family parts, but involving who & what i did was never okay nor was it needed

i could of fully avoided all of it if i stayed offline

this also is partly self explanatory, whether it was about the dms & repeating past issues or the uninvolved questions

it really never shouldn’t of happened regardless of who it was or when it was

[smoky iris]

didn’t really finish that i guess

what bothered me could of been less explained & more private, not that it should of been said in the first place but

i never should of gotten as personal with my issues or problems as i did

this is a really awkward explanation & it’s clear i just wrote it but i don’t really think deleting it is appropriate

[smoky iris]

no idea what to call it other than an explanation but that’s not fully or really what it is

heavy mind blank but alright uh

[smoky iris]

i guess the end on it being everything could be an empty apology or mean nothing

& i get waiting on somebody to change, or seeing there’s no hope for them to do so & taking loss in as the easier chance

& more respectful one overall

[smoky iris]

i get i say i’ll try to change often & i do on most i can, but it’s not always a clear or instant matter

i can also realize an issue i’m making & continue to repeat it until it affects anybody other than myself
not a great reality but sadly a problem i repeat
& it’s never been about age or anything, that’s just some stuff that’s somebody says so nobody sees it as a responsibility or issue

overall saying regardless of any personal problem or outlook there’s no excuse for any actions made

i think this is a clear?

[smoky iris]

reading things & saying things come off really different

that’s mainly why i stick with voice messages or calls if it’s an actual matter but it’s alright 😓

[smoky iris]

my hand hurts yo

like when you sleep on your arm & it cramps for the next few days

[smoky iris]

i recently downloaded instagram as a friend uses it, & it was way easier to sign up to than i thought it’d be
no idea why but i’ve always thought i needed to link my account to my messenger/facebook

[smoky iris]

i fear my headphones just died & i’m not really trying to get up js for the charger

it’s on my desk, just very noisy floor/wood & i don’t wanna wake a dog up 😞

[feral meteor]

tip toe!!

[smoky iris]

maybe 😓

[smoky iris]

hihiii airhead!!

[feral meteor]

hallo

[smoky iris]

good morning!!

[feral meteor]

isn't it like 4 for you ??

[smoky iris]

yeah..

[feral meteor]

go to sleep mane

[smoky iris]

okay 😓

[feral meteor]

your body needs it!!

[smoky iris]

technically saying goodnight doesn’t match as its morning for you

uh

[feral meteor]

techniclaly morning for both of us anyway

if u think ab it

[smoky iris]

possibly yeah 😞

[smoky iris]

farewell, take care & stay safe!!

also thank you! 😓

[feral meteor]

yes ofc

take care

[smoky iris]

you too!!

[smoky iris]

uuuh

[smoky iris]

my stomach hurts brooz 😞

my mom just texted & said we’re gonna go to my grandmothers at/by four thirty

[smoky iris]

i kinda just wanna sleep 😞

[smoky iris]

i’m not fully sure if talking here loses the point

i don’t really wanna be one of the people who randomly vents or talks about their day when it was not asked of or related

undirected to anybody*

i also don’t wanna move off of an actual matter i care about though

[smoky iris]

okay i’m gonna end up talking i’m sorry 😞

on uh earlier matters as in three hours ago

|| fuckass dude decided to dm me all to tell me to cut and hang myself like hi.. ! ||

they also started this and continued it alc they thought i muted them i guess

oh.

hi uh

airhead

[feral meteor]

why did you react to your own

[smoky iris]

it sounded rude 😞

[feral meteor]

i mean u kinda talk here without being asked which is the point

[smoky iris]

that is true, thank you! 😓

[native sequoia]

okay i need to stop saying hi at the start of my messages, i just started the conversation like that with my mom 😞

[feral meteor]

𝓱𝓲

ok sorry i'll leave you to write

[native sequoia]

HI JOLLY..

no

i’m good

[feral meteor]

no no i insist

yap your heart out

[native sequoia]

wow..

no thx please come back 😞

how are you?

[feral meteor]

im ok

just gonna help my friend with an assignment

cs she has like 4 due by friday

[native sequoia]

ooh woah?

[native sequoia]

that’s nice! make sure to take care though! 😓

[feral meteor]

thank u

i think i'll enjoyt it because it's like

i have to read a story and write a critique about if the plot twist affected the story much

[native sequoia]

glad it isn’t a bad subject to work on 😓

[native sequoia]

hi saliyel!!

[rain dock]

Hi!

[native sequoia]

it’s been awhile, it’s super nice to see you again!!

also awesome name, i don’t think i ever said that 😓

[rain dock]

Aww, thank you 🥺
I was just curious
have you changed accounts before?

My apologies.

I think this might actually be our first time chatting.

[native sequoia]

we talked around three months ago

i did change accounts at a point yeah

display used to be rue? 😓

[rain dock]

I’m a bit forgetful

[rain dock]

Ahhhh

[native sequoia]

that’s okay no worries!

