#Jacob's random things

316 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

muted owl
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Well, aint this start of something :p

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This is all my recent art

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Idk why, its just getting hard for me to keep attention in class, but like i dont think i have adhd or anything. Or maybe i just dont know about it

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So i just draw

muted owl
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Itd be nice to make some money though, since i plan on moving out at like 19, which with todays prices is quite a dream đŸ„€

trim mantle
muted owl
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first would be free

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xd

muted owl
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why are relationships and like human contacts so complicated đŸ„€

trim mantle
muted owl
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but im not 😭

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im glad im surviving

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its just, idk. I have a girl i like, but its complicated, since she is my classmate, and if anything would fuck up or something, i would have to be in the same class for another 4 years, which is a really bad situation

trim mantle
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yeah that would be awkward...

muted owl
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so uh... its saturday yipee, i thought id have some peace, since school is kinda rough (and itll be even worse) but of course, i have to tidy and mow the lawn 😔 bro im happy im surviving

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i know im just lazy, and that this is basically nothing, but i feel like im happy that im even sitting up

trim mantle
muted owl
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no, just my room, but i cant even get myself to do it

muted owl
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Soo, yesterday i did absolutely nothing. I thought id feel better today, after having a day of rest, i called with a friend for like 4 hours, it was great, but no, im feeling as shit as ever. I dont think i can do it, even if its just... general stuff, i feel so weak, and useless. Like i just cant get myself to do anything. I dont even feel like im trying, i dont know, maybe i just gave up and i dont even know it, i feel so bad tho, i know everyone has it worse, that my problems are essentially nothing, i know comparing myself to others problems is not a good thing to do, but even not comparing... I just dont have any reason to be like this. I hate my lifestyle, i dont do anything, i dont go out, and everything is just so shit :(

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also my friend is doing bad :( i dont know her personally, she might be reading this, and if yes, I care about you so much. I hate to see her hurting, and i hate even more that i cant help in any way

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Anyways... now imma yap about how the school is shit. Idk what its called in other countries, but im going to middle school now, or 10th grade. Its weird, everything new, new school, new classmates, new teachers... also i have to go by bus to school, which is idk... its not ideal :d man, was it simple walking to school was like 12 minutes, now like 40 minutes 😔 and the bus is always full, its really uncomfortable, i hate dealing with people, and its all these weird, old people sometimes brushing against you and everything and its so ew. My classmates are really weird, there are 30 people in my class, which 28 are boys, because im going to like programming, computer stuff school. theyre... weird. Everyone there are those fuckboys, vapers, smoking weed, or footballers, and ego maniacs. But not all hope is lost! the two girls are really nice. I got instagram from one of them, and were kinda chatting everyday, i really like her. Maybe a bit more than i should, its been only three weeks, and i think i have a bit of a crush on her, not so amazing when shes in the same class as me

trim mantle
muted owl
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naw im cooked

trim mantle
# muted owl naw im cooked

Take whatever relationship slow and only start anything serious when you know you can marry her! ❀ You got this!!

muted owl
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no point in trying, it would come by itself

trim mantle
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Yep!

muted owl
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I feel so useless, i can't even get out of bed

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How am i supposed to do all that stuff

trim mantle
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You got this Kyorenn!

muted owl
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So uh... Relationship things are so fucking complicated đŸ„€

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Um, i'm kinda texting again with my "ex" if i can even call it that. I know her for like... Two years? I think, maybe even more. We we're kinda friends with benefits i guess, we we're friends, we stopped ralking a few times, then on 17.7. we started talking again, and on 19.7. at 2 am we got in a relationship, though an online one, we never met. Andd the relationship ended two weeks later, because i talk too much, my friends said i should break up, to like solve my own mental things etc... And so i did, blockingnher everywhere, and all this without a real.. reason, i dont know if i regret the fact that i broke up, but i hate how easily affected i am by friends. Well, a month later i texted her, i apologized about me just blocking her, not saying anything, we didnt really talk much after, like a week or so of nothing, and now yesterday night, we talked for an hour and a half straight. And i'm just so idk, this, the thing with my classmate, everything is so complicated :( i just wish i would have someone to hug and yap to, but no, it has to be all complicated and shit

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Anyways monday again. I'm on the bus rn and i'm kinda dying 😭 i had pretty okay sleep though, like 7 hours i think, and i'm still really dying

muted owl
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School is boring af 😔

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My friend told me im sending her too much reels, its the girl i like the classmate, and like... I dont know if she wants me to leave her alone, i feel so annoying, again :(

muted owl
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I feel like my friends are getting tired of me

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That i'm too annoying, always texting and sending shit

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I just need attention, but ig i need too much of it

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I hate it, and myself

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Why cant i just shut up and leave them alone

muted owl
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ive reached another mind block, or whatever this shit is. Anything i draw i hate

muted owl
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Well.. now i'm just surprised. Its still getting worse and worse, and i thought it was bad. I'm getting a bit sick, but not enough to skip school, and i'm feeling extremely shit. Its also raining of course, and i'm writing a test in math

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And its just

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I still dont have a reason to feel bad

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To be basically dying in real time

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But still, i'm here and complainng about every little thing

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When probably everyone around me has it so worse

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I just wish i could die

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I dont want to be here

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But i know myself, and that i wouldn't do it myself

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I have no idea how i'll get through this

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Or rather, if i even will

trim mantle
muted owl
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im dying in real time fr

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im so

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sadioasdjg

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idk

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i feel so foggy

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and blurry

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both my vision and mind

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i cant focus on things, like everything i see feels blurry

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and i dont know if im going blind or what

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im also forgetting alot

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and i feel overall so

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well i just feel shit

muted owl
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got a 4, or a D today, like the second worst grade, how fantastic...

image.png
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it just keeps getting worse and worse

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and i dont know how

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and worse, how will i even survive

muted owl
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im having weird thoughts

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like

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suicidal

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i just want this to end

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i dont see any point in my life

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anything to live for

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its just

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everyday wake up, survive, go to sleep

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over and over

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i mean, i know i wont kill myelf

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myself

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but like, its so often by now, the thoughts i mean

muted owl
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im writing a test tommorow, from the same thing i got the bad grade

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im so cooked

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i literally dont remember writing my notes

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but i did

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the only thing keeping me alive

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is the "ex" her name is natalie

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we text all day again

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i think im kinda falling for her again

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and i feel so dependent

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and also stupid

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it didnt work out so many times

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we stopped talking like 4 times

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and i return

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again

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i know

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that it wont work out

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i know ill probably just get hurt in the end

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and even then

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i get back

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its so stupid :( i am so stupid

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we cant even meet

muted owl
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I feel shit

muted owl
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I can't even get myself to shower

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I'm a failure

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And all this is just... Without a reason

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I can't say why im like this

trim mantle
# muted owl I'm a failure

Your not a failure, you just going through a tough time. Relationships fall and rise with time. Just gotta trust this will all work out for good in the end

muted owl
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Yeah i dont

muted owl
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I feel so fucking stupid

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No i dont feel it, i am fucking stupid

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I hate myself

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I hate everything in this world

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I just want it to end

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Why do i never fucking learn

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I just want to kill myself, but i know i'm too useless to do even that

trim mantle
subtle trout
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I mean it.

muted owl
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There is nothing beautiful in my life

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It never was

muted owl
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I still can't force myself to shower. I'm so gross

muted owl
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So uh

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I was talking with natalie yesterday

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And i dont know, i feel like a fucking moron

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After everything i say to myself, that i dont want to date her, that online relationships are shit, after everything i still love her

trim mantle
muted owl
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30 mins away by car

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Yes

muted owl
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Why are relationships, or friendships and everything so hard:(

trim mantle
trim mantle
muted owl
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Why is everything so loud

muted owl
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the new school is weird

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well, school itself is.. school, but my classmates are weird

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one of my classmates overdosed with anti depressives :)

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hes alive

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but like

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i dont know, i had different expectations

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since im on a programming school, i thought there would be more nerds, or like... yknow.

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but no, everyone is sporting, vaping, or smoking weed, and everyone is so super "cool" and then theres me

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special as always :d

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i mean, im glad that im not like them, but i just feel like an impostor there

muted owl
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bro. Goth mommies 😔

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not recovering

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😭

muted owl
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Sleep is getting optional

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Today i had uh... 5 hours? Something like that. Still better than some of my friends though

trim mantle
muted owl
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😔 i just wanna sleep

muted owl
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New drawings

IMG_20250926_111525.jpg 7093e5ab-5632-4fc8-882d-daa9f9b619cb.jpg
muted owl
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im having weird thoughts again

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i dont know how to describe it

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anyways, i hate the school

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why tf is a programming school also sports heavy

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i have programming and pe both 2 times a week

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i hate pe, bcs im useless, i dont move

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and the teacher is my class teacher, and i hate her

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shes so annoying

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always telling me im doing something wrong

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bcs i am

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i know it

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but i dont want to train some volleyball