[rain dock]

I remembered!

In the vent-1

[native sequoia]

yep 😓

may i ask how have you been?

[rain dock]

It‘s really been a while !
It’s so nice that you still remember me.

[rain dock]

Of course, Rue.
I’ve been a bit busy, but overall I’m doing okay.
I’ve been studying for a while, and I’ve decided to pursue a career in something that really interests me.
Thanks for asking, Rue.

How about you?
Is it okay if we talk?

I think your journal still helps me understand you better.

[native sequoia]

i’m glad you’re doing okay, and thats awesome to hear!

[native sequoia]

i’ve been okay and i don’t mind talking at all, thank you for asking! 😓

[rain dock]

Haha, that’s a relief
I was just a bit nervous.
I’m not good at chatting

Alright then, I’ll let you get back to things. I hope you have a lovely day.

[native sequoia]

that’s completely okay, no worries or pressure on it at all!

thank you! you also, take care & stay safe!!

[rain dock]

One more thing ru

thank you for remembering me.
That really meant a lot to me.

[native sequoia]

i’m so sorry to go silent after that, i just got back home 😓

[native sequoia]

apologies to break the conversation off 😓

[native sequoia]

genuinely can’t think straight 😓

definitely not able to study or sleep and just texting is probably not gonna do much

i could sketch or write i guess

[smoky iris]

was lowkey gonna crash out and then a close friend messaged me 😓

just gonna keep dnd on for the next few days as that is more than likely the safest option for now

it’s okay we all good, genuinely love her though

[smoky iris]

i don’t wanna only ever talk when somethings wrong

[smoky iris]

actually thinking about it i really don’t want this year to end

sure a lot of stuff has happened and it may be a bit clear i haven’t been awesome or thought of things in that way for awhile

but i did genuinely meet the best people ever and i do really hope they’re doing well

i kind of just don’t wanna have to say i knew or used to talk to them knowing i still care and can’t forget the people i once knew

[smoky iris]

mainly trying to say i just don’t wanna have to think of anybody as a memory

like i don’t just constantly think about or decide i wanna go back to somebody i just remember stuff pretty often

and that just doesn’t really have an affect on me either way around, i can say i miss them in full honesty tho

[smoky iris]

on this it’s not nearly about the year itself it’s rather all together

but i don’t wanna try to talk to somebody knowing how unwell i’ve been recently and risk causing an issue or end up leaving somebody again

rather work on personal stuff and change and then i could worry about the rest

js still think that’s gonna end up causing me to go off all socials for awhile at a point

[smoky iris]

ok sorry yeah i’m gonna sleep

[smoky iris]

oh holy shit

server member just fucking dmed me and sends me a screenshot

“i found out she was 21 she flirted with me”

now i’m deadass stuck waiting on a response because all i was sent is “did you” and that

what the fuck

what the genuine fuck brooz

she still hasn’t responded uh

[smoky iris]

ok still no response

but i’m babysitting the child for the next hour or past so uh

[smoky iris]

it’s not a misunderstanding whatsoever

things are gonna get hella petty sorry

be deadass

be deadass.

i had no friends around then

[smoky iris]

how the fuck do i defend this

this isn’t even like

[smoky iris]

i just genuinely didn’t have people to talk to around them

the people i did knew my age

also adding only that group knew how i looked

so either somebody’s lying like hell or

there’s actually no or

just had to reactive that account and there’s still nothing on this situation

the only way i’m ever gonna get a real reply and explanation on this situation is by her herself

so essentially unless she doesn’t have proof on this i’m fucked

[smoky iris]

i thought if anything ever was to come out it’d be about somebody else

actually i’ll just put the screenshot because that sounds like i did something

on this it was an actual situation but i don’t know if she was nine considering she’s saying stuff about me that’s never happened

[smoky iris]

i genuinely don’t want this to be the truth just as i really trusted her for awhile and do still care about her

but the way that she left things off never involved age, she just said a lot of stuff about me in a non great manner

and i’ve never once told anybody i was above eighteen

[smoky iris]

involving nobody else could have a photo of me if they never knew how i looked regardless of age in this

four people out of that server knew how i looked

kind of forgot about m there but

otherwise the only other people were from last year or beyond it

there’s no way she has anything on this, i had nobody else who would of had a misunderstanding or issue with me

but what the fuck did i do that was so wrong I PERSONALLY became a target to her fucked up stuff

i knew i did a few things like the flirting as said and i was worried that’d come out and look wrong, but holy shit i never expected this

dude this was said in the server

[smoky iris]

a server with over fifteen thousand people that i never mattered in

so why am i getting publicly outed for something i never did

essentially saying it was nobody’s fucking concern??

and to tell some fucked up story about somebody else just so YOU look better than you’d ever be??