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were running alot

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every hour so far

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i hate it

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im the worst in the group, except a girl

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everyone plays fucking football and stuff

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but me

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im special of course

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fucking bullshit

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programming school that focuses on anything but programming

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i have programming two times a week

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like what the fuck

muted owl
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very cool desktop frfr 😎

image.png
muted owl
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im feeling weird again

muted owl
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i still feel weird :(

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its not really going away, as it usually does

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bro i just wanna

dull fiber
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Me fr

muted owl
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well, this is a bit weird

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i sometimes have this weird, almost like derealized feeling, or like, something feels off

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i had this for a long time, but it always went away after i slept

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but now its not

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the last three days something like that im feeling super weird

muted owl
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pinterest is wild

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too many hot girls 😔

dull fiber
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You reminded me that today a kids computer was brought to the it office cause he was looking up porn on it

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Kinda clever too, got around our blocks by using internet archive

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Shame we need to block it cause that’s a pretty useful tool

muted owl
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Well thats interesting 😭

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Anyways, i slept pretty ok for once, and i'm dying even more than with 5 hrs

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🙂

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Imma crashout soon

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I have pe today too

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And two hours of math

muted owl
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Everybody is leaving me on read or just ignoring me, maybe i'm too annoying

muted owl
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Pe now

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I hope a nuclear bomb will fall on the teachers head

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I hate pe, and i hate her

muted owl
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i survived

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yay

muted owl
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im procrastinating

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i have a presentation to do. I wanted to be creative and make it different, but it doesnt follow some stupid rules the teacher gave us, have to make it like a fucking machine so i dont get a bad grade, because god forbid a kid could use their fucking imagination

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so ill be remaking it

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everything has to have so many stupid rules, even programming

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you gotta do everything their way, because else its wrong

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and theyre right of course

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because they know everything

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i thought the programming teacher was okay, but we will maybe write a programming test on paper 🙂

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bro do even people use their fucking brains?

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its there for a reason

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everything is just so stupid

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im not some fucking machine to follow rules of some stupid people

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society can go fuck itself

muted owl
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astrobangers fr

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anyways, im kinda amazed

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the teachers are already crashing out

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😭

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like brother, a month of school passed, and theyre already so salty

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one teacher straight up stopped teaching us. Said workbook pages 8-9, we write a test next hour

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and just sat there for the rest of the hour

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also, i have horrible classmates

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weirdos

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nvm this is

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crazy song

subtle trout
muted owl
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I'm Proud of myself

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My parents got a treadmill, so i tried it.

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And like yk worked out actually 😎

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Thoughhh idk if i'll keep it on, but i hope so

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Like if ill continue

muted owl
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When i wake up i feel disappointed

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Sometimes i just dont want to wake up

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Why is everything so fast. I go through a shit school day, and suddenly i find myself in bed, with another shitty day before me

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I'm just so... Tired, i guess. And its been only a month of school, and i'm basically dead, how am i even gonna survive this

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But its so weirddd, in the morning i feel so shit, then i feel pretty ok, and randomly i feel shit again and it changes so often

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I can say i have things to live for, and that i want to die the same day

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And i dont get it

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Anyways, today i have 7 hours, two of them are technical practice, i'm so not looking forward to it

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Also i absolutely hate pe, the teacher is just so.... Ahhh

muted owl
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im getting mad randomly, like from random shit

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i hate it

muted owl
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my brain is fried crispy brown 😔

muted owl
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i dont know how i feel

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i started doing something

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with myself

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im learning to program by myself, and i started working out

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but im feeling like shit

muted owl
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Nah bro, i'm feeling shit af, but my mom wont leave me home untill i lose a leg or smth

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I mean something is very wrong when i went to sleep at 6pm, when i drank an energy drink 4 hours before

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But unlucky i guess, she doesnt care

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Also my pe teacher is sucha bitch

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I dont know, she just has something against me, because i'm not playing football i guess, or rather because i'm not a sport person

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Anyways like i started high school i have the field of IT, but the school is everything but it, for some fucking reason its focused on the electrotechnic part, and i hate it, like manual shit with cables etc... I'm fucking useless in that, i thought it would be about programming when its field of IT but noo

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I have 2 hours of programming a week

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🙂

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So i started learning at home

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And i'll just kinda

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Pass

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School

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Somehow

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And be happy

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Okay i wont be happy, i hate every single thing about the school

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But i wont change schools

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Its not like its going to be better anywhere else

muted owl
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here we go again

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i started making music

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yay

subtle trout
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Nice.

muted owl
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Anything i send in the main chat, i just get ignored