[feral meteor]

WAIT HUH

what did you do to deserve that 😿

[smoky iris]

idfk dude

[feral meteor]

wait hold on i needa catch up rq

on ths

[feral meteor]

is it just you??

or like a group

[smoky iris]

it’s like

she did say she never wanted to see me again so i left everything and i don’t fully know but i’m pretty sure its just me, i rejoined the server on callen over a month ago considering the game disappeared again and i left when it came back

[feral meteor]

wtf

i wish i could do sum

so whats happening now then ??

[smoky iris]

the chat went quiet with the person i was talking to about it 😓

[smoky iris]

also it’s all fine i swear

thank you though!!

[feral meteor]

you jus sounded worried so

[smoky iris]

i am but it’s okay 😞

[feral meteor]

okayy

🎀

[smoky iris]

also i’m sorry about this 😓

i didn’t mean it like that but it definitely sounds rude rethinking it

[feral meteor]

its okay

jus stay safe

[smoky iris]

thank you!! 😓

[smoky iris]

you too !

[smoky iris]

i’m sorry to break the conversation off here 😓

[smoky iris]

it just comes down to her having proof on this

which i can’t say she should have any, but you can very much fake chats

anyway the only thing that’s needed would technically be the photo as there’s no chance any of this happened

[smoky iris]

by this she has cursed on her side ykwim

she distanced herself from me for over a month before she sent me the messaging ending it

high chance if she wanted to lie she could fake whatever she wanted to

js pretty clear to tell with her in all honesty

anyway i think my best choice is asking about that when she’s able to talk and then figure out the rest if it continues

mostly just i don’t think she should have to ask about it even if she doesn’t mind

okay i’m gonna take a bit off from this 😓

[smoky iris]

this means ending the friendship*

[smoky iris]

decided i was gonna message tomorrow instead

pretty much there’s no way she has proof on something that never happened

i just don’t wanna be called a pedophile regardless of if i talk to them or not 😞

moving off of this for the moment i guess

[smoky iris]

i just like finished a conversation with a friend

i’ve been talking to them more often recently

as well as like three other people so we good

[smoky iris]

absolutely not.

that just

ok..

[smoky iris]

i watched my brothers child for over two hours and then went to my grandmothers and stayed with/helped her for maybe six

i wanna go back to sleep

[smoky iris]

i’m actually scared asf what does that email mean

[smoky iris]

yeah no

[smoky iris]

i still can’t really like write in an okay manner 😓

like pretty much i can understand what i’m reading normally but if i reply it’s gonna come off really unwell

no idea if that makes sense in any way

[smoky iris]

basically yes i could reply to anything at any time but it’s like i do lack common sense most of the time

and how i think of it is pretty much how i respond

regrets are beyond regrets sometimes

one day we’ll all just be somebody some once knew

[smoky iris]

moving onto a new topic i guess ? 😓

[smoky iris]

i’m pretty much back to being fine with texting people and using capitals to greet my friends which was my default response around three months ago, also adding i do fear i’m still friends with everybody from around then

i think getting back in contact with them was probably the best choice i’ve went through with this year

[smoky iris]

definitely still have server issues but outside of that we’re all fine

i do still ask if they’re okay most times but other than that it’s not related to our conversations and overall it’s okay!!

i did miss this in all honesty

i did leave the main account mostly basing it off of the issue with that person and stalking, as well as my mental state as it did partly downfall because of that and i didn’t want that to get involved

no idea what word i’m supposed to use there

otherwise i think that was the best time or fullest?
like everything was fully honest and there was never really a second thought on it

involving i think i joined the server a month after i turned thirteen so that was also never an issue

[smoky iris]

just learning i forgot to change the prompt

it’s okay it was only the default for maybe two weeks

[smoky iris]

this is gonna be so awkward oh my god

can i just be blocked

[smoky iris]

it’d be a pretty valid reason

like there’s genuinely no needed explanation on that side

i don’t mean this in a rude or upset manner i genuinely just don’t know what to say though

[smoky iris]

okay i’m gonna sleep i think

yeah okay goodnight 😓

[native sequoia]

i fear i’m still not home uh

my headphones died like four hours ago and my phones on twenty five 😓

kind of forgot i was in the wrong account

okay peace out

[smoky iris]

i got home at like eight fourty but my phone did die before that 😓

actually pretty well on time?

my brother did also go back home

[smoky iris]

we played outside for awhile but also did spend maybe an hour on snakeio and another game

i do personally still think being outside was better though

also we had around eight inches of snow then?

i only had my running shoes there but it’s okay we move on

what do i call those without it sounding so odd 😞

[smoky iris]

hii yo, happy/merry xmas if anybody here celebrates it !! 😓 wasn’t really sure how to term that but it’s all good ith!!

take care and stay safe i think

[smoky iris]

okay i’m prolly gonna fall asleep

yeah i think i should just try to sleep before that happens

okay yeah goodnight 😓

[smoky iris]

hihii saliyel!!

[rain dock]

Hi! I didn’t mean to bother you.