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Always

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Too bad for me i guess

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I dont really have any friends

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Well, one friend, who mostly doesnt even replx

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Reply

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Im lonely

muted owl
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nvm, not everyone is ignoring me, a pedophile texted me"

image.png
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how fun

wooden kernel
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oh well this is kinda late 😕

subtle trout
subtle trout
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HELLO COMRADES

muted owl
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im tired

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idk why i keep getting back here, when most ignore me anyway

wooden kernel
muted owl
wooden kernel
muted owl
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lonely, but otherwise yeah, could be worse

wooden kernel
muted owl
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yeah, that would be nice actually

muted owl
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I lost my keys

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What a nice day

subtle trout
muted owl
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i left them in my locker, so they were in school

subtle trout
muted owl
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I kinda wanna kill myself

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not even kinda. I really want to, but there is js something in my mind blocking me, and i hate it

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Recently my girlfriend broke up with me, and just kinda disappeared, so, i don't really have anything to live for anymore anyway

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School sucks too. I hate everyone, everything, and i just wish i got the courage to do it

muted owl
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I'm tired

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I can't get it out of my head

muted owl
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I wish i had the courage to do it

muted owl
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I'm having weird thoughts again. I was finally feeling good for like, three days, And Now i'm just a mess again

steep wigeon
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Idk if you want this message, probably not so feel free to ignore it. But try not to let the thoughts get to you, if you can’t stay here for yourself then do it for others, for your future. It’s rough right now and it feels like there’s no way out but it won’t always be like that. You’re young and yes experienced a lot but you shouldn’t take your life or anything like that. You could have the best future ever, everything you’ve always wished for. It’s hard now and you want a way out, but it’s not really worth it. Try to think that if you push through and finish school and everything without focusing on others, it’ll all pay off. You’re here for a reason. You have purpose. You may experience more difficulties but it shouldn’t be a reason for you to give up. I’m sure so many people care about you even if you don’t believe it. Don’t use a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Always reach out to anyone if it gets too much, just stay safe. It will all get better at one point, I promise, you’re doing your best and you’re strong enough to get through it, you just have to believe it yourself. You don’t have to have everything figured out or be okay all at once. Just getting through today is enough. Try to be a little gentler with yourself, the same way you would be with a friend who’s struggling. You’ll be okay, just remember you’re cared for.

muted owl
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i'm trying. But it feels like every day it gets worse and worse. everyday everything piles up even more, more stuff i need to do, and i'm just getting sick of everything, mainly other people. I don't want to be in a world with other humans. I'm trying, but anything i do, everything just gets even worse. And i don't know how am i supposed to survive another three years, until i can get out of here, and live an actual life

steep wigeon
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You’re trying, and that matters more than it probably feels right now, even if everything seems to keep piling up. It makes sense to feel overwhelmed and frustrated when it feels like nothing is getting better, especially when people around you are adding to that stress instead of helping. You don’t have to have everything figured out or know how you’ll get through the next three years all at once, just getting through today is enough, really. Things can change in ways that are hard to see when you’re in the middle of it, but they can. Next week might be easier, then it might get hard again, it won’t pass quickly, it won’t solve itself quickly, there will be awful but amazing times in life. You didn’t do anything to deserve what you’re going through and you know that, so you shouldn’t let yourself fall into these thoughts. Just how you go down, you can come back up. It won’t be an easy process, it’ll be exhausting and even more difficult but it doesn’t matter as long as you’re alive because you deserve to be here, you deserve to get better, you deserve a better life. But you can’t achieve that better life if you’re not here anymore. So please, don’t do anything to yourself, keep fighting if not for others then for yourself, for your future self. You’re not alone and there are people who would want to listen and support you through it, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet. It’s hard to speak up so you even talking about you feelings on here is a lot, you’re working to get better, you’re letting your thoughts out and that’s good, it means you’ve already achieved something. It will be hard, I understand, and you want the easy way out but it’s really not worth it. You can do it, you’re strong and so so many people believe in you. You might not believe this but you don’t need others to help you get into your future job, you don’t need them to achieve something, it’s all about you. People suck and it’s hard not to focus on them but sometimes that’s what you have to do even if it’s hard. You’re trying and that’s important, it really is. School is hard and busy, if you overwork yourself you’ll feel worse so please try to take breaks and take care of yourself. If needed, ask someone to help you with the stuff you need to do. It can be online or irl. So many people would love to help you, it’s okay that you feel like this and see no way out, but don’t believe that. You’re capable of so so much

muted owl
steep wigeon