M- merry Christmas !🎄

[smoky iris]

it’s not a bother no worries at all, it’s also nice to see you again!!

[smoky iris]

you too!!

[smoky iris]

i fear i don’t wanna go to this

i hate that dude so much 😞

[smoky iris]

it’s okay it was all fine, deffinetly overwhelming though

i’m tired 😓

[smoky iris]

just going up to my grandparents house again

my brother messaged and asked if i wanted to go up and then said he’d be here in five so uh

not awesome time wise but okay

[smoky iris]

i fear i did just wake up

i could go back to bed, i did already sleep over sixteen hours though!!

[smoky iris]

yeah i should probably stay up

hi yo !!

[feral meteor]

hi yo!!!!!!!

🥹

[smoky iris]

HIII AIRHEAD!!

[feral meteor]

[smoky iris]

apologies to break this off here 😓

i fear i do have to be awake to go to the dentist in three hours

so that may say no sleeping all day 😞

high chance i randomly fall asleep though, mostly because i’ve been zoning out and hella out of it overall

pretty much fine otherwise ithink

on actual updates or matters i did buy a keyboard so i’m able to go back to playing monitor wise

which says my lag won’t be as bad or involved at all as it’s mostly my phones connection that causes an issue, although it’s been over a year, we’re horrid

hi also evade COOKED me no freaking thank you

oh on like a different online topic

time change oops

[smoky iris]

i think two days after this i did talk to the owner which is ari

we talk in dms pretty often and were speaking about a topic like it just so it wasn’t fully random

i did talk to her about the rue part and she was fully fine with it and just glad things were better

which promise i did know things would be well or fine on that side otherwise i wouldn’t get back into contact with somebody in the first place

okay i’m gonna charge my phone and try to sleep 😓

[feral meteor]

pineappl epen

[smoky iris]

hiii i’m so sorry, i went to sleep after i got home, it’s swag though right? 😓

[feral meteor]

IT IS

ridiculous amounts of swag

[smoky iris]

THANK YOU!!

[native sequoia]

kindd of forgetting to keep this account active apologies 😓

it’s all fine, i do still talk to people here so i’ll try to worry about it more though

[smoky iris]

the discord status updates are screwing me upplease

EVEN IF YOU WRITE IT OFFLINE IT UPDATES THEM

this is SO beyond fuckass

[feral meteor]

SO TRUE

[smoky iris]

THANK YOU!!

[feral meteor]

YOUR WELCOME I THINK

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1265548924723265577/1330140727446994965/ezgif.com-animated-gif-maker_8.gif

[smoky iris]

awesome uh gif or sticker

[feral meteor]

appreciate it

🥹

[smoky iris]

this is not uh

not a new year new me year but i can say i wont repeat most of my mistakes again!!

i think now is an appropriate time to go off the grid though 🤔

[smoky iris]

i do not have the mindset to deal with arguments or debates you all are getting a sticker and we’re ALL moving on

i fear i’m getting over the long lived sickness so that pretty much says i’m able to mess up my sleeping days

horrid past four days thank you though..

it’s okay i live to stay awake

[smoky iris]

hi that whole group was a hell send let’s be real

in NO way do i miss it or want to keep contact with anyone from it

i don’t even think about any of you all on normal terms, just bringing random shit back

literally literally literally literally literally literally literally

[smoky iris]

i’m sorry i’m lowkey not sure if i can forward this specific/direct message but uh 😓

[smoky iris]

there is NO way this is the same as calling somebody a weirdo and blocking them

ps involve far BEFORE this she publicly outed my real age just to drag the situation and get her attention as it wasn’t related whatsoever

we haven’t been in contact since she said that, yet a week after she decided i was a twenty one year old and a pedophile after her somehow

i’d love to say this was planned but she changed her storyline hella late, and i’m not actually sure in all honesty

i literally do not see why this is happening at all

its actually disheartening how nobody really tried to get both sides

[smoky iris]

i can also pretty much assume nobody asked for proof on the situation either if they do still believe it

so that does pretty much sum up all of those friendships

it’s okay i absolutely forced myself to love the people i was around, and that is also why i’m sick of their presence

i never cared as much as i wanted or tried to

[feral meteor]

this is so so odd

i didnt think something on discord would be so serious 😞

[smoky iris]

no that’s real

when i had to send it a friend just straight up said “Oh wow” and the recent response was absolutely cooking it for being chat gpt

i had NO idea what half of those words meant i have to be honest

[feral meteor]

wait was it someone who sent thjat message to you

[smoky iris]

uh..

[feral meteor]

or the other way round

[smoky iris]

the same person who is telling everybody i’m twenty one sent it to me before she blocked me 😓

[feral meteor]

thats so weird

how old are they

[smoky iris]

THIRTEEN..

to be fair she told me she was thirteen when she was twelve but told me the truth on her birthday

[feral meteor]

they're clearly not emotionally intelligent at all

"clingy and obsessed" feels like such a wrong thing to say about you especially

god forbid people just have friends

[smoky iris]

seven months ago in that same server she had an entire speech about how i was an attention seeker

i really just shouldn’t of involved myself in it

[feral meteor]

year long grudge is actually insane

[smoky iris]

genuinely though

[feral meteor]

i think what matters most is that you're taking is as maturely as possible

[smoky iris]

thank you for understanding and for responding airh!!

[feral meteor]

yes

having a negative mindset like them all the time is childish and honestly wrong

[smoky iris]

in a serious sense i do really appreciate you and like talking to you regardless of the topic

i’m sorry it’s mostly like this though 😓

[smoky iris]

that’s fully true

[feral meteor]

the feeling is very mutual but thanks

[feral meteor]

following from this i got into an argument yesterday because two people were playing unfairly against me and kept taunting me

but i just ignored them and realised i'm probably happier than them to begin with which is why they were after me

negativity comes from a lack of positivity so i wont let them make it my problem

[smoky iris]

sometimes choosing peace over reaction is the better choice

[feral meteor]

a majority of the time people do it just to get a reaction

[smoky iris]

kind of a sad reality in a way but i do see and understand that

[smoky iris]

be real though if i wasn’t a teenager i for sure wouldn’t be spending my time on DISCORD and if anything i’d at least take hikes n shit

y’all fucked if you think i don’t have plans for life

i’m lowkey gonna fall asleep but uh

[smoky iris]

hi no i have my old mm2 videos downloaded on the computer i just let my brother use

one of the cringiest things i’ve ever done was play that game in all honesty

[feral meteor]

so glad I didn't have a phase for mm2..

[smoky iris]

right..

[native sequoia]

i absolutely need a reason to dislike somebody before we end contact otherwise i’m gonna continue to think of them

it’s never anything weird, i just worry about how they’re doing

but it does take months if i ever pass the thought

[feral meteor]

maybe its best if you tell yourself talking to them more will hurt you

[native sequoia]

that does sound right

thank you airhead!! 😓

[native sequoia]

its become a running joke

oh yeah i bought a new necklace

i dunno if i actually said the chain broke but it did on likeee.. monday?

which was one of the three i wear daily so in my opinion it did look weird without it

[native sequoia]

ooh yeah i have to go back on friday to get sealants on my second molars

[native sequoia]

guys the song IS released

i still love bellakay to be real

[native sequoia]

yikes bloxston mystery is back up

shall we wait for it to get copyrighted again or watch the players die down

[native sequoia]

i kind of fear some friendships are too far gone and it’s time to let go

i promise i’m not as insufferable as i’ve seemed throughout the last year

but i know i shouldn’t have to explain the intent behind every action

[feral meteor]

IMSUFFERABLE???

[native sequoia]

HII AIR..

[feral meteor]

hii

[native sequoia]

i didn’t know you were online woah

[feral meteor]

you're not insufferable you're just reassuring

maybe you just struggle to read others

and feel the need to reassure them

or make your point clear

[native sequoia]

thank you 😞

[feral meteor]

of course

u can continue 🥹

[native sequoia]

ookay thank you!!

you can always talk though, no worries

[feral meteor]

I know but I'm not gonna reply every single time u talk here

then it would be

zerz/airhead/journal

[native sequoia]

it’s okay 😓

if you ever want to say something it’ll always be okay with me

[feral meteor]

of course

[native sequoia]

no pressure on that at all, just do what you want to tho!!

[feral meteor]

but what makes you think you're insufferable tho!!!!!

[native sequoia]

i think in the past years sense it’s more of rereading what i’ve said before and noticing the patterns that come off pressuring to others or really just wrong in general

[feral meteor]

if i were to guess i would say they just don't understand you enough so it simply confuses them when you feel the need to elaborate yourself

[native sequoia]

thank you for understanding and replying!!

[native sequoia]

apologies to break this off here 😓

this past week has really just been studying and sleeping tho

it’s not really been about being busy but i’ve just been lost with responding to things

[native sequoia]

i kind of lost the idea on what i was saying here but this is moreover a still thought rather than a promise i can keep up to

i really just constantly apologize for late replies throughout every conversation and continue to start my messages off with “i’m so sorry but”

it’s not even about being awkward it’s rather just being as annoying as possible

[feral meteor]

-# reassuring cough

[native sequoia]

i appreciate you still meaning it 😓

it’s noted promise, thank you air!!

[native sequoia]

in all honesty i think it’s rather just time for me personally to move on

it’s more of like

uhh

it’s always been a personal issue rather than it ever being the people i’ve been around, and i completely understand that but i can’t keep wondering what if i had acted differently or did things differently

adding it isn’t really about still being young yet it kind of is in a way, i have a lot of personal stuff to catch up on as well and or work on

annnmd yea no i wanna do better in life then my odds would put me at if i keep working on things as i’ve been

[native sequoia]

mainly saying i’m gonna try to dedicate less time to online matters and move on to studying and personal stuff

not nearly sure if that makes any sense but oka!!

[native sequoia]

i’m just goingback home

just put me through the shredder atp brooz

[native sequoia]

why’d both people view my profile within the timerangre of an hour

do i delete the account or ignore

keep your friends and leave me out of it please

respectuflly there’s not much i can actually leave

[native sequoia]

hayden still posts

it’s more of vlogs and roblox games with friends now but it’s super nice to see she’s doing well!!

[native sequoia]

not really sure how to part this but alright

onto a new topic or matter

[native sequoia]

i care about a lot of people, but it’s really just like i hold regard for them instead of consider them a friend

like sure i worry about how the people i know or care for are doing, altho it’s more of a past versus present thing

[native sequoia]

as in i don’t nearly miss them or wanna talk, i just hope they’re doing well as themselves

really just been like that for awhile

although i do really have a habit of saying i miss people it’s kind of just been like saying it knowing i dread talking to almost everybody

lowkey tired but okay back to that

i really just can’t worry about it anymore

not that i don’t want to, but i genuinely can’t past thinking of it a few times a day

everything gets to a point eventually

i feel like that’s kind of the issue 😓

[native sequoia]

awkward

i keep misspelling that fuckass word

back to the point trust

[feral meteor]

cricket noise

[native sequoia]

status updates arr lowkey scary

HI

HII..

cooked

fried

[native sequoia]

hi airhead!!

[feral meteor]

im gonna cry u alwqayss sound so astonished

[native sequoia]

STOP..

it’s nice to see you tho!!! 😓

[feral meteor]

yes ofc

[feral meteor]

oh that makes sense

[native sequoia]

NO

in what way..

[feral meteor]

it would explain why we dont talk alot

its not really your fault if thats what your brain is telling you

[native sequoia]

i promise i do wanna talk to you tho

i was really basing it off of recent like

stuff

i really don’t mind talking to people it’s just very awkward to start talking to somebody if you can’t really keep up to it

[feral meteor]

imo its really cool to have friends you can just be bored with together

instead of feeling like you should be entertaining the other person

[native sequoia]

all of what i said was more of how i’ve felt about it throughout the past few months

i stepped back from most people around a week ago

although learning i don’t exactly care as much as i thought and how i view things in that sense probably isn’t gonna change

although i’m more stable and doing better

truly just peace in it beside how it seems

[native sequoia]

that’s completely fair

also i’m genuinely so sorry about the late response on this, i slept and completely forgot about it

[native sequoia]

absolutely cooked my grandma is sharing ai posts

um

ok!!

[feral meteor]

must have been the wind

[native sequoia]

i think so yeah..

[feral meteor]

[native sequoia]

HIIII AIR!!

[feral meteor]

hii

[native sequoia]

hiii yo!!

i don’t really know what to ask

uh

[feral meteor]

ai kinda sucks but the doorstep povs of cats blowing up the front door is pretty funny

[native sequoia]

i don’t exactly know if i’ve seen those 😓

[feral meteor]

if you could be any insect

what

[native sequoia]

uh

double it and you answer it

[feral meteor]

they so funny

okok

I choose

stag beetle and praying mantis

[native sequoia]

awesome yo

[feral meteor]

I think u radiate like

dragonfly energy

take fhat as you will

[native sequoia]

those actually scare me like a lot uh

i personally don’t think i’m a bug or insect fan

[feral meteor]

even fooled me

[native sequoia]

spiders are swag tho!!

[feral meteor]

yes!!!

its ok they're not insects they're arachnids

2 different things

I mean

arachnids ot insdcts

[native sequoia]

okay!! 😓

[native sequoia]

i think that’s a good thing so thank you?? 😓

[feral meteor]

yes ofc

[feral meteor]

I MEANT THEYRE ARACHN8DS

sorry

scorpions are also arachnids which is hella cool

[native sequoia]

i think those are one of the few things i’d rather not have to meet in my lifetime but they’re very cool in like fantasy

[feral meteor]

honestly I don't even know if America has scorpions.. I would guess so because a big country means a LOT of different creepy crawlies

I think u should br more worried abt spiders anyway

anyways I'm gonna get going to college but take care droooopl

[native sequoia]

ookay take care and stay safe!!

& thank you!! 😓

[native sequoia]

i think my chat got locked with some of my connections 😓

woooah..

hiiii ko!!

it’s nice to see you again!!

[native sequoia]

i got the email saying sttaichrt deleted

!!

i have no idea what else i was gonna say

[feral meteor]

CONGRADUATION

[native sequoia]

HIII THANK YOU??

[feral meteor]

omg thats the first time u ever did a ping reply

is this character development???

[native sequoia]

i’m trying to 😓

[feral meteor]

good job 🗣️ 🗣️

[native sequoia]

thank you air!!

[native sequoia]

my shoulder does indeed still hurt

i’m gonna be cooked tomorrow

[native sequoia]

so i think there’s a thing called communication, and with that you don’t always need to make your status or bio super directed to somebody if you can’t be direct you really don’t have to broadcast it to everyone!!

it’s literally just so odd to have to see sorry man

[feral meteor]

I admit that I do this sometimes but I agree with u

[native sequoia]

it’s okay twin i get it 😞

[native sequoia]

sometimes people gotta be silent man

[native sequoia]

fake it till you make it yo!!

[native sequoia]

i think i still partly miss how i had acted before i got so worried about trying to change

i for sure wasn’t really understanding and i was really immature, but i was still young

i don’t miss how i had been in that sense, but i miss caring for people without the constant worry of everything, realistic or not

i think growing up was always the issue i noticed and needed to fix

because everything i had an issue with truly would of been self learned with that time

probably would of been better to take a minute to think instead of personally forcing what i thought was right onto myself and terming it as learning, when in reality it was just a mess all together

it’s okay we can laugh about ts now

[native sequoia]

deleted all playlists, just gotta organize new ones now!!

[native sequoia]

i don’t think the nausea has gone away whatsoever

[native sequoia]

i can get ignored for hours on end, & then the moment my status involves anything about leaving or letting go? instant message asking about who it’s directed to, or what it means

iist leave me alone please dude

keep YOUR friends and leave me alone

[feral meteor]

literally the text version of selective hearing 😞

[native sequoia]

that’s right 😓

thank you for understanding & replying

[native sequoia]

actually voided

i wanna go to sleep 😞

hihii koko!!

[native sequoia]

okay goodnight yo!!

[native sequoia]

hi??

i donot know how to reply to this at all

[feral meteor]

was it really this deep if it even confused you 😞

[native sequoia]

i don’t really know to be fair..

[native sequoia]

literally been watching the same live for four hours i feel like a discord mod

[native sequoia]

i lowkey should of did an all nighter

yeah 😓

[feral meteor]

ren and pineapple pen having a conversation with drol rn

[native sequoia]

fsfs

at least i’m not talking to myself

[feral meteor]

you tell em queen

or king

i don't think there's a gender neutral version

miss pineapple pen tho

[native sequoia]

jayds/journal

[native sequoia]

i really need to stop wasting my time on most people i do

my patience is just getting lower by each conversation and that’s annoying me more then having them

[feral meteor]

bless you can't catch a break at all

[native sequoia]

also i’m so sorry about how long it’s been, i hope you’ve been alright? 😞

[feral meteor]

YES OFC

reaching out on a daily basis has just been a bit exhausting

not saying u need to

[native sequoia]

completely get it, i’m sorry i haven’t reached out though

[feral meteor]

its ok its ok

[native sequoia]

thank you airh!! 😞

[serene condor]

hi wait can i still talk here orno..

oh man

i can!!!

this is really awkward actually

so um i was lowkey just gonna update this because i knew i left it off really badly but i’m still as uninteresting as i used to be 😓✌️

[native sequoia]

rues/journal

[serene condor]

i miss my husband

that’s ari by the way she’s really cool

[serene condor]

okay wait genuinely why do people put their sexuality in their bio

like are u trying to od or is your personality just about how you’re lesbian..

[feral meteor]

definitely the second one

[serene condor]

HI AIR???

[feral meteor]

hii

omg it's an honor to be here again

[serene condor]

hi!!!!!

[feral meteor]

[serene condor]

so uuuh what’s up!!! 🤔

[feral meteor]

uhhh

i js drank orange juice

and cereal

[serene condor]

awesome!!!

it’s nine for you right?? 😓 😓

[feral meteor]

yes!!!

hows it going for u

[serene condor]

okay!!! i just got back home

[feral meteor]

yay!!

[cold dirge]

dude i LOVE trueblood

sorry i genuinely don’t know how to break chats off.. 😓

it seems rude to just move on but i feear it’s a bit odd to say “moving on!!” just to say one sentence

imo of course

[cold dirge]

erruh

[cold dirge]

i really want a pocket knife

i used to have one but i kind of lost it

i’ll get one next week

[cold dirge]

hi i did NOT know i still had this???

i-i uh.. kinda maybe have a c-crush on you..

gutters dude i genuinely don’t remember she exists most of the time

[cold dirge]

oh my god i hate roblox

they fucked up the vampire animation

[cold dirge]

i’m tired

i’m gonna take a break

[cold dirge]

uuuh

sort of back as i’m getting better despite still being really overly emotional 😓

even though healing is also getting over your regrets, i sort of wish i just said i wasn’t over them and took a break to do so rather than self keeping it so i wouldn’t of lost them entirely😓

it’s okay anyway i’ve met new people who value me as a person in their life, and are open with communication

[cold dirge]

thay sounds slightly bad but in no way is this directed towards them, i was never really great at it either.

[cold dirge]

i hate migraines i wanna cry

[cold dirge]

maybe if i just ignore it happened i can convince myself it didn’t

i pray they like despise my guts to the point that they don’t think about it

[cold dirge]

really contemplating doing an all nighter or sleeping

[cold dirge]

i ended up taking a cold shower

i reallly like the cold actually

[cold dirge]

i very vividly remember taking a painkiller out and putting it by my water but i don’t remember actually swallowing it

uuum

but like i have to check the oven three to four times to make sure i turned it off when i cook just because i do NOT remember ANY important details in my life

horror

i have really good memory with dates and stuff but i cannot focus for shit outside of that

[cold dirge]

i have to remake the strawpage it makes me feel like a loser

giggled i still have a “is kyle a hottie” gimmic

i don’t think he remembers it

[cold dirge]

yes i have the words right

i was not aware i had the default prompt.

[cold dirge]

oh wai t i thought i had ask to dm on

eitherway random people dm me from here so i’m afraid it doesn’t matter the most

[cold dirge]

i just took my last baby tooth out

i have no caines anymore…. (Yes they’re gonna grow back) but PLEASE brooz

[cold dirge]

i ended up finding this it was still at my water bottle

i’m gonna go back to watching youtube

[cold dirge]

i’m beyond tired

good night brooz

[cold dirge]

cramps fucking SUCK i feel like my guts got ripped out

but that’s pussy behavior as ariana once said…

no lesbianism but i love her she’s really cool

[cold dirge]

genuinely maul me please

outside of fictions that’s hot

ts is not

IT’D ATLEAST BE ENJOYABLE

[cold dirge]

i’m back down to 84 photos 😓✌️

over seventy percent of them are screenshots considering i just deleted all pictures of our dogs

[cold dirge]

i have NO idea why i took so many screenshots back then

i was insufferable as shit wow

i remember i had over 1200 screenshots at one point

i’ve outlived that…

[cold dirge]

a lot worse from now at least i think

[feral meteor]

𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓸

[cold dirge]

WHY THE FONT…

[cold dirge]

hi air!!!!!!!

[feral meteor]

i had to break the mood somehow

drool my child

https://tenor.com/view/cartman-monk-gif-1940673257773281694

i release you of your 1200 screenshots

[cold dirge]

i’m crine

[cold dirge]

thank you ily

[feral meteor]

okay that was all hows it going

[cold dirge]

awesome!!!! thank you

how have you been?

[feral meteor]

sweeeet

i slept from like half 2 to 7 but im ok!!

[cold dirge]

that’s not really awesome but i’m glad you’re doing okay otherwise!!! 😓 😓

i hope college goes well!!!

[feral meteor]

[cold dirge]

giggled i saw that

awesome emoji though

[feral meteor]

i understand i'll just delete discord

[cold dirge]

NO???

please don’t ily

[cold dirge]

crying i joined bloxston and saw gabriel

i left and changed my display to suulttn because i got scared

I DIDDNT WANNA CHANGE IT

[cold dirge]

I DID BECAUSE IT WAS RUE AND PEOPLE KNOW ME AS THAT

i didn’t even plan on rejoining that was so stupid

[cold dirge]

dude i genuinely don’t think i saw that thread when it was made..

[cold dirge]

i lowkey just made a REALLY cool friend

we played for like an hour and they just left now

i uuuh fixed my settings so i can go back to calling with people now

i like calling and playing i just find it horribly awkward to ask people to so i don’t really often…

[cold dirge]

i’m tired

i was at my grandparents farm for around five hours

my brother was there tho!!

it was nice to see him anyway

[cold dirge]

aaron branch is lowkey my spirt i love him

I DO GLAZE PEOPLE I HAVE AN INTEREST IN BUT HES GENUINELY REALLY COOL

i love all panel members on the kls thouugh

[cold dirge]

i wanna go back to sleep brooz 😓✌️

my pupils were really dilated around ten and i had ahorrible headache so i decided sleeping it off would be the best choice but i’m regretting that now

i get migraines really often but i’ve had a headache since the start of the day

imo im gonna say that’s worse for me just because its been forever 🥹

[serene condor]

i love women

[cold dirge]

dude i genuinely don’t know if they sleep

we could just have different timezones

they messaged me an hour ago and we talked for a bit but i have no idea

[cold dirge]

THEY’RE ALWAYS ACTIVE THO

[feral meteor]

who is this random

[cold dirge]

i dunno man imagine…

[feral meteor]

omg you're really going through everything

[cold dirge]

why are we reading up…

NO BUT HI AIRHEAD ITS NICE TO SEE YOU???

[feral meteor]

i was in the middle of watching something and tabbed out nd responded to the first thing that stuck out 😓

[feral meteor]

you too drool hi

hows it going!!!!

[cold dirge]

giggled okay

[cold dirge]

it’s been awesome!! how are you? 🤔